I see dumb people - part one (LINK)
May 1st 2008 14:02
Yeah it's been awhile since I posted anything though I've been busy ok.
Yeah its a catch phrase that we all can flick about the place but that's not the point. I am lying awake wondering - more about the situation I find myself in. About dumb people. I am thinking its not awfully smart pointing out the stupidness of others. How dumb people really are. Even people reading this. Even after a cupful of my cruel cynicism and all the 'clever' people who have go this far, realising its a clever linguistic trap and have bailed for the next post. Maybe but maybe not.
Maybe you're just like me and can barely contain yourself at the stupid things you see people around you say and do everyday. It's not like you feel you know 'everything' or that you're a genius, but somehow you just know, and feel ... frustrated by dumb people all around you. Maybe you've got something to say about this post, eternally spiraling into itself ad infinitum into the world of dumbness. I feel numb with it. And bored with it.
Control. Is that it? Maybe I'd like people to make me feel as dumb as I think they are. Poignant paraphrasing, people who'd say I have attrocious grammar and spelling, though I must say typing this in a small room in the dark while my partner snores and the world of dumb sleeps is kind of invigorating. I could scream sometimes, and mainly because I can watch and see dumb people everyday doing dumb things. Like what you're probably thinking? God pick a subject or a situation - I could write a small book on it - or at least think one. I am not better than anyone else in anyway. I don't feel this superiority or teacher figure or anything. I just roar with laughter often and fumble for something else on a real life remote. Ok an example and I hate this but here goes.
We went to a shopping mall today. A mega complex. A super mega shopping mall. A small town within a city that looks like a hollywood set with every main brand store you can imagine in it. The car park is so big you almost need another car to get from the carpark to the mall. Mega. And in the mega mall is mega dumbness. The first person we meet is standing in the middle of the mall stopping people asking them if they like animals? Wow, I thought what a brilliant way to ask for money instead of singing out of tune with a hat in front of you. So do I like animals? I like eating them I replied. Well the lady didn't know what to do with her brochure. And then .. wait for it... dumbness amplified. This is a cynical dumb misguided comment to a person I don't know. Oh she said nothing but my partner slaps me for being insensitive to this woman's feelings. A joke? Oh yeah we had jokes back in the 80's but now dumbness and political correctness has taken over and you just can't make fun of a person trying to get your change to save a mammal. What's wrong with saving animals? Nothing ok, but what about saving humans first... oh we're doomed with more than 75% of the population choosing on a recent survey that they'd give food to a stray dog than a homeless person.
Maybe I'll be homeless one day... and that woman I just offended won't feed me... oh that'd be karma. Maybe she'll laugh at how stupid I look begging for food she'd rather give to a dog. If I act like a dog however I'll get removed from the MEGA store because I'm not on a leash, have no tags or registration, and the pound will come and get me and lock me up... and the lady who asked me if I liked animals got a conscience and went past the pound and saw my puppy dog eyes, and took me back to her place, to pat me and love me. Oh yeah I get it. I can do dumbness in circles forever. I could have said I loved animals. I've got a pet whale I'm sponsoring. I pay $5 a week and that ensures it gets to swim in the ocean and won't be caught by the Japanese. I am a member of greenpeace, and they send me photos of my sponsored whale so I can see how it's doing. I used to sponsor a great white shark, but after it ate 14 seals in a month I decided I put my money towards something that's really going to save the planet. Did you want a brochure? On whether I love animals or not, or to remind me to donate money to animals who can't earn money, drive cars, get jobs, goto megastores without a leash or registration. Yep we're only 15 metres inside megaville and it just gets better and better. Dumb people everywhere.
10 metres on and I could get used to the air conditioning in this place that must be using the water and power of a small town. There's a baby contest on in the next piece of space outside the supermarket. Lots of mothers with lots of babies. They've been there awhile... trust me. The combination of babies crying and mothers changing arms and hips to support their ever increasing weight. Everyone is smiling - its a contest. A photo contest. No not a security camera contest, the photographer is one hell of a worn out man trying to get the next shot. All flash and coochee coochee coochee. I want to say that none of these people are dumb per se, but the situation is. Like why? Not one of these mothers nor babies is enjoying this, but the will to win and be beautiful starts young and becomes more infantile. I just wanted a huge garbage bag full of cash to throw about the place. Free money! I'd yell. None of them would flinch I reckon. They'd all wait for their number to be called or some weird order indicated by the man with the camera.
