Is there a fly Plague in Melbourne?
November 26th 2007 10:31
Review on the Fly
Flies are the new Mosquito in Melbourne this summer. Encouraged to flourish by the plethora of cow poo and humid conditions in NSW, they hitchhike on the hot northerlies to the fashion capital of Australia. Their mission: to irritate the sleepy eyed office workers as they emerge from their winter slumber and become the ultimate insect accessory.
The fly frontrunners are well aware that Melbournites leap enthusiastically from their cavernous subterranean wombs and bask in the early summer sun during the November months. During this time the protective winter skin of the office worker is shed , providing a scaly smorgoborde for the air borne invaders. Eyes and mouths have been the prime target of the flies this season, who have moved away from the once fashionable back. But is the fly pestilence merely a result of those habitual indoor dwellers becoming reunited with the wonders and woes of the natural world? A leading entymologist thinks not:
“I believe there is a move toward flies this summer, as people go for the lighter, freer feel of the humble housefly. Moths were huge during the winter, and as there is a shortage of locusts, flies have really become THE insect to be seen shoo-ing in November”.
At particular risk of oral invasion are the Movember participants, or Mo-bros, whose hibernating moustaches have emerged after a year being buried deep in the top lip to find they have become beacons for bothersome insects. Perhaps attracted to the remains of meals which have become affixed to the wiry hair, the flies have shown no consideration for the charitable works of Melbourne’s moustached men.
One cannot fail to notice a particular dopiness in the population of this seasons arrivals, who buzz languorously around the head, barely bothering to avoid the waving hands that seek to protect vulnerable orifices. The most infuriarting of all of this seasons flock is the individual fly that makes its way onto the tram. Intoxicated by the rich miasma of bodily scents, they become discombobulated and lethargic. Despite their defenceless state, no one will execute the requisite death blow, as this is considered poor taste on public transport. Drunk on the heady mix of human body odours, the airborne sot will happily flop through the air at the mortification of its hapless target, who will nonchalantly attempt to dissuade the fly through non lethal means. Deft and subtle swishes of the head and furtive blowing through pursed lips are popular this year, however there is a new school of ubercool hipsters embracing the flies and allowing them free reign on their face.
“I’ve got a fly on my face – who cares?” It’s a bold statement. It remains to be seen whether it will catch on. In any case, the new trend is in full flight, and coming to a picnic near you.
If you have reply on the fly, a buzzing opinion or someother lame pun - make your comment at will . . .
Flies are the new Mosquito in Melbourne this summer. Encouraged to flourish by the plethora of cow poo and humid conditions in NSW, they hitchhike on the hot northerlies to the fashion capital of Australia. Their mission: to irritate the sleepy eyed office workers as they emerge from their winter slumber and become the ultimate insect accessory.
The fly frontrunners are well aware that Melbournites leap enthusiastically from their cavernous subterranean wombs and bask in the early summer sun during the November months. During this time the protective winter skin of the office worker is shed , providing a scaly smorgoborde for the air borne invaders. Eyes and mouths have been the prime target of the flies this season, who have moved away from the once fashionable back. But is the fly pestilence merely a result of those habitual indoor dwellers becoming reunited with the wonders and woes of the natural world? A leading entymologist thinks not:
“I believe there is a move toward flies this summer, as people go for the lighter, freer feel of the humble housefly. Moths were huge during the winter, and as there is a shortage of locusts, flies have really become THE insect to be seen shoo-ing in November”.
At particular risk of oral invasion are the Movember participants, or Mo-bros, whose hibernating moustaches have emerged after a year being buried deep in the top lip to find they have become beacons for bothersome insects. Perhaps attracted to the remains of meals which have become affixed to the wiry hair, the flies have shown no consideration for the charitable works of Melbourne’s moustached men.
One cannot fail to notice a particular dopiness in the population of this seasons arrivals, who buzz languorously around the head, barely bothering to avoid the waving hands that seek to protect vulnerable orifices. The most infuriarting of all of this seasons flock is the individual fly that makes its way onto the tram. Intoxicated by the rich miasma of bodily scents, they become discombobulated and lethargic. Despite their defenceless state, no one will execute the requisite death blow, as this is considered poor taste on public transport. Drunk on the heady mix of human body odours, the airborne sot will happily flop through the air at the mortification of its hapless target, who will nonchalantly attempt to dissuade the fly through non lethal means. Deft and subtle swishes of the head and furtive blowing through pursed lips are popular this year, however there is a new school of ubercool hipsters embracing the flies and allowing them free reign on their face.
“I’ve got a fly on my face – who cares?” It’s a bold statement. It remains to be seen whether it will catch on. In any case, the new trend is in full flight, and coming to a picnic near you.
If you have reply on the fly, a buzzing opinion or someother lame pun - make your comment at will . . .
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Worth voting for.