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Jamoz's corner - by jamoz

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Jamoz's corner - November 2008

Signs for stupid people

November 23rd 2008 21:01

"I just hate stupid people.
They should have to wear signs that just say I'm stupid.
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you?
You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops,
never mind"
"I didn't see your sign." "
Bill Engvall

I have some "I'm stupid signs" to hand out today in honour of recent stupid actions or beliefs

The Japanese man who has an online petition for the Japanese government to allow marriage between a real living breathing human being and a figment of someone's imagination brought to life as a cartoon...here's your sign. I hope that the cartoon character you want to marry would have the sense to say "no".

The man who left his phone in a McDonalds with nude pictures of his wife and then decides to sue the franchise because the pictures ended up on the internet...here's your sign

People who want pole dancing as an olympic sport...here's your sign. Why don't we just make an extreme form of pole dancing where the women take off their clothes? Oh yeah we do it's called STRIPPING! Here are your sign(s). You deserve them.

In July Scott Bennett, 48, lost an eye in a fight at the Mavericks night club in Sioux City, Iowa. Then, on Oct. 12, in another fight at Mavericks, Bennett lost his other eye.
I have a special sign for him...it's written in braille so he can remember why he got it.

A CULT leader convinced a mother to hide a corpse on her toilet and collect the deceased's social security payments while praying for the dead woman's resurrection.
Instead of praying for the resurrection of the woman how about praying for some f&^%$n' sense? Here are your signs!

The man who climbed into the panda enclosure to get a hug and ended up getting bitten by the animal. Did the panda call you in a offer the hug? No. It didn't ask for it, and it wasn't wanted. So, not only do you get a well deserved bite for your unwarranted uninvited behaviour but also a sign that says "I'm stupid" in both Chinese and English.

A Japanese man stabbed a man and his wife because he says he was upset over his pet's death. Uhh...okay your pet died. Fine. Why stab the man and his wife? That is not only stupid but unnecessarily tragic. Instead of giving him a sign, he has given all of us a sign that as a society we are too close to edge.

What is wrong with these people? I don't know either, but they seem to be everywhere...

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What is that smell in here...oh wait my Grandparents are here!

November 20th 2008 02:31

Here's an interesting myth...old people apparently smell. How do they smell? Well, when I was growing up, and with my limited contact with the aged I always thought they just smelled of must, mothballs, medicine and antiseptic. Not since 2001 or so the myth goes.

I bring this up because some kind of Japanese research (in 2001) found out that older Japanese smelt greasy. I don't know too many elderly Japanese to test this theory, so I'll just take their word for it that old Japanes people smell until I get the chance to sniff one close up. "Excuse me Sir, may I sniff you to see if you have a greasy smell?" That line's sure to work like a charm and elicit excitement on any elderly Japanese person who doesn't get to be sniffed often.

The good thing about if an elderly person smells (no matter where they're from) is that they'd be so much easier to find. "Hey Johnny where's Grandma?" (Johnny raises his head slightly with his nose angled up and sniffs) "Just a minute mom...she's sitting in her wheelchair. She's just been some more cod liver oil/garlic tablets for easy location". Now if there's no sign of illness to give them that great medicinal smell or a wheelchair, just sneak a few mothball/ camphor balls into their pockets so that wherever they are they can smell. So not only can they be safe but you can find them quickly, safely and easily. Imagine, your children can also reminisce after the aged loved one has died and relate whenever smelling the medicine or mothballs to the elderly relatives love.

Another idea from the bizarre left lobe of Jamoz' corner

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One good reason why Germaine Greer should just shut up

November 20th 2008 01:56

There was a little read article that Germaine Greer wrote in regards to Michelle Obama's dress to her husbands election declaration. She described it as a "butcher's apron" and went on to say that it was "all black with an eye-burning red panel that splattered itself down the front like a geometrical haemorrhage". Obviously Ms Greer pulls no punches. Why would it be any of her business what Mrs. Obama wore?

What exactly is Greers line of work these days? I mean apart from occasionally opening her old toothless mouth to sprout venom, and to remove the odd foot that seems to not get caught deep enough in her throat to keep her quiet for long enough (which for me would be permanently).

From what I know of her, she has always been a rabid feminist whose greatest irony is that in her feminism, it has managed to suck any kind of femininity that she may have had, and replaced it with a bitter, worn out, combative old battle axe who loves to pick fights with those whom she doesn't know, or those who can't strike back (think Steve Irwin "the animal world has finally taken it's revenge" or Princess Diana "a devious moron").

Ms Greer should, at her age, seriously start to think about retirement from public life as a means of saving all of us the embarrassment of having to hear her name pop up every now and then as some kind of pseudo guard dog on human behaviour.

Ms Greer needs to be reminded that beauty may be skin deep but in her case ugly really goes to the bone.

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People we don't need to see again in the music studio

November 19th 2008 05:11

It was during the summer that one of my worst nightmares came to pass. New Kids on the Block were reuniting and putting out more music after fading away sometime in the 1990's. Yes it was a sad day for all of us when these almost middle aged men chose to come back and haunt us with more of the same stuff they used to torture us with when they and we were younger.

