It's a Matter of the Heart
March 26th 2007 12:58
A little over a week ago I sat in a doctor’s office with some hard-to-identify illness. There was discussion of white count and IV antibiotics and hospitalization. I was alternately stunned, numb, terrified at the thought that I might not be able to live out my life as I had seen it unfolding for me in the past several months.
The ultimate diagnosis indicated a condition that was serious but not life-threatening. The wake-up call, however, was undeniable In the midst of all the testing and poking and prodding I made a promise to God: regardless of diagnosis or prognosis, my life changes today! I realize now that I could only make that promise, more than a promise – a covenant – because God has been preparing me for this lifestyle change for a long time. I had, in fact, begun the preparation before I ever knew I would care or need to know how to accomplish my goal.
My weight is out of control and has been most of my life. While that was not the cause of the illness for which I am being treated, I know it is a symptom of a greater illness—impacting everything else in my life—an illness of the heart.
I had lost weight before only to gain it back – the yo-yo effect everyone talks about and so many have experienced. I know what to eat, how to eat, how much to eat, when to eat and in which combination foods are to be eaten. I know because I’ve read all the books, researched every new and better plan, done all the dieting, and learned all the scientific evidence behind why every diet “works.”
I’m ignoring it all! I’m not on a diet plan now. I’m just eating properly and exercising. I don’t know how many pounds I’ll lose, though that’s not the point. I know I will feel better, have more energy and stamina and creativity. This time it just feels different.
The difference this time is that I have a reason to be healthy and whole beyond my own selfish desire to look better and feel better: to do the work God designed me to do. It is to live out the plan he has made for me. God has indeed been preparing me in many ways for this turning point. Many of the events in my life have served to shape and mold, refine and redefine who I am at my core. God has been busy within me—in my mind and my heart and especially within my soul. So this time things are different.
The difference this time is that it is not about me and what I want and what I feel I’m depriving myself of by not eating the food I am so addicted to, or my eating because of what I feel so deprived of otherwise in my life. This time it is about God’s desire for me to be the person He sees me as. This time, I want to be the whole, healthy, energetic, dynamic person he sees in his mind’s eye – and I cannot be that person with my current BMI, at my current weight, with my current eating habits, and in my current job.
When we talk about needing to set our mind on something – like losing weight or quitting smoking or giving up another addiction – it’s really missing the point. We need to set our hearts on it. We need to surrender our own will and our own desires to God. The past 50 years have borne out the fact that I am incapable of doing what I need to do to be healthy and whole on my own. It is now clear, in no uncertain terms, that God must be the key ingredient.
Vocabulary changes once God enters into the conversation.
“I’ll go to the gym if I’m not too exhausted after work,” becomes “After I go to the gym I’ll have more energy and feel better. I also won’t be as hungry for junk food, and will want healthful foods for nourishment.” Each of us can substitute the vocabulary for his own stronghold and replace it with a new vocabulary that contains God-filled, God-centered words of renewal and rebirth.
This is about more than my desire to lose weight. My weight is the last stronghold in my life, the last vestige of my own attempting to be in charge of myself and my life. I have used food as an excuse to not be the person God made me to be. I don’t even like most of the junk food I’ve been medicating myself with all these years! I am a defiant and rebellious child, petulant and ego-centric.
What is so breathtaking to me is that God doesn’t care how much I weigh. He doesn’t care what I look like. He doesn’t care what clothes I wear, or where I live. He doesn’t love me less because I have built this wall of food addiction around me. He doesn’t try to knock down the wall, because he knows he could at any time. But he hasn’t done so because He wants me to be the one to punch a hole in the brickwork and walk on through to the other side.
Of course, God wants me to be healthy and happy and whole. I don’t speak the truth when I say he doesn’t care. God cares very much. He cares so much he hung on a cross for me. He hung there, by choice, to show me how very much I mean to him. What I meant to say is that God is not distracted or deterred in his love for me by appearances or circumstances.
God cares so much that he wants me to be healthy and whole and to grow into the woman he designed me to be, with a specific purpose and a gift to give the world.
