Hot or Cold? Make Up Your Mind, Science!
Today, Stormtroopers of Christ, I would like to discuss an issue that has been bothering me for some time now: the spurious theory of "global warming". For years "scientists" have been telling us that the global temperature is rising in direct response to human activity. Their proof? Some melting ice at the North Pole. Big deal, scientists! Sometimes my freezer kicks into defrost mode and things get a bit melty. I don't run around in my lab coat pulling out my hair. Here's a good question: if it's getting so much hotter, how does science explain dueling news stories like these?
CNN WARM
CNN COLD
More important than the questions of "if" it's happening or "how" it's happening is the question of "who cares"? My comrades in Christ, need I remind you of Genesis 1:26? 'Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." ' That should be the end of the discussion. Per God, WE are in charge here. The earth and its inhabitants are ours to use as we see fit. And if using it as we see fit involves cranking mass amounts of contaminants into the air and polluting the waters, then so be it. The Earth is purely temporary, just a waiting room for Heaven. When the Rapture occurs (and we all know that it's right around the corner) the only people left here will be sin-filled heathen scum. So who cares if the earth is in lousy condition for them? In fact, follow my example and make it WORSE for them! I try and spray at least one full can of aerosol in the air each day. I sometimes let my car idle in the driveway for hours, thereby wasting fuel AND harming the atmosphere (allegedly). I pour motor oil into streams and rivers, and dump bags of 6-pack holders into the ocean, ensnaring hundreds of birds and fish. I do all of this in the name of Jesus Christ, so that I may aid Him in smiting all who oppose His Word.
The reason these demon spawn scientists are so scared of "pollution" and "global warming" is because they don't want the earth in bad shape when Jesus takes the rest of the faithful to Heaven. They may claim that their concern is for the environment or for trying to ensure resources are available for future generations (again: what future generations? The Rapture is IMMINENT!), but it's really because they have the fear of God on their hearts.
So, the next time you're talking to a scientist (which you shouldn't ever do. Never, ever, ever, ever, talk to anyone who disagrees with the Truth of Christ! You don't want to risk any of their sinfulness flaking off onto you) and they're droning on about global warming and how we need to make changes to avoid it, say "I'm not interested in making things easier for you during Satan's 1000-year reign, you know-it-all demon-influenced scummy scientist, with your junk science! The only thing science has ever done is cause problems!" Then, reach for your brand-new high-tech MP3 player and pop on 'Onward Christian Soldiers'. Turn on your heel and walk with dignity into your nicely furnished, heated, modern home, complete with running water, TV and internet. Grab some of your nutritious, plentiful food, sit down, and pop in a good Christian DVD. Global warming? Whatever, science. I'll listen when you do something right for me. Can I get an Amen?
(As an aside to my readers who share my fondness for Star Wars, here's something this post reminded me of: in The Empire Strikes Back, what the heck do the tontons that they ride on planet Hoth eat? I mean, there's NOTHING but snow anywhere! The Wampa's eat the tontons, of course, but what do the tontons eat? Good thing it's not like that here, I would hate to have conditions that adversely affected the planet and made life nearly impossible!)
CNN WARM
CNN COLD
More important than the questions of "if" it's happening or "how" it's happening is the question of "who cares"? My comrades in Christ, need I remind you of Genesis 1:26? 'Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." ' That should be the end of the discussion. Per God, WE are in charge here. The earth and its inhabitants are ours to use as we see fit. And if using it as we see fit involves cranking mass amounts of contaminants into the air and polluting the waters, then so be it. The Earth is purely temporary, just a waiting room for Heaven. When the Rapture occurs (and we all know that it's right around the corner) the only people left here will be sin-filled heathen scum. So who cares if the earth is in lousy condition for them? In fact, follow my example and make it WORSE for them! I try and spray at least one full can of aerosol in the air each day. I sometimes let my car idle in the driveway for hours, thereby wasting fuel AND harming the atmosphere (allegedly). I pour motor oil into streams and rivers, and dump bags of 6-pack holders into the ocean, ensnaring hundreds of birds and fish. I do all of this in the name of Jesus Christ, so that I may aid Him in smiting all who oppose His Word.
The reason these demon spawn scientists are so scared of "pollution" and "global warming" is because they don't want the earth in bad shape when Jesus takes the rest of the faithful to Heaven. They may claim that their concern is for the environment or for trying to ensure resources are available for future generations (again: what future generations? The Rapture is IMMINENT!), but it's really because they have the fear of God on their hearts.
So, the next time you're talking to a scientist (which you shouldn't ever do. Never, ever, ever, ever, talk to anyone who disagrees with the Truth of Christ! You don't want to risk any of their sinfulness flaking off onto you) and they're droning on about global warming and how we need to make changes to avoid it, say "I'm not interested in making things easier for you during Satan's 1000-year reign, you know-it-all demon-influenced scummy scientist, with your junk science! The only thing science has ever done is cause problems!" Then, reach for your brand-new high-tech MP3 player and pop on 'Onward Christian Soldiers'. Turn on your heel and walk with dignity into your nicely furnished, heated, modern home, complete with running water, TV and internet. Grab some of your nutritious, plentiful food, sit down, and pop in a good Christian DVD. Global warming? Whatever, science. I'll listen when you do something right for me. Can I get an Amen?
(As an aside to my readers who share my fondness for Star Wars, here's something this post reminded me of: in The Empire Strikes Back, what the heck do the tontons that they ride on planet Hoth eat? I mean, there's NOTHING but snow anywhere! The Wampa's eat the tontons, of course, but what do the tontons eat? Good thing it's not like that here, I would hate to have conditions that adversely affected the planet and made life nearly impossible!)
Passionate Apathy
God's Stormtrooper