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Queensland Health
MEDIA STATEMENT
Gold Coast – Tweed Health Service District
16th June 2010
Breakthrough Medical Technique Offered Free For NSW Supporters
Queensland Health Chief Stanley Charles today announced that medical researchers have unlocked the final piece of the Queensland Brain Research Study.
“This is a major breakthrough. After 17 years we have fully mapped the Queensland brain and believe this will allow further research into a complex and previously unknown area,’ Mr Charles stated.
Researchers have uncovered the part of the brain they believe makes people uniquely Queensland.
“There are subtle differences in the structure of Queensland brains compared to other humans. Knowing these differences allows surgeons and other health professionals to fully appreciate what and why people are Queenslanders”
“Even those people who are not born in Queensland can know look forward to a more Queensland type brain structure. With a simple medical procedure that can be performed by any GP we can turn a normal brain into a Queensland brain.”
To promote the breakthrough Queensland Health is offering New South Wales supporters the medical procedure free of charge.
“We understand the pain they are going through. Five in a row, haha. So we only think its fair to help them become Queensland fans. Any New South Wales fan is encouraged to undertake the procedure. It is quick and painless. We open the back of the skull and remove 75% of the existing brain. We then close the skull. Scientists have proved that removing 75% of the brain makes normal people much more Queenslander-like, and more likely to wear maroon coloured clothing”
The first procedure was conducted today at the Gold Coast Hospital and medical staff say the patient is recovering well.
“He is dribbling and has lost significant motor skills, but smiled when shown a picture of Wally Lewis. The procedure was successful”
HEALTH * CARE * PEOPLE
The internet has gone wild for a story about US consumers offended by a T-shirt that says “Eat Less”
US retailer Urban Outfitters have created a PR stunt that has got them world wide attention.
The shirt was pulled after customers complained it was ‘tasteless’.
Ironically, US customers have been trying to eat the shirt, resulting in the ‘tasteless’ comment.
The shirt’s slogan on the other hand was deemed ‘funny’ by respondents.
The US Department of Agriculture now intends on informing Americans that shirts are not to be eaten.
NATASHA GRIGGS MAY BE PROMISING MORE PRISONS, ANTI-PROPERTY LEGISLATION AND CLOSURE OF PUBLIC PARKS.
Natasha Griggs, the CLP candidate in the upcoming election for the Federal seat of Solomon, might be proposing more prisons, anti-development legislation and closure of public parks.
Natasha Griggs and the CLP have been running a television campaign in the Northern Territory claiming Natasha and the CLP will ‘make the territory the place it used to be”.
“Affordable housing’ is part of the claim mentioned. This is based on Natasha’s claim that she will make renting or buying property more affordable the NT.
Natasha is running a dangerous populist line. Knowing full well that unless the Federal government bans the sale or profit from property, there is no conceivable way she can promise lower rents or lower property prices.
Or is there? A return to a CLP government would mean a return to the ways the NT was run for more than 20 years.
Will Natasha propose and fight for legislation that bans profiteering from property. Has a socialist snuck into the CLP? I don’t think they would know if one did.
The CLP had a no development, no infrastructure spending policy, combined with an antagonistic attitude when dealing with the feds for more than 20 years.
The CLP missed out on the boom created by the Hawke Government during the 80s, then determinedly acquiesced to the Howard government’s two-card monty tricks during the 90s.
By the turn of the century the federal liberal party looked on the NTs support as given. Much like Rudd’s expectation of Damien Hale.
But the difference is simple.
The NT was treated as a backwater by the CLP and John Howard; Kevin Rudd looks at the NT as a place you spend money and get nice statistics. The money has results.
Every dollar spent on NT infrastructure shows a profit; too bad Howard and the CLP couldn’t see that.
So Natasha is obviously calling for a return to the CLP way of thinking.
The same thinking that kept the NT’s growth behind every other state or territory from 1977 to 2001.
A leech on the federal GST gravy train.
No infrastructure spending, no new development, no new jobs.
The Territory has been in a boom period for the last 8 years. Ask any real estate agent. Ask any employment agency. Ask any flight operator. Ask any property developer.
Where were the man-power companies, the real estate agents and flight operators 15 years ago? They couldn’t do business because you had to be an old boy of the CLP.
A small clique of white males ran the NT.
The CLP network stunted growth for 25 years; can we let them do it again?
Natasha thinks we can.
So we should do it. Kill development, kill investment.
Make the NT so unattractive to investors the property market will drop.
CLP logic.
Natasha will fight to maintain our lifestyle? What lifestyle. High rents and concentrated property ownership?
So Natasha’s proposal to make the NT housing more affordable is to shed jobs and stunt growth.
By choking development and therefore employment Natasha proposes to make people flee Darwin.
Less people will rent properties, making property owners lose money and drop rents. Property investors will see no returns in a stagnating market, so they will sell low.
Bargains will abound for the lucky few in a stagnant market.
Maybe that’s the time to buy 14 properties?
People want cheaper houses; the property market is out of reach of the average person. An apartment in Darwin costs 380k, a house 850k.
Natasha doesn’t have policy for this.
Making claims like the above shows the lack of intellect in the CLP brains trust.
CLP media people must be pulling their hair out at the lack of policy. Policy on the run?
No, policy on the sound bite.
