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Many people seem to think that marriage counseling is a last resort when your marriage is crippled beyond repair. However, the wise couple will seek marriage counseling as soon as they come to the realization that their marriage is facing a problem that neither of them have the experience to solve.

Because of their abiding love for each other, they are willing to do whatever it takes to shore up the area of their marriage that was affected by erosion.

Even though both spouses know that marriage counseling is an important step, actually feeling comfortable with the counseling is a whole different story.

It's often more difficult for men to seek outside help for their relationships. They hate not being able to figure something out on their own. Men, by nature, are trained to be independent and self-sufficient. They would rather learn from doing than from discussing. Therefore, it is more difficult for men to see a therapist.

So if the idea of having a male therapist makes a big difference to him, this would be good time to give in to his request.

For men who are uncomfortable with the thought of a one-on-one session, many therapists say group therapy is a good starting point. Sitting down in a group setting--with six to ten other individuals--can address feelings of isolation and improve their interpersonal skills.

Men in our culture typically have more fear of intimacy and are uncomfortable when it comes to revealing their emotions.

By helping people share their concerns and fears, groups can ease men past these barriers to problem solving. Therapy groups with a narrow focus can be especially appealing to men.

Remember, do whatever it takes to make it as easy as possible to seek counseling.

Your efforts will be well rewarded and you will realize that your journey through counseling not only helped resolve your initial concern, but your marriage relationship has broadened and grown to newer heights.

There are Hopes To Save Your Marriage:

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Life is not a bed of roses and, sometimes, neither is marriage. After the flowers and chocolates of the courtship days, the "I love you's" of the engagement and the "I do's and till death do us part' in marriage, the reality of a relationship begins. The light of the romance and passion have started to flicker and the illusions of living happily ever after fade away. I only heard about this illusion coming into real life in fairy tales and authors have already earned on that.

Reality is back and it is the start of a much more complicated and many see it as a boring married life. This is where small, slightly bigger and extreme conflicts began due to differences in personality of both people once in love. Not saying that they are not. After all, they have to be congratulated even more once they felt that the after effect of romance started to fade, this is where love can be seen and measured because love is more than just a feeling but rather it is a decision. It is easy to say you love someone once the feeling is high. But if the feeling is no longer there, you decide to love.

There is lot of help being offered right now by agencies on how to save marriages especially if conflicts are new and can easily be repaired. Marriage and Family Counseling for example is gaining popularity among married couples seeking help for resolutions in their problems such as:

- infidelity
- loss of family member
- communication problems
- balancing the demands of home and work
- childhood traumas
- family violence
- substance abuse
- step-parenting problems
- school problems
- conflicts in remarriage families

The most common misconception is that counseling is only for families that encounter difficulties but counseling can also be a way to enhance relationships within the families. You can go to counselor and ask him to give you some suggestion on how to learn effective communication skills, assertiveness, conflict resolution and time management.

You can find Marriage and Family Counseling services being offered in different settings like community mental health agencies, hospitals, managed care organizations, houses of worship, employee assistance programs and independent practice. They offer a wide array of services such as:

- crisis management
- prevention programs and parent education programs
- assessment and diagnosis
- individual couples and family counseling
- multi-couple or multi-family counselor

If you are inclined to get the services of a marriage and family counselor , be sure that you get the most value for your time and money. Every couple spends at least $95-$200 a session per week. This a whole lot of money combined if you intend to get an intensive marriage counseling that may last 3-6 months depending on how grave your situation is.

The best thing to do is know if your partner is willing to do this with you not because you force it out of him but because both of you want to make your marriage work. Never go to a counselor if one of you has already decided to call it quit.

Review the following steps below to guide you on your steps to planning your counseling right:

1. If you are on the lookout for a counselor, be sure to know where to find him. Ask for credible sources like your physician or married friends who are into counseling themselves. Get a referral.

2. Before meeting with your counselor, make a short phone call to his office and ask a few relevant questions for you. It is not always that you can talk to the counselor right ahead. But you also have to respect his policy. If his policies do not appeal to you, you can always scout for another.

3. If you are able to come up with a short list of names counselors from your referrals, take the consultation to a new level. It is time to pay each one a visit and ask them some relevant questions like background, experience and expertise. You will also be able to know if you feel comfortable with him and revealing personal information about your married life.

4. This initial consultation appointment will set the ground for the counselor and you and your husband as a couple. Ask your questions and try to feel the therapist's style, orientation and personality.

5. Be an observer during the first meeting. Be intuned with your opinions and gut feel. Remember, this is a person whom you are supposed to trust. Establish that trust or look elsewhere for another counselor.

6. Always remember to ask your potential counselor with the question, "have you ever been into extensive personal therapy" instead. You would not like someone who preach and preach but cannot apply them into actions.

7. Always go with your husband to the scheduled appointment with your counselor to have an even playing ground.

8. Focus on learning about yourself during the counseling so that you can apply some changes to your behavior that sometimes you are no longer aware of.

9. If there are assignments given to you by the counselor, be committed by taking time and effort to do it and apply them to your behavior. Work this thing out.

10. Always jot down notes in your notebook about questions, issues you would like to discuss with your counselor. This will help you to get organized and focused on issues you wanted to resolve with your partner.

Follow these ten suggestions and never go wrong in your counseling. Try to keep your marriage strong amidst the swarm of divorce cases. Find solutions to issues that are just beginning and you will see how your marriage works miracles.

