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Am I the only one that is getting tired of hearing about Manny Ramirez?
I just don’t get what the big deal is. The Red Sox have the edge in the trade that landed them outfielder Jason Bay. Jason Bay is eight years younger than Ramirez, so that will give the Sox some piece of mind in the outfield for a while. Plus, Manny’s presence in the clubhouse was wearing his teammates down; even David Ortiz said it was time for Manny to leave.
Speaking of getting worn down, it was getting painful to hear the phrase “Manny is just being Manny”. It sounds like the title of a sitcom on one of those syndicated networks, you know, shows like “Smallville”, “Gossip girl“, and “Reba“, just to name a few. Then again, those shows would provide more excitement than watching the Dodgers. They are in the weakest division in baseball, one game over .500, and they are still a game behind the Arizona Diamond backs. I am sure that Manny will fit in real well with guys like Jeff Kent, and Andruw Jones, two great players that have gone to the Dodgers to “retire”. I am sure Sox fans remember Nomar Garciaparra, because he has been in la-la-land for quite a few years now.
That’s what happens to players who are past their prime; they go to the west coast. Manny can hit all the homeruns he wants out there in Tinsel Town. I am sure it will make the headlines, right next to the breaking news story of Mary Kate Olsen and Nicole Ritchie. Because that’s all Dodger fans are going to have to get excited about. They were all hopped up about Joe Torre taking over as manager, but they are still the same team they were last year.
Hopefully all the hype will die down by the end of next month when the Dodgers have dropped in the standings and fall short of making the playoffs, while the Red Sox continue on in pursuit of their third world championship in four years.
I am sure there have been all sorts of analytical reports on the stats between Jason Bay and Manny Ramirez. The sports pages are loaded with articles and the sports networks have all kinds of special reports on the trade. I won’t even get into the stats on Jason Bay. All that I know is he is going to put up the numbers the Sox are expecting from him, and those are the type of headlines you’ll be reading about, not about all the hype and BS that Ramirez has provided the past few years. The trade was a no-brainer. Ding Dong the witch is dead! 
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When my father died, it was almost a spiritual experience. I felt a sense of strength even though it was a great loss. I had some regrets of the past when we went almost two years without any contact. However, I was there for him at the end, taking him to his doctor appointments. I knew deep down that he was near death and it was a painful experience that for some reason I had a great deal of acceptance.
The band that I was in at the time was playing in a club not too far from the hospital where he was getting his treatments. He was on oxygen; it was not in his best interest to enter the club. One night as I was loading my drums into the club, my mom and dad pulled up in front of the club. My dad was in the passenger seat and he wanted to come in to hear the band. It brought back memories of all the auditions he took me to when I was just a teenager. He was always supportive and very proud of my talent for drums.
He said he wanted to come into the club, but there was too much smoking going on outside, the smoke drifted into the club, making it dangerous for him to come in. The look on his face when he realized he could not go in really tugged at my heart. We both knew this was his last chance to see me play. As they drove away, I felt a feeling of sorrow yet an acceptance that made me comprehend the meaning of impermanence.
This year I lost a brother and a brother-in law. Their deaths were sudden. The shock kept me numb for about two weeks until the pain started to seep in. It is ironic how things unfold. I would have never guessed things would turn out this way. During this time, a three-year relationship started to deteriorate. I needed to deal with one thing at a time, talk about bad timing.
Death is inevitable, but the relationship was rocky from the start. We first met 30 years ago and dated for a while. It was a very stormy relationship and it didn’t end well . She contacted me 3 years ago and we began to see each other again. She was just coming out of a 20 year marriage. The relationship seemed to pick up where we left off. We fought often, and each time we decided to call it quits, we would get back together again. At first, it did not bother me when we split. Then, something happened. She began to become more important in my life. I fell for her and it was too late. That is when the trouble began to get exceedingly worse. Even though she tried her best to meet my needs, it started to wear her down. She could not do it. Her 20 year marriage took it’s toll and she had yet to begin the healing process, compounded by issues from her past.
Even though I have been clean and sober for a little while, there were defects in my character that I needed to come to terms with. In so many ways, I was not ready to be in any relationship. Even though I am devastated that we have split up, it was a learning experience that helped me see the truth in myself.
One of the biggest mistakes we made was to try and start the relationship up again. One would think that people change in 30 years, however more often than not, if a relationship didn’t work 30 years ago, it isn’t going to work now. In our case, both of us never really changed. But we were under the illusion that it could work.
Needless to say, I am heartbroken. I can not tell which feeling is which. Am I grieving for my brother and brother-in law, or is it both grief and heartache I am feeling about her?
