I'm home, and about my mom!"
July 24th 2007 18:09
It sounds like my mom still just wants cremated, and no funeral. I feel robbed, because i had thought all along that we would have a funeral. I found out when i got home, so now i feel like i didn't get a goodbye still. I stayed three days, going to see her once a day. I wanted to see her longer but she's sleepy and withall the family that are going to see her, we each only get about five minutes with her. Hospice is taking time too. In three days i only realy got about 15 minutes with her. Next time i see her she will be dust, ashes or whatever you call it.
Life is not life for my mom and i know she needs, and wants to die, and thats ok. I still can be sad, i can still worry, i can still hate the thought that i'll not see her again until once or twice she comes in my dream, and when i die, unless one of us goes to heaven and one to hell if there is a hell. They should have community service in heaven, so she can still go. i thought of begging for a swicth, me instead of her, but then the thought of burning forever for something i didn't even do, no, i can't do taht. Now if it was for one of my kids, then i'd do it in a second. But not for my mom. I love and adore her, but the choices she made, she should have never made.
I had a great time at my brothers. Thats where Kaitlyn and i stayed. She hit it off right away with my niece Kaitlyn. Yep, they have the same name. She's 13 and it's the first time i met her. My brother just got back together with her mom. This child isn't his, but the son is. We don't look at it like that. She is my neice and his daughter. Her and Kaity hit it off so well, that she came home with us for a few weeks. We leave sunday to the ocean, and a harbor timeshare through Wyndham Worldwide. She's comming along. She's never been to the ocean. I've had my fill of the ocean, so i'm not looking as forward to that part, but the rest, pools indoor and out, the timeshare it's self, billards, tennis, games and all the such. I can't wait.
My friend Denises daughter is still comming to.It's an all girls trip. After Illinois, Chris decided to stay home, especialy since we have a three week trip comming in september.
We have been busy since Sunday. Went straight home and got a making up horse lesson for the girls. 5 hours all crammed into one day, to make up for the time we where away. The trainer is her now again, working on a new pasture we're putting in for Blazing Fire who comes home this week, all broke after a month away with our trainer. Next Apache will probably go. Our trainer has been comming her usualy a few times a week orking with both horses and the girls. He's going to give my niece Kaity 3 free riding lessons while she is here. She has dreamed of horses for her whole life. She'll be 14 in oct. She rode Apach a little Sunday and was smiling from ear to ear. She's never realy ridden.
well, thats it for thise post. we went to a theme park yesterday. I have lots of pics to share and stuff to write. soon i will do taht.
Tammy
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Comment by Nickoftime's Sanity Corner
God bless you and your Mom, this can't be easy for anyone, especially the two of you...
All I can do is to offer you my prayers and my empathy...and that you have by the tons..
Take care and be well,
Nick
Comment by katyzzz
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I wish Medicine could have done more for your mum and earlier, life can be sad, and God is all forgiving. He has to be.
Have faith and pray for your mum that her last days may be peaceful ones.
You can have your own private little service, it need not be a public one.
My heart reaches out and travels to you and your loved ones. Words are not sufficient but I am sorry.
katyzzz
Comment by Miswanderlust
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What a blessing that you are able to reach out to your mother and spend time together. My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Mis
Comment by Miss Nomer