Good-Bye, Jus In Case (LINK)
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As I sit down and write this theory to you today, I am listening to a music CD a new soon-to-be friend of mine made. His name is DJ Boo, well thats not his birth name, but those of us that know him, call him that. I will not put him on front street or full blast right now in saying his name, but I will acknowledge him right now and his talents by telling you for the sake of this theory, his name is DJ Boo. Boo is your typical OG in the essence on what a real OG is, should not be and want to become if you wish to label him and his path that way. He is this unpolished street smooth cool guy that has been around Tha Block a few times on Tha Unda, done some things most would not try or do, and survived and thrived in others ways in its aftermath visually un-marked or scarred. He may or may not be rightfully labeled as an overall good guy by the masses, but for the sake on what he represents to a select few, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt when interacting with him. He is a cool guy, someone I think you could really trust if he trust you, and would deeply provide a pure rock of stability for those that are more than likely, able to call and know him as a friend. He is someone I hope to join in my inner circle one day from a distance, but only after time has allowed us to find out who each other really is, through things we can not control. But I am up writing my weekly letter to those I hold close to my heart, and if they know it or not, DJ Boo is providing me with a platform to reach out and touch them. These people I am writing or communicating to in either person, email, phone call or whatever, are males and females, as also men and women, if you get my drift. These people play a very important and significant role in my life, and I need for them to know at least weekly, I am doing okay and pretty much on pace to get where I want and need to be. I feel it is my duty as a man, to let them know in one way, shape or form at least weekly, that I appreciate the things they may have done to help me get where I was. I thank them and let them know where I am now when I reach out, and that my journey is one step closer to where I am trying to get. I tell them that I am on or off pace and the next big moment, is one moment closer than the last one when we spoke about and I need something from them. These people to me, are battled tested at a time I was going into war with whatever I may have been fighting, and gave me ammunition to hopefully, live to fight another day. They seem to me, that they love me for me being me, and I can pretty much expect nothing but their own honest opinion when they share with me things they feel I need to know about. They do this for the same reasons in many different ways, but in the end, it is all for the same purpose, to love and support me. You see what I have figured out is this, we all are used and use people and things for different reasons. The majority of time when we all do something be it work, fun, play, talk, walk, have sex, form friend and relationships, it is because we feel comfortable with whatever we are involved with and it is helping us feel good about ourselves and what we are trying to do. Now this form of a healthy manipulation is not to be mistaken as something negative, but something that actually, allows us to interact and get along on whatever levels to help something else do the same. But those I surround myself with, are from different backgrounds, environments and have a vast array of specialties in their character that can in turn, help me reach my goal in life, that much faster at a pace they feel I should operate at from their contribution. These people are a reflection or mirror image of me in a sense. They have seen me cry, seen me hurt, act an asshole, injured and dam near dead to the world in and on many emotional and physical levels. Some made me fight to gain my own scars and strength, and others there to comfort me and baby my over-sensitive ass, whenever I may have needed a hug or just that. But regardless on your take on them or me, I have surrounded myself with people that in the end of whatever battle, their job is to help me back up to help me, fight another battle to give them the same when they may need it. One quality I think many if not all will agree with all of the time that really know me, will say is, "in the forefront of ADGeres natural character, he is a warrior and someone you go into battle with. You do so because he is extremely loyal, passionate and faithful to what he believes in, and will tell you the truth, if you like it or not, based on his experience. He is strong willed and minded, but humble enough to follow and not lead, if you know the way". There are many things I can say about myself, but what I know many will say about me, is that. Thats the essence and core of me. Now yeah do not get me wrong, many will say a lot more for whatever reasons, but I promise you this, they will say that. I have seen and been through so much thus far in my life, that I am not trying to prove or convince anyone any more, I am simply contributing through my efforts in a unconditional way, because I can, want and able to. I have been there and back and more than sure I will go back and forth many more times before I die, so I know I do not know it all. I only know what I know, and think what I think, because that is all I know, just like you. So yeah to me, being smart enough to know how dumb you are, is very important! I think I have been to hell and heaven on earth in black limos and white lies, and drove when I show have been a passenger, and a passenger when I should have never been in the dam car in the first place.. I am perfectly flawed, and I am only doing what I do, because I think it is right, even when it might not be to you at the time and the way you are looking at it. But those I communicate with weekly at least, are very very important to me. I love these people for who they are, and if you in my opinion can at least have two or three of these people in and at different stages of your life, you are extremely blessed. If you can say that you do know of people that are in your life like this, you can honestly say, "someone really loves you for you". And you should if you have not already, tell them often, you really appreciate the contribution they have contributed to your life and what it is and will become because of them in the aftermath. These people are the core of you, and if nothing else, I feel everyone should have the pleasure to have at least three or four people in their life before they die, and I have about fifty and I am still alive. In a very odd way, I realize and know that its even impossible for me to even thank them for what they have done for me, and I would not insult them by asking them what they want from me. I would never ask," what do I owe you" because if I am the man and person I think I am and becoming because of them, I will never allow them to get in a place that will harm or hurt them so I need to come to their rescue or have them ask. I am deeply going way beyond money or a materialistic pay back, these are those people that were meant to be in your life, and you accepted them and what they were all about, unconditionally. So I write or contact them in one way or another at least once a week, to give to them, my appreciation for them for being who they were and are to me each and every day, even if I do not a chance to speak or communicate with them.
