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Whilst the world masks up to aviod catching swine flu, I do nothing. No, that's not true. I take my health very seriously thank you! I'm drinking three times the amount of alcohol than usual to kill any virus, pathogen or antigen which so much as even tries to get all up in this. For those of you who aren't a big tough alcoholic man like me, you'll be needing the UV sanitiser.
UV light proven to kill bacterial and viral DNA after a 10 second scan
Lightweight & convenient cell phone sized for maximum portability
Operates on 2 AAA batteries
Tested by independent laboratories worldwide
10 second timer switch for safe UV usage
Ladies, listen up. I give this 10 out of 10 heaps goods, get one. And I'll give you the best night of your life: McDonalds, bowling (lawn preferably) then you'll drive me home, must be before 11, my mum gets worried... Ladies? Hey.... ladies?
GET UV SANITISER
Do you too like to stand in the door way and watch your room mate sleep for hours on end? I know I don't, Ha! That'd be creepy right?
Shaun, I swear to god, I was just passing by the door that time, I'm super serial...
Anyway, some sort of morbid creative genius has created the blood pooled pilliow but they instead have decided to call it "THE GREAT SLUMBER a.k.a. Blood Puddle Pillow" against my best judgement. What would I know though, i'm not a design student/artist/gypsie whatever. No, that's right, I'm not. I'm just plain awesome instead.
[The Great Slumber
The pillows are inspired by those suspenseful moments when a sleeping loved one is a little too still for a little too long. Using an irreverent combination of comfort & fear the pillows parallel sleep & death. Project goal: taking ownership of morbidly intrusive thoughts through humor & play.
averaging size: 16" x 16"
materials: Silk Velvet & Batting.
I give it 6 out of 10 Heaps Goods. It would get a higher rating but it's a conceptual design piece and not for sale, which is a nice arty farty way of saying, "you'll never get your common mits on one". So take that, super bitches. I'm off to staple important documents to my work colleagues desks while they're at lunch.
P.S. Huge shout out to Caroline for sending this one in. Caroline, you can take a big bite out of my mettwurst and place it in a book anyday...
LINK
Remember when the humble personal computer was the size of your house and didn't have a colour screen, let alone the interent? No? Well, either do I. A lot has changed since then apparently. Fast forwarding several (hundred, maybe?) years to today and now we have USB storage devices the size of a single finger digit, or if you ask my now ex-girlfriend, the same size as my penis. Bitch.
4mm thick, it's positively small. The polished chrome finish is certainly shiny, but at 8 gigabytes, it's redonkulously teeny!
Store four full length ripped movies, five days worth of music, more than four-thousand 5 megapixel photos, or eighty-meters worth of shelved books. Sure, it's so small you could easily lose it, so we've included a chain to help keep it around
I give this 8 out of 10 Heaps Goods. I'm really impressed with the advances in technology. I'd be worried i'd lose it being so small. Although I've not lost anything that small yet, lets just say hypothetically. Well thanks a ton for sending that to me Tracy, you fat mole. At least I don't have one tit bigger than the other...
P.S. Honey, your shits on the front lawn, you better hurry. It seems that it may or may not be on fire.
You wouldn't really give much credit to creatures that eat where they crap but apparently gold fish are highly trainable. Whilst passivley swmming around in their own microfarticles, you can easily teach gold fish to swim through hoops, play soccer or even shoot freakin' laser beams! Okay, so I made the last bit up but they should totally include freakin' lasers in the kit though
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I know I speak for everybody when I say the best drinks are the easiest and tallest drinks... Yeah, that doesn't even any make sense, i'm drunk. Anyway, Straight from somewhere far away and specifically undisclosed comes a new type of coffee and tea, as not to discriminate by having one or the other, i'm bringing both tea and coffee, straight up, take that, i'm beverage neutral
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Something straight out of the gospel of stupid for you. A man was found unconcious on the floor of a home he had broken into in Malaysia. He was eventually found by the home owners 3 days later when they returned from a holiday. The Burglar alleges a spirt had held him there for that time without food or water, he was suffering severe dehydration
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If I've learnt anything from life it's that you should never shave off your pubes with a razor blade. I had to learn that the hard way for 3 uncomfortable weeks. However, for those of you who are proud of your hair but feel the need to match your carpet with your drapes so to speak. Betty Beauty has got the solution for you, pubic safe hair dye. I doubt Betty Beauty is her real name. I bet she's really called maureen and she's 50 something, hauled up in a New York city appartment with 62.5 cats, chain smoking whilst mixing these beautiful colours to send to you. Oh Betty Beautiful, you're so dreamy
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I love animals, that's why I eat them. All seriousness aside though, Lifestyle Pets has what they describe as the most beautiful cats in the world. For 20 grand, you too could have one. Nothing better than having a semi-wild family pet that may one day unprovoked eat your face off, whilst you sleep. Enjoy kiddies
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With Christmas right around the corner that means one thing. Well, two things. I'm going to get seriously drunk, alone. Also, I'm going get these freakin' gloves from Santa, baby! (seriously, this is your last chance you jolly bastard, I'll piss in your milk the next year
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Gus the title holder of worlds ugliest dog has passed away from cancer. The former rescue dog turned celeb, demon figure had been battling cancer for a long period of time. Treatment for cancer paid for with prize money from the contest only legnthend his life shortly. I'm sure you'll be sadly missed Augustus
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