suitably*woundedBoring introduction....
November 1st 2006 06:46
The purpose of this blog (I think) is to explain what I go through on a daily basis being mentally challenged. If anyone chooses to follow along, please be forewarned that:
Told ya I talk a lot.
So, to move right along, here's a brief summary of my situation:
Had a nervous breakdown 10 years ago. Before then, I'd been a typical Type A personality. I worked a 40 hour a week job and two part-times. Some volunteer work. Also, I went to college 2 nights a week and then played softball every spare moment in between and all weekend, starting at the end of February and lasting up until the week before Christmas. Married, a step-mom dealing with an ex-wife from hell, handled the around-the-house chores, bills and any social activities. Add to all that problems with my own mother (did Freud cover that?), sexual issues with my husband and tons of fighting amongst friends. Yup, I was a bit busy.
Anyway, in quick succession, I thought my problems were physical and when we hit on there possibly being a mental component, I eventually dropped down to just one part-time job with school taking over the full-time slot. Everything else remained the same. Then it ALL collapsed. I began, for the first time in my life, dealing with depression. Insomnia creeped back in. And rapidly thereafter came anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD and finally, suicidalness. There's been plenty more to add to that in the interim, but I'm sure you get the gist and since I'll be prattling on about it in more detail throughout my blog, I doubt it's necessary to enumerate the entire laundry list here.
To round out all of the above, I've tried to kill myself twice and have been hospitalized three times. There is no longer a career, a marriage, any salvageable fiances and no hopes of children of my own. I've gained and lost an unhealthy and inordinate amount of weight. I've had at least one additional, severe, psychotic break and, as of this writing, absolutely zilch faith that I'll ever function again in normal society. However, I'm sure that feeling, just like all the others, will pass. We'll see. With all that, erm, I do believe that pretty much summarizes it up to date. Hopefully I'll be able to tend this occasionally and, for the interested (me and my pup, Zen), do a decent service to my fellow weary travellers.
Thanks for reading or playing along, as the case may be. I am indeed too talkative, but perhaps I'll improve, if someone applies for editor. Here's to tomorrow and hoping I can pull off entry dos.
Hug yourselves tonight, for we all deserve it. Especially, in my humbled opinion, those inside the fire.
In peaces,
~Kemi
1.) I usually am too verbose for even Stephen King's liking. See following.
2.) I'm typically a little more erudite than I'll be attempting here, simply for the sake of getting the damn stuff down before I equivocate. And you know, end up either not doing it at all, ditching my entire blog (something I've done many times in the past) or, torturing everyone, including myself, with multiple revisions to the point of incoherency.
3.) I am simply speaking to what I go through and no one else. I do hope that something I share might be of help, at least by way of support, but I don't intend to speak for the general populace, belittle their experiences or look down upon others as some kind of authority. Hardly. I own wish to say, if nothing else, "You're not alone." and if at all possible, add one more voice to destigmatize what usually is made fun of, frightens people to death or castigates the sufferer for not being stronger/taking care of their own business. Or possibly faking, being lazy or some other 'definition' or combination thereof.
Told ya I talk a lot.
So, to move right along, here's a brief summary of my situation:
Had a nervous breakdown 10 years ago. Before then, I'd been a typical Type A personality. I worked a 40 hour a week job and two part-times. Some volunteer work. Also, I went to college 2 nights a week and then played softball every spare moment in between and all weekend, starting at the end of February and lasting up until the week before Christmas. Married, a step-mom dealing with an ex-wife from hell, handled the around-the-house chores, bills and any social activities. Add to all that problems with my own mother (did Freud cover that?), sexual issues with my husband and tons of fighting amongst friends. Yup, I was a bit busy.
Anyway, in quick succession, I thought my problems were physical and when we hit on there possibly being a mental component, I eventually dropped down to just one part-time job with school taking over the full-time slot. Everything else remained the same. Then it ALL collapsed. I began, for the first time in my life, dealing with depression. Insomnia creeped back in. And rapidly thereafter came anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD and finally, suicidalness. There's been plenty more to add to that in the interim, but I'm sure you get the gist and since I'll be prattling on about it in more detail throughout my blog, I doubt it's necessary to enumerate the entire laundry list here.
To round out all of the above, I've tried to kill myself twice and have been hospitalized three times. There is no longer a career, a marriage, any salvageable fiances and no hopes of children of my own. I've gained and lost an unhealthy and inordinate amount of weight. I've had at least one additional, severe, psychotic break and, as of this writing, absolutely zilch faith that I'll ever function again in normal society. However, I'm sure that feeling, just like all the others, will pass. We'll see. With all that, erm, I do believe that pretty much summarizes it up to date. Hopefully I'll be able to tend this occasionally and, for the interested (me and my pup, Zen), do a decent service to my fellow weary travellers.
Thanks for reading or playing along, as the case may be. I am indeed too talkative, but perhaps I'll improve, if someone applies for editor. Here's to tomorrow and hoping I can pull off entry dos.
Hug yourselves tonight, for we all deserve it. Especially, in my humbled opinion, those inside the fire.
In peaces,
~Kemi
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Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
You've had it tough girl!
But I see a light ahead, even if it's through purging your concerns and worries via a blog and expelling some skeletons from your closet ...
Power to the individual.
Look out for Number One.
Peace and love,
shadow warrior from the Antipodes
Comment by suitably*wounded
Eternal Days; Author: Illness, M.
I really do appreciate the wonderful words and I'm honestly aiming to help, even if it's only one online (how's that for alliteration?).
Until we meet again on the lovely darkside....
~Kemi
Comment by the hermit
Now if I could only apply that to my life...
Comment by suitably*wounded
Eternal Days; Author: Illness, M.
Thank you so very much for your kind comments. Seeing as how you're the first person (I don't know, that is) to have even been interested enough to write to me, I appreciate it all immeasurably.
And although you call me strong, I feel as if I'm anything but. However, the faith that others have in me is exactly the most precious thing that keeps me holding on.
As far as your own life, I'm completely confidant that you'll find what you need. Such good people deserve peace and happiness. But for those times that suck beyond belief, as much as one internet person can offer to another, I'd love to offer my listening services. Despite everything else, I hear they're okay.
Take care of you.
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by suitably*wounded
Eternal Days; Author: Illness, M.
Thank you. But I bow before ( ::: grin ::: ) the brillance that is yours. Is it in reference to Gothic? If not, it damn well should be. =)
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
When I think of the film Gothic I think of the eyes in the plam of the hands .... ergh, creeeeeepy ....
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile