Recent Posts
Fake it til you make it is a term that is used frequently. Some folks use it when they are struggling with a belief in a higher power. It is more like a blind faith that they place their belief in. I could never get the hang of faking it. It was either there or it wasn’t so I guess I can not relate to those that fake it. I didn’t need to fake it because every time I came to the turning point, I was brought to my knees, this time I was flat on my back. Everyone has their own turning point but the result is always a belief in a power greater than us.
It is a paradox. Going through some extreme pain to come to the realization that we can not do it alone. We give into the higher power that has been carrying us all along. It comes as a great relief that we do not have to face our lives all alone. After the realization, we get a sense of hope and faith that we are safe. A sense that everything is going to be alright. Looking back we can see that we were always o.k. We just never gave it a chance. Free will is a hard thing to control. Free will can make us arrogant and it can give us a feeling that we are in control when in fact we have very little control over things and even if we did have control, we would probably louse everything up. I am not very good at just letting things be. I am too impatient in just letting them unfold. I can look back at many instances in my life where I jumped the gun. Hind sight is 20/20.
For me, it is not just developing a belief and a faith that everything is going to turn out the way that I want it to, it is a feeling that no matter what happens, I will be o.k. That is my faith. When I am able to get into this mindset, I can see how things just fall into place without me getting in the way. I couldn’t plan it any better. Fear does get in the way of everything. But the only thing that can cast out fear is love. Love has the power to get rid of fear because love is unconditional. Love is an acceptance of the way things are. Love is allowing a person to be who they are and what they are. Love has no boundaries. If anybody has told you that they love you, you can tell if they really mean it by seeing how they are when you are at your worst. Are they still right there beside you, or do they run for the hills? Many people use the term loosely, or they have developed their own definition of love based upon their own values and morals. That type of love is cheap and superficial and it doesn’t do anyone any good. It just causes more pain.
So if you are struggling with the concept of a power greater than yourself and are getting tired of faking it, just get honest with yourself and ask what it really means to you.
Keep the faith
Lord don't let there be
A battle for peace
Inside of me
There's always a war.
Unless I can change
There's nothing to see.
Inside of me
This past year has been one of being stuck in a pattern that is difficult to get out of. It’s funny; a feeling of needing to move on yet the energy to do so isn’t there. Seems as if that energy is nonexistent. Staying stagnant, living off of days long ago but not moving forward. Another opportunity to move forward presents itself. I’ve got to take this chance and run with it to see where it leads. I have never been down this path before. Is it new light to show me the way? Fear.
The dreams are so vivid, yet obscure enough to have only hazy memories. Are they speaking to me to get my attention? Now that I have given all my attention, where do I go from here? What I think it is might really not be. A self inflicted illusion. Carry on. When ever the thoughts drift off carry on and don’t look back.
When I was a boy everything seemed so wrong. Nothing lined up, nothing made sense. Bad timing. Fast forward to the present day where the same things are happening. The suns shadows look the same, the sound of a distant lawnmower brings up feelings that I never thought I would feel ever again. But they always come back. Thoughts constantly moving. Never know who is going to show up on certain days. The thought process is where the problem lies. Sat on the beach. Felt the heat, smelled the salt air and the definite smell of marijuana. There is no getting away from it. The smell of beer and pot brings up even more feelings on top of the others. Layer upon layer. Like an onion.
Sitting all alone with my head pounding. I wish the waves were bigger so they could drown out the pounding in my head. Feels as though I am invisible. I go through my daily routine and feel invisible. Pride.
Picking up on meetings. That’s all I know how to do when it gets like this. Keeps me afloat. Keeps me out of danger. Keeps me out of the hospital. Impatient? After 4 f---ing years away from a drink and a drug? Impatient? I will face this alone. I have to. Nobody else can go through it. Nobody can really even help because it is what I need to go through. I like being alone. I got real good at it in the lost years. I grew back then. Even though it may not seem so, what I went through was what I needed to go through to get to where I am today. Kinda like getting kicked up the stairs. Ouch.
I say a prayer for the still suffering. I am grateful for the gift of sobriety. Things could be worse. Things have been worse. That is my perspective.
Thank you for letting me share. Keep the faith.
How are you supposed to let go? After all this time and effort there comes a time when you must let go. Maybe it is just a process of going through everything to get to a certain place where you can no longer afford to hang on, to let go and let the current take you where it needs to. That’s where we are supposed to be. Right here, right now is where we are supposed to be. The resistance is what causes all the pain.
I have let go of the fact, on a daily basis, that I can no longer use alcohol and drugs safely. I know that there was a great deal of resistance going on over the years pertaining to stopping, and there also was a great deal of pain but I had to go through that to get to where I am now. It is very similar with all of life as well. Same process. Truth has a way of just nailing you to the wall.