It came to me because there has been a rush of bands to reunite and try and capture some of the glory days from their past. Sometimes you think "Wait, this could be interesting!" Here are some bands and some singers that need to stay out of the studio and in retirement. Permanently

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John Dyson's West Indian cupboard is bare

November 19th 2008 03:32

"If you look at the Australian system, by the time a player comes into the Australian team he has played umpteen number of matches in the Sheffield Shield cricket which is very good quality...so he is ready to play internationally. The quality of regional West Indies cricket is nowhere near the standard of the Australian structure, and is generating players that are unprepared to play against international teams. At this level it's about trying to win matches, it shouldn't be about trying to teach the players how to play international matches. Our newcomers will have to learn the basics of international cricket, other countries have strong systems and have very very strong basics, so they are doing well."

West Indies cicket coach John Dyson

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Ruddy and Dubya's blue

November 18th 2008 00:28

Did anyone notice that the lame duck US President was cold towards Ruddy when he went to the White House recently? Should Kev give a damn? Why would he, he knows that Bushy has only a limited time left in office. I would think that Ruddy just would have blown it off. If I were him I'd have just thought to myself "At least my popularity rating isn't the same as my IQ!" if I were Ruddy I'd have made myself known to Mr. Obama to start building a better future for both countries.

The issue of the split between the two revolves around a "did he say it or didn't he"? moment when Dubya apparently asked what the G20 is. It was leaked by someone in Ruddys office who thought it'd be important to let people know how embarrrassingly ignorant Bushy is. They didn't need to do that, we already knew.

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Proud to be what, Wanda? WTF?

November 18th 2008 00:01

Wanda Sykes says she's proud to be gay. Hmmm...proud to be gay. Interesting. Don't worry people this isn't going to be another gay bashing piece, I am just so tired of people saying that they're proud of their emotions, body or their parts like they're a great achievement.

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A french fry is just well...a french fry

November 17th 2008 22:52

I don't know why but people seem to get into these petty, little time wasting discussions that seem just to take up time and energy. You know the ones I mean the irritating conversations about "nothing" that give personal preferences of the speakers. I was walking past some co-workers some time back and they stopped me and asked me which was the better french fry! These people were talking about french fries and who has the best tasting fry of them all.

Honestly, I must have poor taste buds because there is no difference to me between Wendy's, McDonalds, KFC and Burger King french fries. I wonder if I just work with people who don't have anything better to do with their time than to sit around and discuss the taste of french fries

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Assessing whether whether Dr. King's dream has come to pass in Barack Obama

November 17th 2008 01:34

So here we are almost two weeks after Mr. Obama won the US general election and white America seems to have already raised the ugly side of its head. Reading online that racial attacks have skyrocketed and people who officially joined racist websites jumped by over 1000% since Mr. Obama won. Someone described racism as a "cancer that isn't curable but was just in remission until Tuesday November 04, 2008".

I find racism to be a rare mental disorder that can cause someone not to think clearly and can be contagious under the right circumstances. Maybe one day, someone in the field of psychiatric disorders might find that racism is actually a disorder of the brain. The cynic in me suggests that it's a little hard to diagnose a brain disorder without a brain to begin with

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Just a two dimensional character in a three dimensional world

November 16th 2008 22:29

There are few things more tragic than seeing hearing, or witnessing the lengths someone will do to feel less lonely in this world. The irony of loneliness is that you as an individual are one of six billion people on this planet and yet some of us don’t have one single solitary friend. Not one in six billion. So to ease the pain of being alone some people will dive into activities to feel less alone. Some things like hobbies that take the mind off and feel the body feeling refreshed or energized. In a recent study it said that lonely/depressed people watch more television than those who are happy and sociable. That is entirely plausible. I have no problem with that. Television is to entertain and to occupy time. That’s human nature to withdraw when we’re unhappy.

Saying all of that I was surprised (although at my age nothing should really surprise me anymore) that the lengths that people will go to feel emotionally connected to someone or something. I go as far as the pet animal being a part of the family (but I draw a very firm and deep trench at pet acupuncture and pet psychics but especially the psychics. In fact, if anyone ever offered to read my pet’s mind I have the aforementioned trench already dug for such auspicious occasions

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Post US election thoughts

November 15th 2008 09:01

Aren't we in a mess? This year has seen some great changes for a great many number of people, and most of it not good. It's funny because fate has a way of opening up doors for people when the time is right. For example if you look at the recently concluded US general elections what you will see is that Barack Obama won on two counts.

The first is that the economy faltered just at the right time for it to become the major election issue. If had happened one year ago, then perhaps his chances would have been slightly less. If in an alternate dimension Mr. Bush had left the US with a strong economy, then Mr. McCain would be the one being sworn in on Jan 20 2009. However Bush did not, so Obama ran on one simple word...change . A nice simple little word, easy to spell, easy to define, but a whole lot harder to implement. My guess is, is that what you see up on that poduim is a man of talk (as a lawyer you'd expect nothing less). He's undoubtedly highly intelligent but I'm not so sure that putting a man with such a high risk factor in the driving seat of the world's economy is such a good thing to do. Whether he doea what he set out to do remains to be seen, and whether he can hold it all together is another issue again

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