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I read somewhere that one of the reasons marriages fail is because couples aren't spending enough time together. And I can really believe it. We live such busy lives. There are so many things that demand our attention during the waking hours of our days.. If we spend 8 hours sleeping, that means that we have 16 hours awake. For most people 10.5 of those 16 hours are spent at work and commuting to and from work. This gives us only about 4.5 of our waking hours to spend with our family, on our out of work activities, and sometimes on ourselves. If we have children, they take a great deal of our attention after work especially for most working mothers (and some working fathers). This gives us very little time each day to spend with our spouses. My colleague says that he knows me as much and better than my husband because he spends more time with me than my husband does. It's true that I spend more hours in the same physical location with him than my husband, but it's not true that he knows me more or really spends more time with me. My husband and I learnt a secret a long time ago when we first got married.

Spending time together starts with the mind and it involves communication.

Do you know that you can be with someone every single moment of the day, in the same physical location, but be apart in your mind? How many of us have taken trips to an exotic location in our minds while we were at work? By the look of some people's faces in church sometimes, you can tell that they're in another part of town holdng a conversation with somebody. Their bodies are physically present, but their minds and attention are miles away. When my husband and I just got married, we spent over a year apart because he was in the United Kingdom, and my travel papers hadn't come through for me to join him. We didn't have access to technology that we do today like email and SMS and the phone system in my country of birth was not anything to write home about.

Talking to him at that time over the phone was a major event which involved me going to the national communication building at the centre of the city. At the time, the place was usually full of people queuing up for their three-minute time slots at the very un-private booths where they were trying to quickly shout down their long distant messages before their three minutes were up. I couldn't really say the things I wanted to do. It was too stressful and unsatisfying so we stopped. But, because I wanted to keep communicating with him, I began to write. I wrote long letters and I wrote short letters. He wrote back to me as well. Because I was thinking about him and he was thinking about me, even though we had limited communication resources, we spent time together through the words we wrote to each other. We were exchanging our thoughts and feelings through our words.

I heard about a couple who had serious problems with this issue of spending time together. The man was a travelling sales man and his wife stayed at home during the time he was away. He would come back on Friday night and leave again on Sunday evening. During his time on the road, they hardly communicated with each other. When he got home, he would spend most of Saturday pottering in his toolshed and then spend the evening with his friends. The weekend was his time to relax and unwind and he didn't want to spend it talking about "heavy" issues or making conversation with his wife. They were a disconnected couple. They had grown apart and were living separate lives. His wife was desparately unhappy about the situation and tried to talk to him about it, but he became defensive because he felt that she was trying to put pressure on him during the only time he could rest throughout the week.

The problem with this couple was not the time spent away from each other, the problem was that the separation started in their minds. If they had both formed a practice of sending each other emails or calling everyday to share the way their days had gone or their thoughts and feelings, despite the distance between their physical locations, they would not have grown apart. I can remember my mum remarking to me during the time I was running a home-based business that I talked more with my husband when he was at work than when he was at home. We had made it a practice to talk for at least 30 minutes together everyday. Not all at once, but at various times of the day. We don't do so that much now because of our current work place restrictions, but we do exchange emails throughout the day. Even if we don't have anything to share at the time, we just say "How are you?" or "I love you", etc. This means that we don't have to make an effort to re-connect with each other at the end of our working day. If husbands took this tip, they would be surprised at the response they get from their wives at night.

There is a couple that I respect greatly. Their lives and words and have been a source of tremendous inspiration to my family and I. Their example lets me know that a marriage can still flourish and grow even when distance separates people. They speak to each other everyday and end their conversations with "I love you." They are in constant communication with each other because there's no separation in their minds. I observe that they're closer to each other than some others who see each other everyday. Many of us know the story of the Duke of Orleans who was the one of the earliest creators of valentine cards. He had been taken as a prisoner in 1415 during the battle of Agincourt. Despite his many years of imprisonment in the Tower of London, he wrote and sent many rhyming love letters to his wife in France. The distance couldn't keep their hearts apart. I think it would have been difficult for them to lose their love because they were spending time together by the only means of communication they had.

If the life you live is a very busy one, you need to find out how you can spend time with your spouse. Your relationship really depends on it. Even if most of your waking hours during the day are taken doing other things, or you have to put up with a long-distant relationship, you need to spend time with each other. Here are some ideas to help you out...

- Give yourself at least one evening a week with the TV off to just talk about big things and small things.
- Engage in late night or early morning pillow talk.
- Plan for an occasional night or weekend break. You don't need to travel, you can book into a local hotel.. Some people call it overnight honeymoon.
- Communicate by email or SMS during the day.

Doing these things help you keep your minds on each other. It helps you enjoy your spouse's presence in your life.. It affirms their significance in your life and keeps your relationship vibrant and alive. But remember it starts with the mind.



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Save Your Marriage Before It's Too Late

September 7th 2009 20:23
“How to save my marriage” is a phrase that many people have in the back of their minds, maybe even in their subconscious, long before their marriage troubles begin to show on the surface. If you've ever had marriage problems or are going through them right now, this article is for you.

How to save my marriage 1


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5 Secrets To Stop Your Divorce

September 7th 2009 20:20
It is not easy to have a difficult marriage. And it becomes more difficult that you do not want to show the world that your marriage is not a healthy one. You try to avoid sharing this situation to your friends and family. All you want is people see your marriage as a great one. No fight, no conflict, everything is fine.

You, and hopefully your partner, still want this marriage to last. You just don’t know how to deal with it. Handling all the conflicts between the two of you is not something you master. You need somebody to help you both. To solve this catastrophe in your family


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