Bloomin' heck and chuffin' hell
I guess tha knows me far too well!
It's true that i'm a miserable git
I have to say it's right
I'm never very cheerful
Distinctly none too bright
My life is very difficult
I do not do too well
No matter whether day or night
I scarcely feel swell
I feel very low and down
So deeply sad and blue
And if you were like me, i think
You'd feel that way too
Please leave me in my misery
It's something I enjoy
I've revelled in this state of mind
Since I was just a boy
When I am very old and grey
More so than I am now
Perhaps I'll grow more cheerful
Though I think not, somehow
I'll always be in misery
It's my right state of mind
So leave me in this state I love
And I'll leave you in kind!
Yes it's true, my name is Harry
No, it isn't Lee or Larry
Neither Scott, nor Les or Len
No not even Bill or Ben
I will tell you just this once
Get it deep within your bonce
Because i wont tell you no more
It is me, that's Harry's law!
Yes, my name is Harry Mains
One of those distinguished brains
Quite a clever chap, i'm told
Very brave and highly bold
None too modest, it is true
Taking size eleven shoe
(Well no maybe it is ten
But it wouldn't rhyme well then)
So now you have got my name
Harry Mains, or so i claim
I am such a likely lad
Prone to getting slightly sad
First name's Harry, last name's Mains
Of the most distinguished stains
Do not mix me up with others
Who may claim to be my brothers
Harry Mains, yes that is me
As i hope, by now, you see
It is Harry, Harry Mains
Flying high across the plains
Soaring miles over hills
Through the most breathtaking skills
Yes, my name is - don't forget it
Harry Mains - now don't reset it!