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Jas

Sydney, New South Wales, AUSTRALIA


Joined August 24th 2006

Number of Posts:
26

Number of Comments:
100

Karma:
4



The All Knowing Geek knows everything...and nothing. Ooooh...so mysterious...

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Recent Posts

Vegetables Gone Bad! Part 2

October 30th 2006 06:57
Juan and I held hands and prepared ourselves for what was to come. Actually I just placed my hand on his side as he is a Soccer Ball Ham and has no limbs to speak of. The demon-posessed Celery was still outside - on the other side of the Kelvinator door - baying for my blood and Juan's salty juices. "On three", I said as I resisted the urge to puke into the left over creamed corn at my side.
"One...two...thr-". I didn't even get to finish counting. Rising up behind Juan was a terrifying thing, a green, sinewy, evil thing. There was an awful silence as the spectre grew, finally completely overshadowing poor Juan. A low, gutteral growl shook the fridge and I could scarcely move as the evil Celery came at Juan, all thrashing stalks and flashes of green.
I felt terribly guilty but my first impulse was to take advantage of the distraction and make a get away. I could hardly watch as the wicked vegetable tore into Juan's succelent exterior. It was now or never.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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VEGETABLES GONE BAD! Part 1

October 23rd 2006 18:10
VEGETABLES GONE BAD! Part 1

Juan the Soccerball Ham looked at me pleadingly. I don't know how he did this as he's just a lump of cured meat and has no eyebrows. We sat there together - freezing and exhausted - just behind a big jar of mustard pickles. I had to curb impure thoughts about Juan between 2 thick slices of sour-dough. He was my friend but by-gum did he look succulent.
We both wanted out but we knew that beyond the door of the Kelvinator was a seething ,merciless horde of demon-posessed celery just waiting for us to slip up.
Juan was getting panicky and he asked me to roll him a ciggie but I spat at him. "You're not going to pollute my chicken drumettes with cigarette smoke...you ham - you stupid, stupid ham!", I cried. Juan rolled the two places where his eyes would have been if he had them.
Outside there was a disturbing sound - like rats scratching the backs of Cornflake boxes - no - Weet-bix boxes. The tumult just beyind the fridge door was driving me mad. I wanted to burst out - ham in one hand, lit cigarette in the other and open a can of creamy whoop-ass on the crispy vegetables who now belonged to the Dark Lord. We had to come up with a plan to regain control of the kitchen - it was nearly dinner-time.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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Your Interpretation...

October 12th 2006 09:15
Tell me what your thoughts are on this piece that I have just finished. I welcome all interpretations. I can tell you though that it's certainly not a glib comment on eating meat.



J
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Goodbye Sunburnt Country

October 11th 2006 10:28
GOODBYE SUNBURNT COUNTRY

Sweep up the red earth; we won't need it now


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The Biggest Question Ever Asked on Orble?

October 7th 2006 01:38


You may think this an arrogant title although it's not meant to be


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Wee Wee Weeee...all the way home

October 5th 2006 09:24
Juan from Castlecrag writes:

"Dear AKG,
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True Blue-Tongues

October 3rd 2006 10:12
I have a blue tongue living in my garden on the balcony. His name is Ramsey (named after the very reptilian Chef: Gordon Ramsey). I gave him his name after finding that he would only eat the finest produce I could find - lean lamb and/or beef and fresh fruit. My Mum saved him from a couple of cats who were looking to add him to their menu for the day and he happily forages in the forest sanctuary I've created just for him - unknowingly - over a number of years.
We're lucky in this country as we're unique in the fact that we have such large reptiles living in our yards. Yet many blueys' fall prey to cats, dogs and lawnmowers. With a little care, we can ensure that these incredible creatures are around for a long time to come.

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This Book Changed MY Life

September 28th 2006 11:31
There are many of us. We look about and see not a world of carnal pleasures nor one created for the sole purpose of sustaining human life; we see a world where human creatures rape the Earth without mercy. Many walk about oblivious or they comfort themselves by sorting their recycling, patting themselves on the back for a job well done - 'yes - I AM making a contribution.'
Ishmael is a book that voices the feelings of the minority - the ones who feel as though they live in a world of zombies who live the way they've always been taught - rarely questioning anything - or anything worth questioning at least.

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Suck-Ces!