Psalm 139:14
I will give thanks unto thee; For I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Wonderful are thy works; And that my soul knoweth right well.
The ultimate diagnosis indicated a condition that was serious but not life-threatening. The wake-up call, however, was undeniable In the midst of all the testing and poking and prodding I made a promise to God: regardless of diagnosis or prognosis, my life changes today! I realize now that I could only make that promise, more than a promise – a covenant – because God has been preparing me for this lifestyle change for a long time. I had, in fact, begun the preparation before I ever knew I would care or need to know how to accomplish my goal.
My weight is out of control and has been most of my life. While that was not the cause of the illness for which I am being treated, I know it is a symptom of a greater illness—impacting everything else in my life—an illness of the heart.
I had lost weight before only to gain it back – the yo-yo effect everyone talks about and so many have experienced. I know what to eat, how to eat, how much to eat, when to eat and in which combination foods are to be eaten. I know because I’ve read all the books, researched every new and better plan, done all the dieting, and learned all the scientific evidence behind why every diet “works.”
I’m ignoring it all! I’m not on a diet plan now. I’m just eating properly and exercising. I don’t know how many pounds I’ll lose, though that’s not the point. I know I will feel better, have more energy and stamina and creativity. This time it just feels different.
The difference this time is that I have a reason to be healthy and whole beyond my own selfish desire to look better and feel better: to do the work God designed me to do. It is to live out the plan he has made for me. God has indeed been preparing me in many ways for this turning point. Many of the events in my life have served to shape and mold, refine and redefine who I am at my core. God has been busy within me—in my mind and my heart and especially within my soul. So this time things are different.
The difference this time is that it is not about me and what I want and what I feel I’m depriving myself of by not eating the food I am so addicted to, or my eating because of what I feel so deprived of otherwise in my life. This time it is about God’s desire for me to be the person He sees me as. This time, I want to be the whole, healthy, energetic, dynamic person he sees in his mind’s eye – and I cannot be that person with my current BMI, at my current weight, with my current eating habits, and in my current job.
When we talk about needing to set our mind on something – like losing weight or quitting smoking or giving up another addiction – it’s really missing the point. We need to set our hearts on it. We need to surrender our own will and our own desires to God. The past 50 years have borne out the fact that I am incapable of doing what I need to do to be healthy and whole on my own. It is now clear, in no uncertain terms, that God must be the key ingredient.
Vocabulary changes once God enters into the conversation.
“I’ll go to the gym if I’m not too exhausted after work,” becomes “After I go to the gym I’ll have more energy and feel better. I also won’t be as hungry for junk food, and will want healthful foods for nourishment.” Each of us can substitute the vocabulary for his own stronghold and replace it with a new vocabulary that contains God-filled, God-centered words of renewal and rebirth.
This is about more than my desire to lose weight. My weight is the last stronghold in my life, the last vestige of my own attempting to be in charge of myself and my life. I have used food as an excuse to not be the person God made me to be. I don’t even like most of the junk food I’ve been medicating myself with all these years! I am a defiant and rebellious child, petulant and ego-centric.
What is so breathtaking to me is that God doesn’t care how much I weigh. He doesn’t care what I look like. He doesn’t care what clothes I wear, or where I live. He doesn’t love me less because I have built this wall of food addiction around me. He doesn’t try to knock down the wall, because he knows he could at any time. But he hasn’t done so because He wants me to be the one to punch a hole in the brickwork and walk on through to the other side.
Of course, God wants me to be healthy and happy and whole. I don’t speak the truth when I say he doesn’t care. God cares very much. He cares so much he hung on a cross for me. He hung there, by choice, to show me how very much I mean to him. What I meant to say is that God is not distracted or deterred in his love for me by appearances or circumstances.
God cares so much that he wants me to be healthy and whole and to grow into the woman he designed me to be, with a specific purpose and a gift to give the world.
Psalm 139:14
I will give thanks unto thee; For I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Wonderful are thy works; And that my soul knoweth right well.
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