Is it a bird? Is it a plane?No, it's... Super Barrio!
April 12th 2010 06:32
Do you have a child who's afraid of the dark? A female workmate who's nervous about walking to the car park after night falls? Do you avoid dark alleys and automatic teller machines for fear of being mugged? Then have I got news for you!
Fear no longer, good citizens! Super-Barrio is here! And The Eye. And Angle Grinder Man. And... well - lots more.
Every night while we mere mortals sleep, super-heroes are quietly patrolling the streets in major cities around the world, seeking out wrong-doers and scaring them into submission with their slightly ridiculous costumes.
It's no surprise to find that New York is the epicenter of global super-heroism. There are so many walking the streets of the Big Apple the city really doesn't need a police force. Oddly enough, they keep one anyway.
"Dark Guardian" is among the more well-known caped crusaders in NYC. Dressed in a billowy black robe and metallic mask, he looks like the result of a one-night-stand between Obi Wan Kenobi and Hannibal Lecter. DG is ably assisted by his side-kick, "The Cameraman" who follows his boss around Central Park video-taping drug dealers and muggers.But only Dark Guardian gets to hand the tapes to the cops.
Further south in New Jersey, "The Phantom Zero" takes a different approach to super-heroism. Phantom Zero uses his powers to raise money for charity and distribute food to street folk. He says he tried crime fighting once when he went out on patrol with Dark Guardian and The Cameraman, but was so scared he's never gone back.
In the UK, "Angle Grinder Man" also believes he is using his powers for the greater good, although Scotland Yard apparently doesn't share that view.
AGM wanders the streets of London after dark dressed in a blue leotard and tights, seeking out cars that have been wheel-clamped and setting them free.
He says he's engaged in a rebellion against "the arrogant contempt that politicians hold for the people that put them into power".
That might be true but "up, up and away" is a lot easier to say.
In fact, the number of real-life superheroes has grown so rapidly there is now a World Superhero Registry, which keeps track of all the super-beings out there protecting the meek and the innocent.
The registry lists the details of dozens of caped crusaders and has a waiting list of hundreds more, waiting to be verified before they can be added to the ranks of elite costumed crime-fighters.
The registry's website has a support forum, and tutorials dealing with everything from costume design and the maintenance of secret identities, to hints on super-hero weaponry such as stun guns, tracking transmitters and weapons that fire nets to catch and hold bad-guys until the police arrive to make a formal arrest.
The registry can be viewed at Really Long Link
With so many heroes crowding the cities of the world it's important for those who wish to stand out to have a gimmick.
Italian crime buster "Entomo," for example, aims to protect people and the environment.
In Hong Kong "Red Arrow" uses the catchcry, "become the salt and light of the world".
I have no idea what that means.
Canada's "Polar Man" is a super-hero/public servant, coming out at night to shovel snow from people's driveways and the entrances to shopping centers. He's also been known to bop vandals over the head with his spade.
Which brings us back to Super-Barrio, who has been protecting the weak and helpless in Mexico for so long he's fast approaching retirement.
His red super-suit is a few sizes bigger these days and it's hard not to notice the paunch hanging over the top of the golden underpants he wears over his red tights.
He gets heckled (a common problem for real-life super-heroes, it seems) and can no longer run down criminals, possibly throughf fear of having a heart attack.
But he says he can still fight for the rights of the poor, the unemployed and the disabled.
He recently told reporters, "I can't stop a train or a plane or a bullet, but I can stop someone from getting evicted."
"Helping a family keep a roof over their heads is just as heroic as protecting them from criminals," he said.
Which may well make Super-Barrio the world's first super-hero without a super ego.
Fear no longer, good citizens! Super-Barrio is here! And The Eye. And Angle Grinder Man. And... well - lots more.
Every night while we mere mortals sleep, super-heroes are quietly patrolling the streets in major cities around the world, seeking out wrong-doers and scaring them into submission with their slightly ridiculous costumes.
It's no surprise to find that New York is the epicenter of global super-heroism. There are so many walking the streets of the Big Apple the city really doesn't need a police force. Oddly enough, they keep one anyway.
"Dark Guardian" is among the more well-known caped crusaders in NYC. Dressed in a billowy black robe and metallic mask, he looks like the result of a one-night-stand between Obi Wan Kenobi and Hannibal Lecter. DG is ably assisted by his side-kick, "The Cameraman" who follows his boss around Central Park video-taping drug dealers and muggers.But only Dark Guardian gets to hand the tapes to the cops.
Further south in New Jersey, "The Phantom Zero" takes a different approach to super-heroism. Phantom Zero uses his powers to raise money for charity and distribute food to street folk. He says he tried crime fighting once when he went out on patrol with Dark Guardian and The Cameraman, but was so scared he's never gone back.
In the UK, "Angle Grinder Man" also believes he is using his powers for the greater good, although Scotland Yard apparently doesn't share that view.
AGM wanders the streets of London after dark dressed in a blue leotard and tights, seeking out cars that have been wheel-clamped and setting them free.
He says he's engaged in a rebellion against "the arrogant contempt that politicians hold for the people that put them into power".
That might be true but "up, up and away" is a lot easier to say.
In fact, the number of real-life superheroes has grown so rapidly there is now a World Superhero Registry, which keeps track of all the super-beings out there protecting the meek and the innocent.
The registry lists the details of dozens of caped crusaders and has a waiting list of hundreds more, waiting to be verified before they can be added to the ranks of elite costumed crime-fighters.
The registry's website has a support forum, and tutorials dealing with everything from costume design and the maintenance of secret identities, to hints on super-hero weaponry such as stun guns, tracking transmitters and weapons that fire nets to catch and hold bad-guys until the police arrive to make a formal arrest.
The registry can be viewed at Really Long Link
With so many heroes crowding the cities of the world it's important for those who wish to stand out to have a gimmick.
Italian crime buster "Entomo," for example, aims to protect people and the environment.
In Hong Kong "Red Arrow" uses the catchcry, "become the salt and light of the world".
I have no idea what that means.
Canada's "Polar Man" is a super-hero/public servant, coming out at night to shovel snow from people's driveways and the entrances to shopping centers. He's also been known to bop vandals over the head with his spade.
Which brings us back to Super-Barrio, who has been protecting the weak and helpless in Mexico for so long he's fast approaching retirement.
His red super-suit is a few sizes bigger these days and it's hard not to notice the paunch hanging over the top of the golden underpants he wears over his red tights.
He gets heckled (a common problem for real-life super-heroes, it seems) and can no longer run down criminals, possibly throughf fear of having a heart attack.
But he says he can still fight for the rights of the poor, the unemployed and the disabled.
He recently told reporters, "I can't stop a train or a plane or a bullet, but I can stop someone from getting evicted."
"Helping a family keep a roof over their heads is just as heroic as protecting them from criminals," he said.
Which may well make Super-Barrio the world's first super-hero without a super ego.
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