It is a different season in life, a new season where everything changes just like winter, spring, summer and fall. A new start. Life has different seasons too.
Whenever I think of the pain of the change, I am learning how to turn the thoughts over. Not like turning over pancakes, but turning over the thoughts so they just break apart. After turning it over, I become conscious of what is to come next. It is kind of a meditation of the direction I am to take. Just do the next right thing. Do what is in front of you. There is no need to know what is coming, just try and relax and let it happen. How many bad decisions have been made jumping into something, without thinking about where your feet are?
Letting go is a spiritual awakening. It is a realization that what lies ahead really isn’t all that important, right now is what is important. It is a feeling that all is going to be o.k., it is the grace of God, or the grace of something, that has come about to give a daily reprieve from all the pain and suffering that has really been self inflicted. It is time to move in the right direction toward what is intended for us, to become who and what we were meant to be, that we otherwise would never have come to see if we stayed where we were.
Pain is a great motivator, yet it is also a sign that something is wrong. Letting go of something that causes you great pain will give you freedom. And that is all we really need is freedom to feel peace. Keep the faith.
So, how does it feel to know that there are millions of other people that are probably feeling the same way you are right now? Somewhere along God’s green earth there is another human being, animal, or let me just say sentient being that is feeling sadness, and depression. It might comfort you to think that perhaps not too far away there is another person feeling anger and rage, jealousy and bone chilling fear, or perhaps the overwhelming feeling of grief you are feeling at this very moment is being felt all over the world by people that are grieving over the loss of a pet or a loved one. Whatever the pain you experience, do you look to connect to all that may be suffering as a way of coming to terms with your own pain?
[ Click here to read more ]
BACKWORD or forward?
Hello fellow travelers out there in mental health land! How does this day find you? Are you enjoying this blessed day and learning to accept yourself for who you are and taking life as it comes? Or have you fallen prey to your own humanness and found yourself dangling through the cracks of the ill fated mental health system? Well, keep your head up high my comrades, for the mental health field has come a long way since the days of chaining people to the walls. I mean after all, there will always be some sort of stigma attached to mental health, because if you really try and break it all down, this is all in our heads. And there are those among us who feel that people who need to see a psychiatrist, ought to have their head examined. So here’s the deal, if you are bipolar, and you have substance abuse in your history, let’s face it, your just a drunk and or addict. Take care of those main problems, and you should be okay
[ Click here to read more ]
You think you got it bad? How about the band that was all lined up to play at the suspected Craigslist killers wedding? They have made world headlines by crying the blues that the show probably won’t go on. That is what Megan McAllister, the fiancée of suspected killer Philip Markoff had issued in a statement, but she stands by her lover and says she will cooperate with the investigation. What a sport eh? It just shows to go ya that LOVE isn’t dead after all! Sniff!
[ Click here to read more ]
Well the Yankees started off the year in dramatic fashion. They had their 100 million dollar man C.C. Sabathia on the mound to kick off the season, and the Baltimore Orioles shell shocked him.
Hey? Whaddaya gonna do? Even if you pay the guy all the money in the world, isn't it asking just a little bit too much to win every start?
[ Click here to read more ]
eHow
eHow to make a rubber band helipcopter
I hate it when the country goes into a recession or a depression, or whatever the hell it is we are going through. I am sure there are scores of financial analysts that would enlighten me as to what it is we are going through. It comes as no surprise to me that the word anal is a big part of analyst.
[ Click here to read more ]
It seems to be yet another case of Say It Aint So.
I found myself hanging my head in disbelief after I read that the world famous Robin Hood was not as wonderful as portrayed in history. As it turns out, 13th century Sherwood forest was a lot like the Bronx. Just when you think you can at least rely on good old fashioned British legends to help you get through your work-a-day life.
Robin Hood was known for stealing from the rich to give to the poor. Even though stealing isn’t the right thing to do, he did have good intentions
[ Click here to read more ]
|
|
|
Comments (5)
Add Comments
Read More
Comment by jimmy james
on Parochial Pinocchio
Help For Your Depression
Amuse I
Baseball is Good
The Recovery room
When my friend had said let the dead bury the dead, it reminded me of the kids on the bus singing: Pray for the dead and the dead will pray for you....
I feel that what my friend was explaining is how to find a way to deal with their deaths and to move on.
By accepting that they have passed, not me.
I guess it can also depend on hope and faith. If you have a faith you trust, no matter what that faith my be.
Life has a way of turning you upside down. Events happen that change you, give you a different perspective.
I feel that when a person dies, whether it is a loved one or not, it is a sign. A sign that everything is going the way it is supposed to. I may not accept it at first, but if I look at it as the natural order of things, then it helps me to move on.
Jim