Hard Knock Life
August 11th 2007 03:25
Having a bit of a hard time the last few days, not particularly sure why. My head is constantly killing me. My knees throb/ache with red-hot pain after only being on them for a few hours.
I utterly despise my job right now and am seriously considering finding something else. I am a very loyal person when it comes to jobs. I do not choose companies lightly. I worked at a grocery store before the job I have now. I started at $7.35/hr and ended up at $10.55/hr after 2.5 years. They cut everyone to part time, forcing most of the higher-paid associates to find other work. I started the current job at $8.50/hr (then a $0.50 raise after 90 days), I have been there almost 3 years and make $9.66. I am pretty sure I'll get the standard $0.33 raise next month, putting me at about $10/hr. 3 YEARS later...and I'm still not at what I made before.
My boyfriend and I were starting to think about trying to have a baby, and now girly parts are having issues (TMI sorry). I need to make an appointment, but haven't gone in oh...2 years or so. I would also have to go off other medication which is a bit scary. I'd like to lose weight first, but uh...that never works out too well (go too far or quit). I don't know if the recent turn in mood has to do with this or what, but it's making me sad.
I am still waiting for the case file to be mailed. This may have something to do with my stress/anxiety/depression level also. I keep thinking that after this it'll be over. But it won't. It won't be over until I get 'closure' which I'll never get. If I could have gotten that out of him, I don't think I would have ever reported it. I will always wonder why? Why me? Was I the only one (was I special, or one of many)? Did I save someone else from this? Does he hate me?
I need to clear my head. I will not turn to old (un)coping skills to do so. I can't believe I'm even THINKING about that - after so many years. How did this happen?
I utterly despise my job right now and am seriously considering finding something else. I am a very loyal person when it comes to jobs. I do not choose companies lightly. I worked at a grocery store before the job I have now. I started at $7.35/hr and ended up at $10.55/hr after 2.5 years. They cut everyone to part time, forcing most of the higher-paid associates to find other work. I started the current job at $8.50/hr (then a $0.50 raise after 90 days), I have been there almost 3 years and make $9.66. I am pretty sure I'll get the standard $0.33 raise next month, putting me at about $10/hr. 3 YEARS later...and I'm still not at what I made before.
My boyfriend and I were starting to think about trying to have a baby, and now girly parts are having issues (TMI sorry). I need to make an appointment, but haven't gone in oh...2 years or so. I would also have to go off other medication which is a bit scary. I'd like to lose weight first, but uh...that never works out too well (go too far or quit). I don't know if the recent turn in mood has to do with this or what, but it's making me sad.
I am still waiting for the case file to be mailed. This may have something to do with my stress/anxiety/depression level also. I keep thinking that after this it'll be over. But it won't. It won't be over until I get 'closure' which I'll never get. If I could have gotten that out of him, I don't think I would have ever reported it. I will always wonder why? Why me? Was I the only one (was I special, or one of many)? Did I save someone else from this? Does he hate me?
I need to clear my head. I will not turn to old (un)coping skills to do so. I can't believe I'm even THINKING about that - after so many years. How did this happen?
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