Growing Pains?
January 17th 2007 02:10
No reason for this..
Just because..
Fuck!
Familiar Pain.. Feels good.. But its bad for me.
I cant hide it anymore, it's blatantly obvious, my condition.
Every night I get this powerful urge. Its a rush of adrenaline running thrugh me, encouraging me. My heart feels like its going to skip a beat, I start to get clammy, Im spinning. i cant breathe here it goes..
Its all over in less than a minute, Im diggin my nails into the tiles beneath me, my heads throbbing, but a releiving feel is sweeping over me, chills tickle my spine. Through the chills I feel warmth, my heart slows, I can breath again.
Im feeling messy and lost, they are the only words my brain can register to describe how I currently feel, as silly as they may sound. Im torn in two right now, symetrical amounts.
I dont want to stop. But its killing me, and its killing my Mum, I hate to see the hurt in her eyes. I would do anything for her and her alone. But I cant stop. How can I when I dont want to!
I feel good all over inside and out when I do this.. when I rid the filth.
Im trying to find out who I am, I want to know. I cant remember, I have a new lifestyle now, 'Mia' is my best friend again, and Im closer to my family and friends..
How can shit be perfect but so bad for me. I cant stop this addiction.
Just because..
Fuck!
Familiar Pain.. Feels good.. But its bad for me.
I cant hide it anymore, it's blatantly obvious, my condition.
Every night I get this powerful urge. Its a rush of adrenaline running thrugh me, encouraging me. My heart feels like its going to skip a beat, I start to get clammy, Im spinning. i cant breathe here it goes..
Its all over in less than a minute, Im diggin my nails into the tiles beneath me, my heads throbbing, but a releiving feel is sweeping over me, chills tickle my spine. Through the chills I feel warmth, my heart slows, I can breath again.
Im feeling messy and lost, they are the only words my brain can register to describe how I currently feel, as silly as they may sound. Im torn in two right now, symetrical amounts.
I dont want to stop. But its killing me, and its killing my Mum, I hate to see the hurt in her eyes. I would do anything for her and her alone. But I cant stop. How can I when I dont want to!
I feel good all over inside and out when I do this.. when I rid the filth.
Im trying to find out who I am, I want to know. I cant remember, I have a new lifestyle now, 'Mia' is my best friend again, and Im closer to my family and friends..
How can shit be perfect but so bad for me. I cant stop this addiction.
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