We all have people like this if we know it or not, and we balance them in such a way, that we are able to give to whatever element that recycles something we feel is comfortable, and feel good about doing it. Those of you that regularly read me all over the world, might or might not know a little about what I am talking about, because I mention them in many of my writings / theories. But those that have been with me through this textual journey on the surface where I really spill my guts on a table the size of your computer screen, might be a little bit lost right now. But do not worry and sit back and enjoy this theory, and you will start to get a glimpse on what I am writing about today, well, right now. You know if you know it or not, when you do what I am doing right now, it gives you this euphoric release. It is a freedom I can not really explain when you become enslaved into it, and the joy and pains of life and dealing and living inside of it, makes you really smile when you would normally frown. And when most things, not all things, but when most things happen, it does not really sway you one way or another because you are looking at the things you have done and seeing the results, if you select to believe them or not. I love putting my heart and soul on the table for the world to view and sometimes feed upon, so if never before, really try to understand what I am talking about right now. Now I read many if not all of the emails I get daily, and really thank all of you for your kind words. The thing I mostly get are short theories from you my viewers saying "right on oint" or " I am a deep thinker". I would say thank you, but it is not for me to thank you, it is those that made me who I am now. You see many do not know that there is this very deeply intimate personal side in me, that is so dam passionate, that it might scare you when you are deeply involved with me. I am mildly intense, and very very laid back. I am usually strolling through the city streets smiling or singing to myself without moving my lips, and basically looking at things and why they are presented to me at that time. I am not really a people watcher, but a humble human that is simply happy to be alive. But to those in my circle, they will tell you that I have this overwhelming appreciation for them, and at the end of the day if we argue, fuss or fight, we will be there for each other no matter what. Thats the loyalty side of me, and that is just a part of me that I hold close, and in the center of my heart. Now right now, I am seriously on some other shit. I am feeling good, just got finished being really sick from working like two dogs after one bone, and appreciating life on a level that is seriously, scary. Right now, many of my choices have played out, and though I got here on some good and bad luck, heartbreaks and heart filled moments, I am only showing my full respect to this moment, and letting you know, this level of living does exist. Right now this is not about bragging, boasting, throwing it at you or anyone else, this is all about the moment, and not me, the moment, so slow down reading if you are reading too much into this. Right now I am looking in the mirror and not really mad at who is looking back at me, but more in a disbelief that the person that is looking back, is a little bit better than he thought he would be after coming through some wars and battles. After the pain, the scars, the smiles and tears, I am feeling this thing I often call " The Moment", and living deep within it. But anyway, what this theory is about is something that is bigger than me. This is about a moment, and how this moment introduced its self to me this morning, and what I took from the message. I guess in many ways you say I might be going a little bit crazy right now, and if you did or do think that, okay. I will also give you credit for doing so because I completely understand if you think I m full of shit, bull shittin you or anything else along those lines. Right now I am smiling and feeling something that is worth the label and you do not care if the price tag is over priced, its worth it. Right now, life is good, great actually, and I feel extremely blessed to have another opportunity to share some of it with you. But back to DJ Boo and how he has inspired or should I say, elevated my previous state of living, and brought together something I am sure he does not even have the capacity of understanding my appreciation for allowing me to be in his moment. I am falling into a groove while writing, zoning and grooving to the song that is playing now through your speakers, and truly feeling every dam word this man is singing about love, life and all that I have been through. Now what is so crazy, is that the songs that are sequenced on this CD, are perfect compliments to the previous, and he is taking you on a smooth and enjoyable ride in his music selection. One sparks another, and the way I am personally feeling right now, I am flashing back on my path, my meaning, my imagined life and my reality that is sitting and waiting for me at the end of a long and dam near death defying ride. I am so emotionally overwhelmed right now, that the tears that are coming down my face in streams, and are being forced out by the millions of tears that are building up inside of me. I am so grateful for you, life and love, that I really want to thank you for everything all of you have done for me. Yes I am talking to you, yeah you. Yes, you reading. Hello!!! Yes, you. Thank you. Thank you and lets get back to the core of this theory. Sorry, I had to make you smile and think a bit, so you could Enjoy The Moment and relax a bit.
