Final FantasyGoodbye Dad
July 1st 2007 22:56
I recently had to arrange a funeral for the first time ....... not something that you would go out of your way to be involved in I know. However when its your father you cannot really avoid it i suppose.
I am the youngest of 4 but was the one who looked after him and had to make some of the most difficult descisions about him.
I am in a place now where I can talk about this without breaking down completely but its still early days too. I know all the cliched stuff... he is in a better place etc he isnt suffering anymore ... which is so very true and on a completely selfish note I now know i never have to face that day when he no longer recognises me ... Alzheimers or dementia is a cruel cruel illness.
Anyway organising a funeral was not as difficult as i thought but then i did have a fantastic man to help me ... funeral directors what a job hey? They deal with people at their lowest ebb and yet they do so with care and dignity. I dont think its a job I could do.
I worked on the principle that I wanted things that would make me smile not sad ... to remember the good times, the happy moments in his life. So he was put in his dress suit because as a choral singer he had many happy moments in that dress suit. He also went out with all his favourites with him... his cigars... his whiskey and his favourite chocolate. I like the idea that someone should be surrounded by the things they enjoyed in life.
I chose hymns that I knew he would have loved singing and still dont know where 2 of the choices came from (well i believe i was drawn to them by someone else) and one that will eternally remind me of my mother.
One thing that organising his funeral has done is that it has released some demons from my own past life regarding my mothers death many years ago. I now know where her ashes were scattered and am happy that that is where he will be scattered to. I know they are reunited again after so many years and that makes me feel good its like things have come full circle.
So out of the sadness and grief I felt at my fathers passing I have discovered a new found sense of peace and a release of the grief I have carried around with me for so many years. I can now mourn both of my parents and do so in a way that i know will lead to healing. Its been a very long time coming but at least now I can begin to move on and work through my grief as I should do. Coming to a place where acceptance of the situation takes the place of that life stopping grief that can paralyse you into a life that to outsiders looks like any other life where as inside you seem unable to move on.
I am thankful for the life my father had it was a long and interesting one full of extraordinary events and people who loved him. We should all hope for that I suppose.
I am the youngest of 4 but was the one who looked after him and had to make some of the most difficult descisions about him.
I am in a place now where I can talk about this without breaking down completely but its still early days too. I know all the cliched stuff... he is in a better place etc he isnt suffering anymore ... which is so very true and on a completely selfish note I now know i never have to face that day when he no longer recognises me ... Alzheimers or dementia is a cruel cruel illness.
Anyway organising a funeral was not as difficult as i thought but then i did have a fantastic man to help me ... funeral directors what a job hey? They deal with people at their lowest ebb and yet they do so with care and dignity. I dont think its a job I could do.
I worked on the principle that I wanted things that would make me smile not sad ... to remember the good times, the happy moments in his life. So he was put in his dress suit because as a choral singer he had many happy moments in that dress suit. He also went out with all his favourites with him... his cigars... his whiskey and his favourite chocolate. I like the idea that someone should be surrounded by the things they enjoyed in life.
I chose hymns that I knew he would have loved singing and still dont know where 2 of the choices came from (well i believe i was drawn to them by someone else) and one that will eternally remind me of my mother.
One thing that organising his funeral has done is that it has released some demons from my own past life regarding my mothers death many years ago. I now know where her ashes were scattered and am happy that that is where he will be scattered to. I know they are reunited again after so many years and that makes me feel good its like things have come full circle.
So out of the sadness and grief I felt at my fathers passing I have discovered a new found sense of peace and a release of the grief I have carried around with me for so many years. I can now mourn both of my parents and do so in a way that i know will lead to healing. Its been a very long time coming but at least now I can begin to move on and work through my grief as I should do. Coming to a place where acceptance of the situation takes the place of that life stopping grief that can paralyse you into a life that to outsiders looks like any other life where as inside you seem unable to move on.
I am thankful for the life my father had it was a long and interesting one full of extraordinary events and people who loved him. We should all hope for that I suppose.
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Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Best wishes,
Tracy
Comment by Final Fantasy
Thoughts from a Scouse Wench
Thanks for your kind words ........... singing was such an importatnt part of my fathers life that to not consider songs he would have liked was just not an option.........
I was pleased to make use of the great Willard White singing "My Way" and a section from a recording of Ode to Joy that my father was part of. It was a fitting tribute to have him leave our sight with the choir he sang with ringing in our ears.
Trish
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
This is beautiful, FF:
Best wishes,
Tracy
Comment by Final Fantasy
Thoughts from a Scouse Wench
Thanks again
Trish
Comment by Nickoftime's Sanity Corner
my thoughts and prayers are with you always babe...I've been down this road myself recently and it's one I dread seeing anyone have to take alone...
But this was a beautiful, stirring piece and a wonderful tribute to your Dad...
Grieve the way you need to and then sing their praises when your tears dry up...
My thoughts and prayers go with you as always,
Peace and white light,
Nick
Comment by Final Fantasy
Thoughts from a Scouse Wench
My dear friend I know you have and I thank you for you friendship, love and constant support - you have seen me through some hard times and I love you dearly for being there.
You know my thoughts and prayers are with you as well.
Love as always
Trish xx