It Hurts
February 22nd 2012 04:10
The past, that is. I know how useless it is to run away from it, and yet thats what I always seem to do. Is keeping it in a locked box so very different from running from it? How many of us feel we are a different person now to who we were then? I dont mean that figuratively, I mean quite literally as if that other life died, and now has absolutely no connection to then.
Its absurd, of course, and oh so very new agey now to say, Oh, my mistakes made me who I am. All those painful events brought me here, so it must all be part of the wonderful now. New agey is definitely losing its appeal in this way, for we are so secure, so evidently happy as ourselves in today, and when someone remarks on that past self its a rude shock. We want them to shut up. We change the subject. And if that rude boob continues to remind us, we simply disengage from the entire conversation.
Its too painful, by far, to remember that we were that person. For all our new agey ways and all of our guided meditations and trips to stinky stores for healing perfumed candles, its all surface gloss. Deep down we know its a pile of bullshit, and worse, we are making ourselves eat it.
Fuck new age I say. Fuck Po Mo and all it suggests. Moving on is healthy, and if we need to have a clean break between who we were then and who we are now, then so be it. The REAL essence of the new age theories is to be in the Now, and you cant be in the now if you let go the past, right?
But therein lies another conundrum, because as I said, that past self cant ever leave you. Its attached, no matter how detatched you may become. Its that locked box you're dragging around, the buzz word 'baggage' everyones suddenly talking about but not really examining.
But who wants to examine? Thats why we do so much talking about baggage and releasing the past an ho ha, look, we're eating bullshit again.
The truth is, you arent that past self. They are who they are, safely locked in those years that now can never be relived.
And you are who you are now.....All you can do and all you owe yourself is to look to the future, and who knows, future self might just hate this present self just as much, for the same or different reasons, who knows? But we certainly wont if we dont stop thinking about it, and bloody get started getting there.
Its absurd, of course, and oh so very new agey now to say, Oh, my mistakes made me who I am. All those painful events brought me here, so it must all be part of the wonderful now. New agey is definitely losing its appeal in this way, for we are so secure, so evidently happy as ourselves in today, and when someone remarks on that past self its a rude shock. We want them to shut up. We change the subject. And if that rude boob continues to remind us, we simply disengage from the entire conversation.
Its too painful, by far, to remember that we were that person. For all our new agey ways and all of our guided meditations and trips to stinky stores for healing perfumed candles, its all surface gloss. Deep down we know its a pile of bullshit, and worse, we are making ourselves eat it.
Fuck new age I say. Fuck Po Mo and all it suggests. Moving on is healthy, and if we need to have a clean break between who we were then and who we are now, then so be it. The REAL essence of the new age theories is to be in the Now, and you cant be in the now if you let go the past, right?
But therein lies another conundrum, because as I said, that past self cant ever leave you. Its attached, no matter how detatched you may become. Its that locked box you're dragging around, the buzz word 'baggage' everyones suddenly talking about but not really examining.
But who wants to examine? Thats why we do so much talking about baggage and releasing the past an ho ha, look, we're eating bullshit again.
The truth is, you arent that past self. They are who they are, safely locked in those years that now can never be relived.
And you are who you are now.....All you can do and all you owe yourself is to look to the future, and who knows, future self might just hate this present self just as much, for the same or different reasons, who knows? But we certainly wont if we dont stop thinking about it, and bloody get started getting there.
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