In other news
February 18th 2012 04:46
Here are some of the more funny, weird and tragic things I have found in the news.
KILLER and standover man Mark "Chopper" Read has been banned from firing the starter's pistol at his son's Little Athletics group.
"It is insulting because the ordinary crim - bank robbers, car thieves and burglars - they don't interfere with children.
"It's priests, boy scout leaders, teachers and other effeminate characters that interfere with kiddies. But crooks like me don't interfere with children. It is insulting to even be put in that class."
Read's son Roy, 8, had been attending Little Athletics in Collingwood for a year when Read claims he was asked to volunteer his services firing the starter's pistol.
"They asked me to be the starter, with the little cap gun and saying: ready, set, go," Read said.
"I said: ready, set, go - bang. Ready, set, go - bang. Ready, set, go - bang, and off they went about four or five times.
"Then the lady in charge said there had been complaints ... I won't be able to do it (without) a working with children clearance."
Little Athletics Victoria general manager Dean Paulin said the organisation would have allowed Read to start races had the Government approved his safety check.
A Department of Justice spokeswoman said all applications were assessed in line with the stringent procedures.
I would like to remind Chopper something. Although effeminate men do seem to intefer with children a lot, a majore proportion of homosexual rape happens in the prison system. Also if Mr.Read thinks that career criminals don't hurt children he needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Career criminals hurt children all the time, especially thier own. Just ask any social worker.
COLOMBIAN pop singer Shakira has blamed her BlackBerry for sparking a sea lion attack - suggesting the marine mammal mistook the shiny black phone for a fish.
The 35-year-old Hips Don't Lie singer immediately alerted fans to the situation, posting on her Twitter account, "Omg what just happened to me! I was attacked by a sea lion!" before taking to Facebook to provide additional details and photographs in a "special report".
"(It) looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me," she wrote, adding she was paralysed by fear and was rescued by her brother, whom she dubbed "Super Tony" and credited with saving her life.
"We both got our hands and legs scratched by the rocks while trying to protect ourselves," she wrote. "I believe what happened is that it confused the shiny reflection of the Blackberry I was taking these pics with, with some sort of fish."
Since her interaction with the sea lion, Shakira has posted other vacation photographs on Twitter, including her with penguins - which she noted were "definitely friendlier" - and a baboon sitting on her car.
Now this is a headline that is sure to get attention. I mean come on, if Shakira and Sea Lion dosn't get your attention then nothing will. I think maybe the sea lion was just trying to get an autograph.
This is how I imagine the exchange taking place:
Sea Lion: Ohh look it's Shakira. Excuse me miss Shakira, Miss Shakira. I'm a huge fan of yours. I have all your songs at home. Listen I wrote a song about it:
"OOOOH fish, my mouth don't lie and I'm feeling hungry now"
Sea Lion: Anyway can I have your autograph?
Here Shakira pulls out her Blackberry
Sea Lion: OOOh I've got one of those as well. Can I add you on my facebook page?, Here I'll show you how it's done. No don't run away. No come back. Nooooooooooo
Also I couldn't find this on the internet anywhere but I will try and explain from memory. There was a big report recently on how a lot of different bits of property would go missing. These were all bits of property from state departments and emergency services. The part that caught my attention was this: A CFA department lost, wait for it, a fire truck. That's right a fire truck!!!. How can someone loose a fire truck?, It's the size of a, well fire truck. I can just imagine the conversation between the fireman and his supervisor.
Fire man on the phone: Ahhh look boss. I've got some bad news for you. You know that girl I've been seeing? Well she's got this thing for firetrucks. So, in order to try and impress her......I borrowed one of them. We went out on a date and I well, ......that is to say, we lost it. At first I thought I can't remember where I parked it. So, I looked all over the car park and couldn't find it.
So I thought maybe put it in the back pocket of my new jeans but it wasn't there either. Then I looked around everywhere at home. I looked in the cupboard. I looked in the top drawer, I looked in the bottom drawer, I looked in the garage....
I'm telling you I've looked everywhere for it!!!!!
