A Moment
April 29th 2010 23:30
I live in a rural community, so everbody nows everybody and there is a clear social strata. I recieved the local paper yesterday, and what do I find but a half page studio photo of someone who has been working in the Drug and Alcohol field less than I have. To top it off there is a half page article about how he changed careers in his forties from a handyman to Drug and Alcohol worker, and to rub salt in the wounds he loves to help people, and promotes the message 'if he can make a change so late in life, than the clients he works with can make change to.' Great, good for him. I mean that, the man has done well, I know him and I applaud him for his succesful change. But I was right royally pissed, who is this guy to get a half page right up, when here I am struggling to get by and achieve what most people take for granted. Petulant spoilt child, sure, I admit that. I am not angry at him, I am angry at the injustice of it all. A local boy made good, gets written up and promoted as a hero. Who do these people think they are. lets promote a local service who has the monopoly in the area and further more lets write a feel good story about someone who is well known anyway, who is helping people.
I feel a little better now, only a little, because I have come to realise in recent time that I abhor injustice, and yet I sit back and do nothing except complain. But that is besides the point at the moment, what I want to relect here is that I took some time to let the thoughts run through my mind and process, why was I so angry about this? And I come to realise that early on in life, somewhere in Junior primary school, there was an art competion, an I dilidently spent a lot of time on doing a chalk drawing of Garfield. I loved to draw at that time and was always skething Garfield, so I was proud of my work. Keep in mind that I did not share my passion with anybody, not even at home, it was my secret. The pictures went up and the popular kid won. I remember sitting in the background alone, while his friends crowded around him. It was so unfair, who was I to talk tyo about my feelings of defeat and failure, and more so what made this kid so special he just threw together some picture and was decalred winner by his peers, because he was there friend. Life is not fair, I have not experienced a win, ever, based on merit. I have always been the one sitting on the outside looking in, because I am different, and that is hard to reconcile now as an adult.
The point I diverged from earlier is this, I abhor injustice, I complain and make excuses why I can't effect or influence change. I now know to be happy that rather than feel sorry for myself, I need to speak my truth and put it out there, because nothing will change. For a long time I have had ideas about the things I am going to do, I start, I stop. Why, well no other reason than I feel people are not interested in what I have to say. Irrespective they are all excuses.
I feel a little better now, only a little, because I have come to realise in recent time that I abhor injustice, and yet I sit back and do nothing except complain. But that is besides the point at the moment, what I want to relect here is that I took some time to let the thoughts run through my mind and process, why was I so angry about this? And I come to realise that early on in life, somewhere in Junior primary school, there was an art competion, an I dilidently spent a lot of time on doing a chalk drawing of Garfield. I loved to draw at that time and was always skething Garfield, so I was proud of my work. Keep in mind that I did not share my passion with anybody, not even at home, it was my secret. The pictures went up and the popular kid won. I remember sitting in the background alone, while his friends crowded around him. It was so unfair, who was I to talk tyo about my feelings of defeat and failure, and more so what made this kid so special he just threw together some picture and was decalred winner by his peers, because he was there friend. Life is not fair, I have not experienced a win, ever, based on merit. I have always been the one sitting on the outside looking in, because I am different, and that is hard to reconcile now as an adult.
The point I diverged from earlier is this, I abhor injustice, I complain and make excuses why I can't effect or influence change. I now know to be happy that rather than feel sorry for myself, I need to speak my truth and put it out there, because nothing will change. For a long time I have had ideas about the things I am going to do, I start, I stop. Why, well no other reason than I feel people are not interested in what I have to say. Irrespective they are all excuses.
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