I've Held on The ThisToooo Long!
March 27th 2008 16:29
Ok so after a recent conversation with my boyfriend I've decided to air out something thats been on my chest for well over 15 years... This is a big step for me so bare with me people (those who are actually reading).
This is something that is very close to my heart and something that I've kept to myself for tooooooo long. I feel that I am in a time in my life where I need to be able to discuss this and try to rectify the situation so I can move on.
Here it goes...
When I was around 6 years old my mother suffered from a Brain Aneurysm. I remember it like it was yesterday. My brother and I, whom at the time was living with my two aunties, cousin, and mother in a small two bedroom project, came home from school. My aunties were acting very weird and made all the kids stay in the room while they talked. So me being the person I am. I politely went into the bathroom to eve's drop b.c. we all know Black women can get a tad bit loud when they talk. So I put my ear to the wall and I heard "what is going to happen to her kids", "call their daddy", "...comma", then here it comes I hear my mom's name, "San".
I almost collapsed in the bathroom. Not my best friend! Up until this point my mother and I were inseparable, I was her right hand man (as she used to say). We were truly best friends.
But long story short my aunties eventually told us, which they had no choice because I went and asked them "what happen to my momma!" They told me "you are just too nosy" and told me that my father was on his way from Detroit b.c. we were in Nashville. When my dad arrived he was accompanied by my older brother and we proceeded to the hospital. Because of my age my younger brother and I were not able to get access into the intensive care unit at Baptist Hospital. But my older brother whom was 13 at the time went with my dad to see momma.
When you see your oldest brother cry you know that its something that is not good, all I remember doing is sobbing. I felt like I lost myself. Eventually I was able to see my mother due to our circumstances: my father now had all three of his kids looking at him to be taking care of and need to go back to work immediately so he sweet talked the nurse into letting us see our mother before we left for Detroit.
Walking into that hospital room and seeing your mother laying completely still is devastating for any adult but imagine a child. My mother lye on that bed which seem to be 10 feet in the air(keep in mind I was 6 yrs old). She didn't look like her self b.c. she wasn't the fly woman I looked up to and was used to seeing. She looked like she was in another place, her face was at peace, she wasn't angry that she was near death (this is bring me to tears). As we said our good bye's, which we thought were forever, she was semi responsive the only thing she could do was squeeze our hands. So I said "I love you mom..We have to leave with daddy now but I will be back for you. Do you understand what I am saying momma" she squeezed my hand.....
To be continued
This is something that is very close to my heart and something that I've kept to myself for tooooooo long. I feel that I am in a time in my life where I need to be able to discuss this and try to rectify the situation so I can move on.
Here it goes...
When I was around 6 years old my mother suffered from a Brain Aneurysm. I remember it like it was yesterday. My brother and I, whom at the time was living with my two aunties, cousin, and mother in a small two bedroom project, came home from school. My aunties were acting very weird and made all the kids stay in the room while they talked. So me being the person I am. I politely went into the bathroom to eve's drop b.c. we all know Black women can get a tad bit loud when they talk. So I put my ear to the wall and I heard "what is going to happen to her kids", "call their daddy", "...comma", then here it comes I hear my mom's name, "San".
I almost collapsed in the bathroom. Not my best friend! Up until this point my mother and I were inseparable, I was her right hand man (as she used to say). We were truly best friends.
But long story short my aunties eventually told us, which they had no choice because I went and asked them "what happen to my momma!" They told me "you are just too nosy" and told me that my father was on his way from Detroit b.c. we were in Nashville. When my dad arrived he was accompanied by my older brother and we proceeded to the hospital. Because of my age my younger brother and I were not able to get access into the intensive care unit at Baptist Hospital. But my older brother whom was 13 at the time went with my dad to see momma.
When you see your oldest brother cry you know that its something that is not good, all I remember doing is sobbing. I felt like I lost myself. Eventually I was able to see my mother due to our circumstances: my father now had all three of his kids looking at him to be taking care of and need to go back to work immediately so he sweet talked the nurse into letting us see our mother before we left for Detroit.
Walking into that hospital room and seeing your mother laying completely still is devastating for any adult but imagine a child. My mother lye on that bed which seem to be 10 feet in the air(keep in mind I was 6 yrs old). She didn't look like her self b.c. she wasn't the fly woman I looked up to and was used to seeing. She looked like she was in another place, her face was at peace, she wasn't angry that she was near death (this is bring me to tears). As we said our good bye's, which we thought were forever, she was semi responsive the only thing she could do was squeeze our hands. So I said "I love you mom..We have to leave with daddy now but I will be back for you. Do you understand what I am saying momma" she squeezed my hand.....
To be continued
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