Shakira
Really Long Link
Chopper Read
Really Long Link
KILLER and standover man Mark "Chopper" Read has been banned from firing the starter's pistol at his son's Little Athletics group.
"It is insulting because the ordinary crim - bank robbers, car thieves and burglars - they don't interfere with children.
"It's priests, boy scout leaders, teachers and other effeminate characters that interfere with kiddies. But crooks like me don't interfere with children. It is insulting to even be put in that class."
Read's son Roy, 8, had been attending Little Athletics in Collingwood for a year when Read claims he was asked to volunteer his services firing the starter's pistol.
"They asked me to be the starter, with the little cap gun and saying: ready, set, go," Read said.
"I said: ready, set, go - bang. Ready, set, go - bang. Ready, set, go - bang, and off they went about four or five times.
"Then the lady in charge said there had been complaints ... I won't be able to do it (without) a working with children clearance."
Little Athletics Victoria general manager Dean Paulin said the organisation would have allowed Read to start races had the Government approved his safety check.
A Department of Justice spokeswoman said all applications were assessed in line with the stringent procedures.
I would like to remind Chopper something. Although effeminate men do seem to intefer with children a lot, a majore proportion of homosexual rape happens in the prison system. Also if Mr.Read thinks that career criminals don't hurt children he needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Career criminals hurt children all the time, especially thier own. Just ask any social worker.
COLOMBIAN pop singer Shakira has blamed her BlackBerry for sparking a sea lion attack - suggesting the marine mammal mistook the shiny black phone for a fish.
The 35-year-old Hips Don't Lie singer immediately alerted fans to the situation, posting on her Twitter account, "Omg what just happened to me! I was attacked by a sea lion!" before taking to Facebook to provide additional details and photographs in a "special report".
"(It) looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me," she wrote, adding she was paralysed by fear and was rescued by her brother, whom she dubbed "Super Tony" and credited with saving her life.
"We both got our hands and legs scratched by the rocks while trying to protect ourselves," she wrote. "I believe what happened is that it confused the shiny reflection of the Blackberry I was taking these pics with, with some sort of fish."
Since her interaction with the sea lion, Shakira has posted other vacation photographs on Twitter, including her with penguins - which she noted were "definitely friendlier" - and a baboon sitting on her car.
Now this is a headline that is sure to get attention. I mean come on, if Shakira and Sea Lion dosn't get your attention then nothing will. I think maybe the sea lion was just trying to get an autograph.
This is how I imagine the exchange taking place:
Sea Lion: Ohh look it's Shakira. Excuse me miss Shakira, Miss Shakira. I'm a huge fan of yours. I have all your songs at home. Listen I wrote a song about it:
"OOOOH fish, my mouth don't lie and I'm feeling hungry now"
Sea Lion: Anyway can I have your autograph?
Here Shakira pulls out her Blackberry
Sea Lion: OOOh I've got one of those as well. Can I add you on my facebook page?, Here I'll show you how it's done. No don't run away. No come back. Nooooooooooo
Also I couldn't find this on the internet anywhere but I will try and explain from memory. There was a big report recently on how a lot of different bits of property would go missing. These were all bits of property from state departments and emergency services. The part that caught my attention was this: A CFA department lost, wait for it, a fire truck. That's right a fire truck!!!. How can someone loose a fire truck?, It's the size of a, well fire truck. I can just imagine the conversation between the fireman and his supervisor.
Fire man on the phone: Ahhh look boss. I've got some bad news for you. You know that girl I've been seeing? Well she's got this thing for firetrucks. So, in order to try and impress her......I borrowed one of them. We went out on a date and I well, ......that is to say, we lost it. At first I thought I can't remember where I parked it. So, I looked all over the car park and couldn't find it.
So I thought maybe put it in the back pocket of my new jeans but it wasn't there either. Then I looked around everywhere at home. I looked in the cupboard. I looked in the top drawer, I looked in the bottom drawer, I looked in the garage....
I'm telling you I've looked everywhere for it!!!!!
Shakira
Really Long Link
Chopper Read
Really Long Link
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