pieceofmymindI'm Not Ready For This.
May 29th 2007 21:00
Looks Like The Storm In My Life Is About To Get Worse
What is scaring me even more is her conversation. Today, she told my mother that she is ready to go. She told my mother that she may not even be here before she gets back from work. Then when my uncle visited, she told him that if she didn’t see her children anymore today, she had done all that she could do. So here I sit, in front of my laptop, about six paces away from where my grandmother lays in her bed. The home health aide will be here at 5:30, but I almost feel like I don’t want to go home. For some reason, I feel like I want to be here with her when she takes her last breath. Is that crazy? I am not sure, but I just feel that way. Since God is the only one who knows exactly when that moment will be, I guess I have to take the time I have and be happy with that. Honestly, my being here is not going to stop it; I think I feel like it is such a big thing to transition out of life that I just want to be here for support.
As I mentioned, she is so tired. It is difficult to have a conversation with her because her voice is so low. Everything makes her tired. As much as I want her to stay, I hate to see her like this. I know that she is suffering, and it seems cruel. It is still early in the day, so I have yet to see what the evening will bring. I hope that the feeling I had this morning turns out to be a fluke. It is difficult to wait for death when you know it is coming. Now I know why no one should ever know the exact date that they are going to die beforehand; I (or anyone else) would lose my mind waiting around for it.
Anyone who reads this, please pray for my family to have strength in this difficult time; we are going to need it.
| 34 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
What a difficult time for you right now. I know what you're going through, having been there myself. You're right, your being there can't stop whatever will happen. But I'm sure that your presence gives your grandmother strength and comfort......so it's not wasted.
Thinking of you.
Kylie