These emotions are stronger than anything I ever felt before. The only way I know how to deal with this is to use my supports. I am reaching out for help like someone that is fighting for their life. In fact, I am fighting for my life. This can lead to a huge fall, where I will crash and burn: ( I have crashed and burned too many times, I don’t have another one left in me ).
I am keeping a positive attitude by faking it until I make it. I wont let myself get caught up in the negativity, because that has never produced positive results. That sort of thinking can lead to delusion and situations become muddy. That type of muddled thinking is what got me in this whole mess to begin with. When your thinking is clear, you can see situations like these coming down the pike and avoid them, saving you and perhaps the other person a great deal of pain. Then again, maybe it had to happen this way in order for us to grow.
The cold hard truth of my relations with her has forced me to come to the painful conclusion that she isn’t right for me. I am constantly battling back and forth on this. Just when I come to a decision, I change my mind. I can’t seem to let her go. Three years is a long time.
The old saying rings true, time heals all wounds. The deaths in my family are another step in my recovery. Just like the death of my father, it will lead me to a different place. I will become stronger, and move on to the next level. It’s just like a video game. You can’t move onto the next level until you finish the level you are on. I just need to put one foot in front of the other and continue down the road I am on.
My brother- in law came to visit me to give his sympathy about my brother. An hour later I was looking at him lying in the hospital dead.
It is freaky to be that close to death. I sometimes wonder why I am still here. After all the things I did while using drugs and booze. After a suicide attempt that should have killed me. I do not understand why I am still here.
I am sure that will be revealed to me in time. So, my mission, if I choose to accept it, is to follow this road until I come to another crossroads. A mission of strength and hope. A mission of mercy. Shared on
For Christy-Ann,
The pain of shooting myself in the foot isn’t as bad as the realization and regrets that I have for taking a beautiful relationship, and all the possibilities we had and smashing it to pieces. I now see the truth in the part I played, and it is too late to say I’m sorry. Even though my words and actions haven’t showed it, there will always be a place in my heart for you.
A while back, I was at a 12 step meeting and listened to an addict talking about staying away from crack cocaine. He had been clean for a short period of time and was sharing his thought process when he was craving the drug. He mentioned how the thought popped into his mind and he was unable to control it.The craving turned into an obsession and he started to plot how he would try and get money to support his habit. His mind raced through the possibilities so quickly, he started to get a queasy feeling in his stomach.The only way for him to obtain any money was to steal it, and then go to a dangerous neighborhood to score, a place where he once had a gun to his head from an angry dealer. He then was able to come to a conclusion that he wasn’t thinking right and he needed to call someone for support. He did call a friend in the program and he talked it out. That just may have saved his life. He said something that has stuck with me 16 years later: ‘My brain is out to kill me.”
It has always been a mystery how the mind works. In the case of substance abuse, it is very difficult to control the thoughts of using, which explains why the success rate is very low in addicts and alcoholics.This sort of thought process spills over into other areas in their life. Personal relationships are always a struggle because the thinking is often skewed, jumping to conclusions by perceiving things that aren’t there.This behavior is repeated over and over until the pain becomes so great, that a realization comes that it is their own thoughts and actions that often get them into situations (or out of relationships) that make their lives unmanageable.They are unable to see why things always go wrong and blame others for the negative outcome.Even though their intentions are good, they end up losing every time. Just like the realization that their drug of choice has ruined their life, they need to come to the same type of acceptance that their behavior is often dysfunctional. Pain is a great motivator; unfortunately they don’t realize it until the damage has been done.
It is very difficult to let things go. I always thought that it was impossible for me to come to terms with the words and actions of others. Those unreasonable thoughts are the main cause of my problems. When someone says something, my brain is moving so fast to try and figure out what is being said, it often processes the information in a negative way, causing a negative reaction that often pushes people away. Looking back in my life, I can see where this has caused me a great deal of pain. It is so difficult to admit that I have a thinking problem that has caused me a great deal of pain over the years. So many opportunities lost, so many relationships ruined to the point of no recourse, so much anger and resentment towards those that I have blamed, that were in fact innocent. So many people that had nothing but my best interest in mind were pushed away and hurt. The spiritual experience is the awareness that this is going on, as painful as it may be. It is like a slap in the face as the cold hard truth is finally revealed.
For me, there is always a situation that takes place that causes me to see these glaring behaviors, and it is all due to my thinking. Getting control of my thoughts that lead to my actions needs a major overhaul; otherwise I will repeat the same behavior again. The pain and guilt has become the turning point.
I guess it is a learning experience. Unfortunately, there is always a great deal of damage done to the people we care for the most. But in the end, we are the ones that suffer by self sabotage. I am tired of shooting myself in the foot.
