I feel closer to my mom now,in her death
August 6th 2007 04:09
I NEVER expected that to happem!!! I cried hard the first and second day, many times, but i also talked to her many times. I must sound like a nut. LOL Kids walking by my room or bathroom and i'm in there talking to myself. I tell her the silliest things too. <huge smile> Before, she was 11 hours away, and now i can feel she is here with me. She has never realy gotten to see just what fun of a mom i am, or the wonderful place i live and how we spend our days on this farm. She was too sick to come the 11 hour ride. Never seeing my Pennsilvania home. Never getting to see the trips we go on. I just took 5 teenage girls by myself all the way to N. Caralina. Spending all day at an almost secluded beach until the sun set. Sitting in my chair snapping picture after picture talking to my mom all along.
I always thought i had a good outlook on death but i was afraid with loosing my mom i'd find out that that was just an illusion. But it isn't. Wonder how i got this way?
I miss her terrible, and i still do say many times out loude that i can't believe she is dead. I still shed a tear here and there, i still can't believe i can never drive to Illinois to see her again. Just writing that, saying that in my head brings tears.
I drove starting at four yesterday from NC to baltimore to drop off two kids that went with us on the all girl trip., Left their house at about 11:30 after a short sit and talk over non profit stuff, picking up wonderful crosses my friend painted, hopped in my trailblazer and drove from 11:30 to 5:00 am, trading places here and there with Krystina, me sleeping while she drove and then vice versus. Got home to PA at 5:00 am, slept until 7:00 am and then headed out for a ten hour round trip drive to the Ohio/Indiana border to meet one of my brothers, to give back my neice who spent two weeks with us and went on the trip. I also retrieved stuff from my mom. A HUGE dreamcatcher she loves, some dried and fake rosses, and two picture frames full of pics of my, my mom in weller days, pics of her, myself, my brother and my step dad on a Sedona and vegas trip we took once together. Just the four of us for two or three weeks. Some pics of me and chris parasailing a few years back. I didn't even know she had those. <soft smile>
Got home tonight at eight and flopped on the couch doing NOTHING until getting on here a few minutes ago.
The trip was amazing!! I have wonderful pictures to share, stories to tell.
Thanks for all the support throughout my moms whole sickness. It means alot.
Tammy
I miss her terrible, and i still do say many times out loude that i can't believe she is dead. I still shed a tear here and there, i still can't believe i can never drive to Illinois to see her again. Just writing that, saying that in my head brings tears.
I drove starting at four yesterday from NC to baltimore to drop off two kids that went with us on the all girl trip., Left their house at about 11:30 after a short sit and talk over non profit stuff, picking up wonderful crosses my friend painted, hopped in my trailblazer and drove from 11:30 to 5:00 am, trading places here and there with Krystina, me sleeping while she drove and then vice versus. Got home to PA at 5:00 am, slept until 7:00 am and then headed out for a ten hour round trip drive to the Ohio/Indiana border to meet one of my brothers, to give back my neice who spent two weeks with us and went on the trip. I also retrieved stuff from my mom. A HUGE dreamcatcher she loves, some dried and fake rosses, and two picture frames full of pics of my, my mom in weller days, pics of her, myself, my brother and my step dad on a Sedona and vegas trip we took once together. Just the four of us for two or three weeks. Some pics of me and chris parasailing a few years back. I didn't even know she had those. <soft smile>
The trip was amazing!! I have wonderful pictures to share, stories to tell.
Thanks for all the support throughout my moms whole sickness. It means alot.
Tammy
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