Is it possible for pastors to become co-dependent?
February 4th 2011 17:20
By the very nature of the ministry, pastors are at risk of creating people who become co-dependent on them. Could it be that pastors are also at risk of becoming co-dependent upon people, especially those within the local churches in which they serve? If so, what do pastors do or not do that enables them to become co-dependent. What should they be on guard against?
A co-dependent is "loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her” (via Wikipedia). A codependent is "one side of a relationship between mutually needy people". Some pastors are no different than anyone else when it comes to being needy. Neediness drives one to "seek acceptance, agreement and affirmation from other people." When that acceptance, agreement and affirmation is found, the needy person becomes co-dependent upon the source.
A needy pastor needs a needy people in order that mutual co-dependence can be established. Unfortunately, many churches have been "deeply victimized by the dysfunctional world we live in and it is creating an abundance of needy pastors and people." Though a connection between a co-dependent pastor and a co-dependent people may appear to be a great marriage on the surface, it creates unwanted anxiety in the life of the pastor because he must feed the people what they want in order to insure "loyal dependence will continue on their part". Such a relationship can become a vicious cycle where everyone ends up disappointed and disillusioned in the end.
The needy pastor functions best in a setting where the people think “there is no one greater or more faithful than their pastor and he knows it.” If God called him to another church, he may not recognize that call because he is so secure in the people and ministry where he currently serves.
Now that we have identified the problem, what is the solution? The enablers (whether on the side of the pastor or the people) must stop enabling beginning with the pastor. Co-dependent pastors are known for being out front whether at a Saturday birthday party or a Sunday morning worship service. Seldom do they delegate and share ministry, rather they do the bulk of the work themselves. They receive much of the glory for themselves that should be given to God and take much of the credit from the congregation that would be given to them if they were released to do the work of the ministry. It is this kind of pastoral leadership that is "creating much of the consumeristic mentality" in the church today.
Everyone within the local church has a role and when they do not fulfill that role, there is a resulting vacuum that creates neediness. When pastors do the ministry and work that God has called His people to do for themselves; everyone misses their God-given role, people get their feelings hurt, and the mission of God goes unaccomplished. God has designed the church for everyone to participate “based on the gift they have received, everyone should use it to serve others” I Peter 4:10.
Too often, the least concern of the pastor or the people is the spiritual health and well-being of the pastor. Instead, we are concerned with budgets, buildings, baptisms and Bertha’s back spasms – which are all the responsibilities of the pastor. Philip Yancey addressed the problem when he said, “I wonder how much more effective our churches would be if we made the pastor’s spiritual health – not the pastor’s efficiency – our number one priority.”
A pastor will only be spiritually healthy to the degree He is dependent upon God and not the people – and that dependence is the basis of his personal acceptance, agreement and affirmation.
A co-dependent is "loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her” (via Wikipedia). A codependent is "one side of a relationship between mutually needy people". Some pastors are no different than anyone else when it comes to being needy. Neediness drives one to "seek acceptance, agreement and affirmation from other people." When that acceptance, agreement and affirmation is found, the needy person becomes co-dependent upon the source.
A needy pastor needs a needy people in order that mutual co-dependence can be established. Unfortunately, many churches have been "deeply victimized by the dysfunctional world we live in and it is creating an abundance of needy pastors and people." Though a connection between a co-dependent pastor and a co-dependent people may appear to be a great marriage on the surface, it creates unwanted anxiety in the life of the pastor because he must feed the people what they want in order to insure "loyal dependence will continue on their part". Such a relationship can become a vicious cycle where everyone ends up disappointed and disillusioned in the end.
The needy pastor functions best in a setting where the people think “there is no one greater or more faithful than their pastor and he knows it.” If God called him to another church, he may not recognize that call because he is so secure in the people and ministry where he currently serves.
Now that we have identified the problem, what is the solution? The enablers (whether on the side of the pastor or the people) must stop enabling beginning with the pastor. Co-dependent pastors are known for being out front whether at a Saturday birthday party or a Sunday morning worship service. Seldom do they delegate and share ministry, rather they do the bulk of the work themselves. They receive much of the glory for themselves that should be given to God and take much of the credit from the congregation that would be given to them if they were released to do the work of the ministry. It is this kind of pastoral leadership that is "creating much of the consumeristic mentality" in the church today.
Everyone within the local church has a role and when they do not fulfill that role, there is a resulting vacuum that creates neediness. When pastors do the ministry and work that God has called His people to do for themselves; everyone misses their God-given role, people get their feelings hurt, and the mission of God goes unaccomplished. God has designed the church for everyone to participate “based on the gift they have received, everyone should use it to serve others” I Peter 4:10.
Too often, the least concern of the pastor or the people is the spiritual health and well-being of the pastor. Instead, we are concerned with budgets, buildings, baptisms and Bertha’s back spasms – which are all the responsibilities of the pastor. Philip Yancey addressed the problem when he said, “I wonder how much more effective our churches would be if we made the pastor’s spiritual health – not the pastor’s efficiency – our number one priority.”
A pastor will only be spiritually healthy to the degree He is dependent upon God and not the people – and that dependence is the basis of his personal acceptance, agreement and affirmation.
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