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Carlos Delgado loves the month of July. He has been an integral part in the New York Mets resurgence in the NL East. After last nights win against the Marlins, Delgado has 9 homeruns and 24 RBI’s for the month. The Metropolitans are still in first place with a ½ game lead over the Phillies.
Earlier in the season, there were those that thought Delgado’s best years were behind him. I was one of those that subscribed to the theory that the Mets should have held on to the young first baseman Mike Jacobs. Based on Delgado’s lethargic attitude at the plate and his sloppy fielding, he would better serve the team by selling yearbooks and scorecards on the first base side. But he seems to be redeeming himself. The rest of the team seems to be fired up. They have a lot of heart after all they have been through the past year. Maybe that’s what is giving them the fire they need to caoture the divsion and move on to the playoffs this year. Manager Jerry Manuel is 24-14 since taking over for Willie Randolph and the players are responding very well to his leadership. The National League East is a tough division these days. The Marlins and the Phillies are right there in the race. This is going to be very interesting as the season heads into the final two months. Mister Met has a lot to cheer about lately. [ Click here to read more ]
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Obsession can rule your life. It is probably among the top five behaviors, along with resentment, anger, fear, and pride that can be devastating. These emotions can be the primary cause of obsessive thoughts. Trying to chase a thought out that keeps playing over in your mind can be exhaustive. There are many ways to deal with obsession, but the only way these work is by constant vigilance.
There are those that claim that keeping busy, even with the most mundane tasks can help get your mind off the obsession. My experience has been both negative and positive with keeping busy. Work is a four letter word for me. I truly wish I was obsessed with some sort of “career”. I can’t relate to those that are workaholics. They are fortunate that they have found something to be passionate about, but it can also be a way of not dealing with painful feelings. The obsessions that I get are always very unhealthy and dangerous to my recovery. I was doing landscaping during a difficult time in my life, and one day my job was to weed a huge garden. Not only was it extremely hot that day, but it was the kind of mindless work that is great for letting those thoughts get way out of control. I felt as though I was in a prison of my own deep dark thoughts with no way out. I even experienced a few mild panic attacks and the only way I could deal with it was to take a break and go get a drink of water. I thought that taking a break would help clear my thoughts, but I realized that those thoughts followed me wherever I went. It’s the old saying that “No matter where you go, there you are“. There is no escape and everything you try seems to fail. Alcohol, cocaine, and weed were once old friends that I could count on to pull me through, but there came a point where even they let me down, in fact they made it worse by magnifying the thoughts 10 fold. [ Click here to read more ]
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I live by the water. There is nothing like a long walk on the beach to clear your head. It also provides many sights that are inspiring, and tragically some that aren't. I am talking about the landscape of course. The beach is one of my favorite places to people watch.
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During the course of a minute, my brain is processing so much information at lightening speed. It actually makes my head spin. It’s like four seasons in one day, especially if there is a lot going on in my life. Back in the 90’s, I was hospitalized four times in a three month period, all in the same facility. It was my home away from home. The staff used to have this group every afternoon that was designed to help patients cope with their illness by attempting to educate them. There we were, listening to a woman wearing cheap costume jewelry talk about how stress can cause depression. So, if stress causes depression, one would think that you need to cut out as much stress in your life. That isn’t always possible for some people. The key is realizing when the emotions are rising, and be aware that you are heading for a storm. Although back in 1996, that storm lasted for almost ten years and tore apart a perfectly good marriage. The main problem may be fighting these natural emotions. If you let those feelings and thoughts get the best of you, it can lead to a fall into a deep whole that you may never get out of. This is the point where the pain is so bad, that some actually take their lives. I have tried to take my life several times, none of which were successful: At least as far as I know. Shared on
When somebody says something that is hurtful, it is very easy to lash out at them and try to make them feel the same way they made you feel. It is as if the pain is so bad, there is no end, and there is no relief from lashing out. It seems like there is no where to go, but to feel the anger and resentment. [ Click here to read more ]
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The 2008 baseball season is half way through as the All-Star break is upon us. The trade deadline is just a couple weeks away and when play resumes later on this week, the dog days will begin to set in. Those dog days always reveal the teams that are for real, and the teams that aren’t quite there yet. That’s when the division races get very interesting.
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I lost my brother last week. The cause of death has yet to be determined. We may never know how he died. It was sudden and it came as a shock. A day later, my brother-in law died of a heart attack.
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Comment by jimmy james
on The Wost Kind of Walk Off- Only the Mets
Help For Your Depression
Amuse I
Baseball is Good
The Recovery room
Great post!