Now back to what is happening to me right now and why this theory is a bit cool for me to write. It is that out of the many that I have written, this one right here, this one right here nigga, sorry and what up Katt, that was for you as promised. Okay, sorry, I promised him he would be in a theory. But this moment right here, I want to pay tribute to the people that most matter in my life. I also want to ask you if you have people like this in your life, what role do they play and why they play it and you welcome it the way you do. You do not need to send me an email or even answer it to any one but yourself, but do me this one favor, ask it and answer it to yourself. This is your moment to give back to yourself and what you represent, and if nothing else, acknowledge it for it is for the sake of its importance in developing who you have now become at this moment. It could be that asshole exs that you have every reason to blame for fucking things up, to the Pastor at your church that is really doing the right thing, and you thank them for doing what many of us cant imagine becoming. Think about those people and just smile. Smile because things may not be right, things may not be perfect, but they are what they are because of these people that helped you get here and see things the way you see them. People in your life that if something happened or happens to you where you can not speak for yourself, they will tell the truth about you. Not what will be said, felt or touched up to make it sound good for he masses. But someone you can trust to call you, someone close and dear to him or her. So this theory is basically a good-bye to those I feel close to, just in case something unforeseen happens to me. If this is my last theory, the last form of relaying and communicating the most inner parts of myself. If this was my last breath, the very last one I am privileged to take. If this was what I want to first be read when they talk about what I am all about. This theory is that. If I were to write something to the woman of my dreams and reality, let me say this. If I were honored for her to read in her mind what I would write and never had to put on a computer screen that is forever living in her heart. To my fantasy woman, I would write this;
My Dearest XXXXXX,
As the sun beams on my face from my bedroom window, I count each sunray as a blessing in meeting the many parts I have met in meeting you. You see attraction is something we try to put in a box that can not be built. Attraction is something I find stimulating, and even though it is the cosmetic look of you that drive me crazy and proud to be with you, it is the invisible things others can not see that totally captivates my desire to cherish and love you beyond the definition. What I am feeling this morning is something I can not even begin to explain, because this feeling is so far removed from my previous years, that I am still just relishing within it and have not yet even tried to define it, yet alone, understand and talk about it. This feeling is you my love. It is you, what you make me see and feel and yet another reason to wake up. Another reason to dream, to focus, work and properly orchestrate my every move in securing a quality of life I feel we both deserve and is available to those that respect and understand what it means to have it. So as I write this to you today, know that you actually wrote it when we first met. You are making me do this. You are making me love myself as I do you. I was doing fine before I met you, but in meeting you, I realized my best was not good enough for the both of us. You made me look at me, and realize the person I thought I was, is nothing if he had a woman like you by his side and in his bed. I not only love you, but what you are emotionally creating. The ironic and funny thing is that you are not doing anything special, but being your special self and I respect the hell out of that and whatever created you to do such a thing. Am I perfect, no, far from it, and no one else is either. I am damaged my darling, and I do my best to hide the pain and scars. But when you strip me down, take away the homes, cars and things that deter you from looking at the real me, I am a great man. A man that stands proud and represents you beyond your own definition because you make me see the world that way. I need to be what you make us, and always know, I have never ever in my life, had a moment like this where things are so apparent and clear. I am smart enough to know that (smile). But what is perfect is the way we find things, appreciate the things we have lost and hold tight the things we know make us feel good. That is why the power of love is so ever strong. It can make you believe. It can make you forget about the world for a quick New York minute. It can bring sunshine like the Great State of California, as it can also bring the rain in SoCal like Toni, Tony Tone sings wrongly about in one of their classic hits. It can and does inspire, make nothing something, and allows you to be a better you for the sake of who you were before you got to this point. So this morning as I rise and write this to you, know that I thank you for coming into my life and making me feel the way I do, today. Happy Thursday my love, and yes, we are on a path called the unknown, and there is no one else I would travel this journey with other than you. Please know today if not ever before, that today and right now, you are deeply loved, respected and thought of mind and effortlessly. So yes, this letter or email could have been longer. It could have been more colorful and more like one of my theories, but it is not. This message to you could have been twenty pages or in one sentence, it would not have mattered. But the reason this message is as long as it is, is because I really want you to go back to what you were doing before you got this, and pay it a little bit more attention while feeling the way you do now. Love the next moment. Give it your all and then relax. Attack that moment like it means something, and when you reach it, tell it that I sent you and you will understand what I am talking about. Because right now my dear, life is beautiful, and part of my definition and why I say so, is because you are playing a major part in it. So I hope I can love you the way you need to be from this point forward and show you the man you have just felt today, for the very first time.
