Instability in a small town
November 1st 2007 10:54
You gotta look up to feel small
I sat in the house, sweating and sticking to the leather lounge chair and surfing between channels. Options were limited. Moronic pseudo forensic police dramas infuriated me and reality tv scared me too much. Something was gnawing at me from the inside, like a parasitic tic with its head buried in me - infesting my bloodstream with toxins as it trippled its bodymass in half hour time slots. I resisted it. Or rather, the craftily conditioned functioning member of society I had become, resisted it. It was growing though, and soon, when the fat little body had consumed enough to convert me, my resistance would break. This shit diet of tv and artificial meats products was reducing my ability to engage with the universe...
Soon, I would give in to the urge.
It was an urge to smash things. An overwhelming desire to destroy - because I could no longer create. I felt like my neck was burning. My teeth were clenched. In an automatinc movement I ripped my slippery irritated arse out of the chair and headed outside.
The wind was changing. I felt the first cool lick of a cool breeze soothe the sweat on my neck. Clouds were swirling overhead as the sun dipped behind the Warby Ranges. The volcanic mountains hulked over the town. Their bulk dwarfed me, and my petty swelling impulses. I realised that this whole landscape must have felt the way I did right now, at some particularly frustrating stage in the Cretaceous period. When it had let off, it did so with an earth trembling apoplexy. Its only natural. You gotta break down the old to create something new.
Sometimes this town felt like you were wearing in clothes that didn't fit, a uniform that was shrinking rapidly and pretty soon they would be too constricting to take off, to breathe even.
Suffocating.
Until you stepped outside. Then the place showed you, the elements reminded you, just how small you were. How small this place was. I started to walk and the churning in my soul was placated.
For the moment.
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Comment by Harry
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Comment by Lily
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you write very well Andy.....
~lily