The CLP trolley out the same mouth-piece time after time to express outrage and spout unachievable knee jerk reactions.
What about an outback re-education camp?
Recycle something or maybe recycle an old member?
Clamp down NOW on SOMETHING!
Fill in the blanks.
Actually, Natasha is a policy free zone. Her commercials spell that out clearly.
To make such a ridiculous suggestion like ‘making parks safe again for our children’ shows the utter contempt the old white males of the CLP have for the voting public.
It panders to basic fear of itinerants and, god forbid, long-grassers.
It follows on from the CLP proposal to create super-ghettos and super-prisons.
Don’t mention the ‘long-grasser’ word. Too difficult for the CLP.
Let’s return to 1984; lock em up, keep em poor and when you want the property you can rezone and have it. I mean 1984, not the novel. Even though many CLP policy statements sound rather Orwellian.
What did that recycled CLP stooge say? About the long-grassers? I can’t remember the words, but the racist echo was clear.
The CLP and Natasha promise fear and loathing.
I’m sure one of Natasha’s 14 properties is safe for children.
I’m absolutely convinced the parks and concourses of Darwin and Alice are safe as well.
‘Making our parks safe for children’ is such a base attempt at vote gathering the morals and ethics of the spin-doctors, PR lackeys and CLP brains-trust must be called into question.
Making parks safe again Natasha? What about some infrastructure?
Something; not just law and order scaremongering and base racism.
What is the problem with our parks, Natasha? Sounds like law and order have replaced real policy.
Fear and Loathing 101 was part of someone’s recent education.
Promising to make parks safe doesn’t answer important questions and makes no attempt to answer future questions
It just sounds racist.
The simple inference is that Natasha intends on selling and developing all public space to make sure there are no parks to feel unsafe in. If it’s not there you can’t sit on it.
Maybe we could build affordable housing on public parks? Ease the rent crisis caused by concentrated property ownership and remove the trouble that obviously plagues Top End parks.
Affordable Housing on Public Parks.
Sounds like the next CLP press release.
The last vestiges of the CLP still linger in Darwin; it will be another 20 years before Alice can attend their funerals.
But Natasha wants to breathe life into a dangerous and privileged few.
Some are lucky; some are white and rich, eh.
How lucky was Natasha when she bought the department of housing properties?
Lucky she had a good credit rating, too bad for the unemployed father with four kids that couldn’t get a loan because he’s been charged for having a BBQ in a park close to a million dollar property owned by some millionaire crony.
Part of the ‘Safe Parks’ legislation Tash will force through Federal Parliament.
So Natasha says she will bring down property prices? 14 properties so far; it would be great to rent from Natasha, or so Natasha says.
Maybe they are near a nice park.
Arrest more itinerants? 30 years of CLP neglect created a system where the itinerants have to come to Darwin for any kind of service? Kangaroo tails won’t cut it, eh John?
So she will enact legislation to prevent rent increases? How will that work?
Sounds like rubbish Natasha.
Don’t worry, you will still have you property empire.
Maybe when you charge and imprison anybody that doesn’t wear a suit and tie or own 14 properties we’ll have Natasha’s paradise.
All those silly camps and communities would be empty to build the properties that all the people will charge cheap rent for. Yeah.
Maybe we can get rid of those pesky plovers as well.
Do you know ten years ago, under the CLP, plover attacks were 2 per year? That has risen over 400%, to eight per year.
Plover attacks are the most serious challenge facing the rich and childless in the NT.
What is Natasha doing about this? Unnamed sources say Natasha will ‘clamp down on plover attacks’.
Plover attacks will return to the 1999 rate? How?
Will Natasha promise to nationalise all parks and open space in Darwin to ‘take away the plover landing zones’.
Natasha promises to aggressively sell-off any open public space to guarantee that no plover will land in the NT.
I love the logic.
I don’t think Paul Henderson does a great job. He needs policy that the public understands.
Beating the Inpex drum is getting old.
But what will the Labour Party’s legacy be?
Claire Martin’s legacy will be Delia Lawrie and the 99 year lease on ½ Mile Dam.
Ones a crock of shit and the other’s a genius legacy. You decide which is which.
The CLPs legacy for over 20 years of neglected Government will haunt us until climate change becomes a reality.
Voting for Natasha will only inflict the pain of a self-interested and privileged few for many generations to come.
Darwin Food Guide 2010
Tropical sunsets, perfect weather, lazy days…the only thing more you could want from Darwin in the Dry Season is a great feed.
[ Click here to read more ]
NT GOVERNMENT PLANS TO TAX ALIENS
Sources within the NT Government have revealed an audacious plan to tax visiting aliens
[ Click here to read more ]
Thailand’s bloody political protest has gone international, with Red Shirt protesters seen gathering in front of the NT Parliament House.
[ Click here to read more ]
The morning suns shines through my silk covered windows as the noise from the hustle and bustle of Chiang Mai reaches my ears. I turn over and check the time, 8.15am. A perfect time to awaken from a great nights slumber at the Tuk-Tuk Gardens Hotel.
On my arrival the previous day I was met by my hosts, Lek and Johan, a fascinating Dutch-Thai couple. Johan had travelled South-Easy Asia extensively in the 90s, before being arrested, then deported, from Thailand in 1999 for credit card related fraud.
[ Click here to read more ]
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