So we go to buy a set of flanelette sheets. Yeah spelling. They have a section called Manchester though its more like Birmingham. I love how dumb department stores are laid out and how you can never find anything you want in them easily. Queen sized sheets. We found the sheets section and there's single, double and king sized. Ok no queens sized sheets - fuuny though eh? So we try and find someone to ask... ok its a MEGA store so we are about to walk out, walk 50 metres away from Manchester towards the book section and there they are. Queen sized sheets. Great. On the way out I to pay for the sheets it was great. The storeperson said that they have a new system now that you can scan and pay for your goods on your own. Cool I said. What do we have to do? Well first you need to give them to me. How come? Because I need to take the electronic tag off them. So we gave her the sheets and she gave them back. Now what? Well now you scan them. Where? Over there. So we did. The screen came up with the price. Now you have to put the sheets on the scales beside the screen. Why? So the computer can verify the weight of what you have bought, or i.e. if its heavier then you might have the wrong item it just scanned. Cool. So we weighed it and it didn't seem to do anything. Ok now select you payment method on the screen. So we selected credit. Then we swiped our credit card and the transaction went away and came back - call an assitant. Are you laughing? But wait there's more.. She came over to us and said - oh are you using a credit card? We said yes, and we selected credit on the self service screen. Oh well I need to do this transaction FOR YOU because I need to verify you signature. So i was waiting for the paper transaction, and she just looks at me like derrr... you have to sign on the screen. So she hands me this scribe - like a ballpoint with no balls, and points to this LCD display. I start to sign my name and its like the 1st time someone's used MSPAINT. That's not my signature I said. Ok you'll have to do it all again. So we scanned, swiped, selected, and I managed to scribble my signature though it was still pretty bad. That'll do she says, then she pressed a button and told me not to forget to take the receipt, and put it in a plastic bag with our sheets. Trust me it took longer to do the transaction than it has to write about it. Self service? Faster? Dumber... Dumb de dumb de dumb.
And on the way back to the car the very same woman (who'd forgotten me) with the brochure asked me again if I liked animals... I'd already thought of 50 one-liner replies, though with my partner having a free arm I just would have got slapped again. Love them I said as we walked past...
To be continued...
Yeah its a catch phrase that we all can flick about the place but that's not the point. I am lying awake wondering - more about the situation I find myself in. About dumb people. I am thinking its not awfully smart pointing out the stupidness of others. How dumb people really are. Even people reading this. Even after a cupful of my cruel cynicism and all the 'clever' people who have go this far, realising its a clever linguistic trap and have bailed for the next post. Maybe but maybe not.
Maybe you're just like me and can barely contain yourself at the stupid things you see people around you say and do everyday. It's not like you feel you know 'everything' or that you're a genius, but somehow you just know, and feel ... frustrated by dumb people all around you. Maybe you've got something to say about this post, eternally spiraling into itself ad infinitum into the world of dumbness. I feel numb with it. And bored with it.
Control. Is that it? Maybe I'd like people to make me feel as dumb as I think they are. Poignant paraphrasing, people who'd say I have attrocious grammar and spelling, though I must say typing this in a small room in the dark while my partner snores and the world of dumb sleeps is kind of invigorating. I could scream sometimes, and mainly because I can watch and see dumb people everyday doing dumb things. Like what you're probably thinking? God pick a subject or a situation - I could write a small book on it - or at least think one. I am not better than anyone else in anyway. I don't feel this superiority or teacher figure or anything. I just roar with laughter often and fumble for something else on a real life remote. Ok an example and I hate this but here goes.
We went to a shopping mall today. A mega complex. A super mega shopping mall. A small town within a city that looks like a hollywood set with every main brand store you can imagine in it. The car park is so big you almost need another car to get from the carpark to the mall. Mega. And in the mega mall is mega dumbness. The first person we meet is standing in the middle of the mall stopping people asking them if they like animals? Wow, I thought what a brilliant way to ask for money instead of singing out of tune with a hat in front of you. So do I like animals? I like eating them I replied. Well the lady didn't know what to do with her brochure. And then .. wait for it... dumbness amplified. This is a cynical dumb misguided comment to a person I don't know. Oh she said nothing but my partner slaps me for being insensitive to this woman's feelings. A joke? Oh yeah we had jokes back in the 80's but now dumbness and political correctness has taken over and you just can't make fun of a person trying to get your change to save a mammal. What's wrong with saving animals? Nothing ok, but what about saving humans first... oh we're doomed with more than 75% of the population choosing on a recent survey that they'd give food to a stray dog than a homeless person.