September 28th 2006 09:47
Phyllis from Terry Hills writes:

"Dear All Knowing Geek,
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Wine Glasses

September 25th 2006 10:55


It pains me to see someone scoffing down even a barely decent chiante out of a tumbler. People who drink burgundy out of plastic 'glasses' (yes even at picnics) make my hands contort and become all strangley. The receptacle you choose to hold your celestial nectar is extremely important. I thought it was all a great wank myself at one point in my life but I've done enough blind tests with glasses of varying shapes and sizes to know. An aged Bordeaux can be stifled in the wrong glass and its sexy little secrets completely unlocked in another


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Recent Comments

Comment by Jas
on Your Interpretation...

December 18th 2006 04:16


Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
Food, Wine and Coffee
One Planet
Thanks for your comments Ashish. The beauty of art is that nothing s wrong or right - it just 'is'. If only we could all view life in the same way huh?

Comment by Jas
on Pardon My French: But What a Mouth-F**k!

December 14th 2006 03:26


Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
Food, Wine and Coffee
One Planet
Hi Adrian - I just read this now - what did you think of Atelier?
Jas

Comment by Jas
on Wee Wee Weeee...all the way home

November 26th 2006 02:32


Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
Food, Wine and Coffee
One Planet
Oh Chantal...we're all 2 drinks away from
happ-PEE-ness...(okay - enough urinary jokes now).

Comment by Jas
on What is the most memorable ending of a film you've seen?

October 13th 2006 08:01


Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
Food, Wine and Coffee
One Planet
The ending of Ass-Master 2 where the Ass-Master blows all over...hang on...is porn included?

Comment by Jas
on Lindsay Lohan To Take a Year off

October 12th 2006 23:23


Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
Food, Wine and Coffee
One Planet
She can take a bit longer if she wants - let's say: the rest of her career!

Comment by Jas
on Let's start boycotting Bratz

October 12th 2006 23:21


Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
Food, Wine and Coffee
One Planet
I think these dolls are just action figures for paedophiles. What happened to letting kids be kids? It seems everything's governed by sex on this planet. Sex should not come into the equation when marketing kids' toys in my humble opinion. The commercial world seems to disagree which I find not only odd but abhorrent.

Comment by Jas
on Metropolitan Mecca : A short Story of Packaging...

October 12th 2006 23:02


Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
Food, Wine and Coffee
One Planet
Lilla,
Many years ago I got a kick out of grocery shopping. I - like many others - was hooked on the opium of consumerism - mesmerised by the multi-coloured packages I guess.
Years later I was angry - angry at the awkwardness and rudeness of other shoppers. I was angry at the rate at which we consume our natural resources.
Now I find that I'm overwhelmingly saddened (as self-serving as that may sound) by the macabre cross-section of the Supermarket experience. It's so sad that humans have claimed ownership over that which was never ours in the first place. I find it peculiar that I have to pay someone for an apple or a mango that the Earth has provided for free and - at one time - in abundance. I can't help but see humaity as a seething mass - devouring the planet with reckless abandon and terminal ignorance.

Comment by Jas
on Goodbye Sunburnt Country

October 12th 2006 22:47


Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
Food, Wine and Coffee
One Planet
Thank you so much Lila. Keep an eye out - the poetry bug has bitten me once again after many years.
J

Comment by Jas
on Did Steve Irwin Make A Big Difference To Conservation?

October 7th 2006 05:33


Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
Food, Wine and Coffee
One Planet
There are a lot of humans who thrive on aggression and along comes an excuse - like Irwin's death - and away they go. Just days before the news aired that sting-rays were being targeted by imbissiles I - along with others I'm sure - feared exactly this sort of 'reprisal'. How can human beings take 'vengeance' on creatures purely doing what they were designed to do? Steve certainly would not have wanted any of this and ironically the series he was making was borne out of the desire to alleviate exactly this brand of ignorance and fear-induced hatred.

Comment by Jas
on Is dinner better than SEX?

October 7th 2006 05:17


Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
Food, Wine and Coffee
One Planet
Are there any Foodophiliacs out there? Are there people that derive sexual release purely from food itself? If so then they would certainly answer yes to the said question. Personally I've never achieved an orgasm from a spatchcock - no matter how well it's prepared (and no I've never engaged in sexual congress with a fowl). Hee hee...it's funny because it has 'cock' in it.