Enjoy The Moment
Anthony Douglas Gere
Your Man
Now that is what I would send to her, and I would truly hope that what she really feels for me when she reads it, is a fraction of that love and passion I have already given to her. I would hope that she already knows in her heart that I was on that path to create what she means to me in her mind, and what I just wrote was my blueprint or plan. I would hope I was attempting to act upon this feeling in her, up to that moment to make the next one that much better. I would hope that she knows what she means and meant to me, and how I hope our relationship ended up at the end of that moment, not our future. And just like my letter to her, I could go on and on, so I will leave that moment while it still lingers, and go further down my list. Now start imagining you writing such a letter to someone or the one in your life today? Is there any one, were there in the past or a potential candidate in the future? Think about if you are someones inspiration, and the last time they gave you what you really needed, not just wanted. Who would it be and what would you do to let them know what they mean to you? How can you ever repay them, or even find the words to display the feeling and affect they had on you in helping you become who you are now? Now I guess if I had children, well I do (duh). But what I think I would say to them is this, if this were my last form of communication to them:
My Dearest Child or Children,
I want you to know that you are a blessing for and from God. For whatever reasons, you came into my life, and I want to thank you for giving me such an opportunity to live life through your eyes. In many ways, I was your influence, and I hope you realize that I did my best in providing for you, loving you and showing things as your mentor and half contributing creator. There were no books or instructional manual on raising a child, especially you, and I know sometimes I did some crazy things. Sometimes I did some great things but regardless on what I did, just know that they were based on the things I had available to me at the time to get us to this point. I may not be what you now define as a parent, or what you may think exceeds beyond what is in your mind, but just know all I did since learning about you, is prepare a better way for you. If this is my last statement and letter to you, know that you can do anything if you can imagine yourself there. Learn about you, and why you are what you are and think. Look at my mistakes and think about if they were mistakes, or a calculated way to teach you something when you did not know I knew you were paying attention. Understand that my better half, your mother, was what I thought she was at the time, and our moment in creating you, was what I knew it was, even if I did not understand it myself. You are my heart, a major part of me that I pushed out onto the world, and maybe I do or do not. Maybe I might do this or that when you think I should or should not. But I am the parent that brought you into this world, and if I only knew what I know, I could honestly tell you that we would be a little farther down this road we call success. But that was then and this is now. I love you and the responsibility of that, is something I take as serious as I attacked what was coming at you and I.. But just know that whatever happens, it was done with you in mind and to help you not fight the battles I had to fight in protecting you as my child. But life is fair, and something you should have fun living. But do not get too caught up the hype, work hard at what you ever decide to do to keep you balanced. Find your passion. Find your floor and ceiling, and operate in the space in between those two extremes that makes you happy. But love life and respect it while you love it the same way you hate it, for and from what you put into it. All that I have left you, is nothing really. It can get you this, buy you that and make you look like something you may or may not be. But who you are is you, and the more you can find out about yourself, the better you will be in defining and describing yourself to others, if you know it or not. Give what you can and a bit more, and only accept what you know, not think, but know you can handle. Love life, and imagine the letter you will write to someone else one day, even if it is not on paper or screen like your ole man. I love you and never forget, Enjoy The Moment.
Anthony Douglas Gere
Your Father
Now some may think that what I wrote to my children is much shorter than the one I love, but that is not the case. Each letter would not compete against the other, and give what I hope will be a blueprint to be better off without me, than when I was with them. I would seriously talk to those that entered and left my life, and ask them for their forgiveness and love. I would accept all apologies in a genuine nature and offer them and advice on what ever I had to give at that time. I do not know if I would talk to my animals because they really do not care in the end. They just love you for being you and bother the hell out of you right when you need to be unconditionally loved (smile). So now is there question I ask you at the beginning, "What would you say if you had one more chance to tell someone something?" What would you say? How would you say it? Have you said or done it today? Are you really serious about what you think you are, or are you doing what you are doing because you feel you have to? Are you living or just surviving life? Are you even living, or just strolling through it like I do on the busy and affluent busy streets? That is why I told you in the beginning, this is not about me. This is about those I cherish and love, and the moments we make when we connect. This is about outsiders that inspire us, like DJ Boo is doing to me now with the un-real music mix. This is far from about me, this is about all of you. Thank you. Thank you from a place I hold very very special that I did not even know about until when met. So I guess in many ways, you are now part of my inner circle if you are reading this. And just in case you do not have time to write to someone or contact them, just send them this theory, and I am giving you my personal permission to use it as your own. Forward it, tell them to read it, and no, I am not trying to promote anything. I am giving you what someone gave me, and saving you a little bit of time. But if you can say it better than this, please, go ahead and send me a copy, I have no problem learning how to communicate more and better. So once again, this is not about me, it is about the moment. So enjoy it, and thanks Ray-Ray for introducing me to this moment via Boo. See all of ya all on the next go around, I am out of here. And Good-Bye, jus in case this is it. Our last moment together.
