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September 20th 2008 03:08
Every night before we go to bed, my son and I would have a little chat, pray and say our Thank You's for the day and kiss each other goodnight.
It's a routine we've established since our Dada well... left. It's a very calming and assuring routine for both of us as our prayers both have something for Dada.
He'd also say cute Thank You's at the end of his prayers like:
"Thank you for eating, for playing, for sleeping, for going to school... thank you for loving mommy" -- aawww...  It's cute and sometimes amazing how he thinks of things he wants to be thankful for.
During our chats, I'd ask him how school went, what he did in his two and a half stay in his cute little blue classroom with all 10 of his classmates.
Oftentimes I hear the same things over and over like, we played, we washed our hands, we ate, we sang, etc etc.
Every now and then I'd hear a new activity like when they started their Animal Alphabet with A for Alligator, they had an Alligator path they followed all over the room, over and under and all around.
Then we also talk about what he did for the rest of the day. Often times he asks me... "Mommy, do big boys brush their teeth?" or "Mommy, do big boys get dressed all by themselves?"
Once I say, yes they do he'd have a big grin on his face and tell me "I'm a Big Boy now mommy!" Kids love learning that they're big boys and girls already. They are in such a rush to be a "big boy or girl". While we, adults, are dying to become kids again.
The other day while I was giving him his bath, he said.
"Mommy, don't cry when Ziggy goes to school and Dada goes to the office. You're a big girl."
He's seen me cry by myself one too many times when he's Dada's not home, especially when he left the house 2 weeks ago. He knows and somehow understands why I'm sad but he believes it's nothing. It's only because they leave mommy alone at home sometimes. He often makes me realize how tougher kids are because of innocence.
How I wish I had his innocence and strength to face this trial. He is indeed a big boy now. He's a bigger boy than I thought he was.
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September 20th 2008 02:30
As I've endlessly blogged about in here and practically all of my other blogs, I'm in a roller coaster ride, dealing with issues with my husband and our marriage.
We've faught, we've made up, we've talked in whispers, in rage and in caring tones all within the past 4 months and yet we're still here. Unsure of where this marriage is going and what we're going to do.
Often times we start out fine. We start talking to figure out what we should be doing with our situation. Civil towards each other. I'm not mad at him, he's not mad at me. Then within the conversation we start not making sense or one gets annoyed by the tiniest bit of things and before we know it we're raising our voices or saying insults to each other.
For months I thought I could control myself. I can be mature enough to NOT take whatever he's saying too personally because professional counsellors have explained that he's a little lost and confused within his emotions and his head that sometimes he says things out of resentment and he can't distinguish if he meant it. It's a result of
Sure, most of the times I am able to stop myself and just take it in, even if it hurts. Sometimes I'm way in over my head thinking I can ALWAYS do this. Thinking I can always be patient and take these words and not take them personally. Then again, I'm only human. I have my own feelings that start to boil when I'm not in the right mind.
When I'm In Over my Head... I start to falter. I start to get paranoid. I start to break. I start to crumble. I lose sense of what's right and wrong. What's hurtful and what's not. Then we start going through a literal roller coaster of spats and sorry's and raised voices and silence.
When I'm In Over My head -- I become the monster wife.  I become a nagger I can't seem to accept that I can't control what's going on and I have to let it go and take a course of its own.
I'm a mother and the eldest of four daughters. I have always had the tendency to "lead" and "take over". I can't take it when things don't go my way. I can't always accept that things aren't exactly how I planned them to be.
Sometimes we just have to accept that they don't go EXACTLY how we planned it, but we can still get to the same results... I know... but I'm having a difficult time accepting that.
September 15th 2008 05:06
I've been reading this book - Conversations with God (book 2). I found it at the office's library. The owner/boss has a huge collection of management and leadership books but has this one tiny section of inspirational and "others" books where I saw the book by Neale Donald Walsch
It's basically about the author who claims he had "conversations" with God when one day he wrote to a piece of paper out of anger to God and a voice or thoughts started pouring in, as if an answer to his question.
I hardly care if the premise is true, the contents are very thought provoking though. I actually believe too that you CAN have conversations with God. In fact, you do -- everyday of your life, you do.
When you believe you're talking to yourself and some "random" thoughts or solutions or ideas come to your head, you were talking to God. Some people call it prayer.
My marital situation/dilemma/turmoil has made me more attuned to my own "conversations" with the Almighty Being. Mind you, I may be Roman Catholic by religion and baptism, but I don't necessarily conform to it. I still believe there is one being who created us all and everything we see, know and think. Even those we don't know, see or think.
It is through these conversations that I find renewed strength and reason to keep holding on to my marriage. To trust and have faith that this is one of those big humps in the road that my husband and I will go through. Hopefully it's the biggest we'll go through, although we're still young in this world and in this marriage. I firmly believe that through faith, courage and most of all LOVE we will make it through.
I keep having these conversations. No i'm not yet crazy.
Try it, it'll help you feel refreshed and lighter. He does take all of your burdens away if you let him.
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September 15th 2008 03:38
My husband's left our house more than a week ago. Because of this ordeal we're going through he couldn't stay in the house anymore. He couldn't take being in the same place with me.
It's too lengthy and complicated if I had to explain... but we're not separated yet... and I'm praying to God we won't get to that point
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September 15th 2008 03:10
About 2 weeks ago, friends and I met up for a Saturday night Seafood Dinner and well, an anything goes night (errr.. only the good, clean kinda anything goes).
After dinner and waiting for another friend to meet us -- who said he'll meet us in an hour at the seafood place -- we decided to go south and watch a movie. Any movie we can still catch at that late hour
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September 10th 2008 08:10
Everytime I feel like indulging myself to comfort me or sometimes even console me, I look for seafood. It's absolutely superb and it's way healthier than anything else I'd feel like eating. Which means I can eat more!
Now when I talk about seafood, nothing beats FRESH seafood -- i guess, nothing except Louisiana Seafood
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I mean it literally.
My little one was hanging out with one of my sisters who was chatting with our house helper, who was ironing clothes (lol -- that's a long string
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We finally got to watch Wall-E! A few days after I blogged about Wall-E not being shown the same time as it was released ini the US, it was actually released here! 
Watched it with the little one of course, and he enjoyed it a lot
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After months of dealing with some marital issues, talking to people, friends, even complete strangers, I have realized one thing. Women are Strength.
My husband and I are facing problems that could seem both simple and complicated - depending on how you look at it
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Manila Traffic is Terrible!
I know it's already a fact, but it's never become this stressful to me before because I never traversed EDSA (the main road traversing Metro Manila) regularly especially not on rush hours
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Comment by Hazel Castillo
on Image of the Day - 9-22-08 - Possibly the most amazing picture I have ever seen.
Working Title
Cirrus Cloud
Movie Dime
Parent Adventures
Yeah it's both amazing and freaky! Very Twilight Zone-ish