Maybe I'll be homeless one day... and that woman I just offended won't feed me... oh that'd be karma. Maybe she'll laugh at how stupid I look begging for food she'd rather give to a dog. If I act like a dog however I'll get removed from the MEGA store because I'm not on a leash, have no tags or registration, and the pound will come and get me and lock me up... and the lady who asked me if I liked animals got a conscience and went past the pound and saw my puppy dog eyes, and took me back to her place, to pat me and love me. Oh yeah I get it. I can do dumbness in circles forever. I could have said I loved animals. I've got a pet whale I'm sponsoring. I pay $5 a week and that ensures it gets to swim in the ocean and won't be caught by the Japanese. I am a member of greenpeace, and they send me photos of my sponsored whale so I can see how it's doing. I used to sponsor a great white shark, but after it ate 14 seals in a month I decided I put my money towards something that's really going to save the planet. Did you want a brochure? On whether I love animals or not, or to remind me to donate money to animals who can't earn money, drive cars, get jobs, goto megastores without a leash or registration. Yep we're only 15 metres inside megaville and it just gets better and better. Dumb people everywhere.
10 metres on and I could get used to the air conditioning in this place that must be using the water and power of a small town. There's a baby contest on in the next piece of space outside the supermarket. Lots of mothers with lots of babies. They've been there awhile... trust me. The combination of babies crying and mothers changing arms and hips to support their ever increasing weight. Everyone is smiling - its a contest. A photo contest. No not a security camera contest, the photographer is one hell of a worn out man trying to get the next shot. All flash and coochee coochee coochee. I want to say that none of these people are dumb per se, but the situation is. Like why? Not one of these mothers nor babies is enjoying this, but the will to win and be beautiful starts young and becomes more infantile. I just wanted a huge garbage bag full of cash to throw about the place. Free money! I'd yell. None of them would flinch I reckon. They'd all wait for their number to be called or some weird order indicated by the man with the camera.
So we go to buy a set of flanelette sheets. Yeah spelling. They have a section called Manchester though its more like Birmingham. I love how dumb department stores are laid out and how you can never find anything you want in them easily. Queen sized sheets. We found the sheets section and there's single, double and king sized. Ok no queens sized sheets - fuuny though eh? So we try and find someone to ask... ok its a MEGA store so we are about to walk out, walk 50 metres away from Manchester towards the book section and there they are. Queen sized sheets. Great. On the way out I to pay for the sheets it was great. The storeperson said that they have a new system now that you can scan and pay for your goods on your own. Cool I said. What do we have to do? Well first you need to give them to me. How come? Because I need to take the electronic tag off them. So we gave her the sheets and she gave them back. Now what? Well now you scan them. Where? Over there. So we did. The screen came up with the price. Now you have to put the sheets on the scales beside the screen. Why? So the computer can verify the weight of what you have bought, or i.e. if its heavier then you might have the wrong item it just scanned. Cool. So we weighed it and it didn't seem to do anything. Ok now select you payment method on the screen. So we selected credit. Then we swiped our credit card and the transaction went away and came back - call an assitant. Are you laughing? But wait there's more.. She came over to us and said - oh are you using a credit card? We said yes, and we selected credit on the self service screen. Oh well I need to do this transaction FOR YOU because I need to verify you signature. So i was waiting for the paper transaction, and she just looks at me like derrr... you have to sign on the screen. So she hands me this scribe - like a ballpoint with no balls, and points to this LCD display. I start to sign my name and its like the 1st time someone's used MSPAINT. That's not my signature I said. Ok you'll have to do it all again. So we scanned, swiped, selected, and I managed to scribble my signature though it was still pretty bad. That'll do she says, then she pressed a button and told me not to forget to take the receipt, and put it in a plastic bag with our sheets. Trust me it took longer to do the transaction than it has to write about it. Self service? Faster? Dumber... Dumb de dumb de dumb.
And on the way back to the car the very same woman (who'd forgotten me) with the brochure asked me again if I liked animals... I'd already thought of 50 one-liner replies, though with my partner having a free arm I just would have got slapped again. Love them I said as we walked past...
To be continued...
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