going afar
February 10th 2007 12:31
I dont want him to go.... I am finally happy, i am finally committing even if I am not... I am finally content with letting the past slide... and I'm finally ready to see the present...
But why is it not the time?
Should life go fast or slow, should we wait for something right or do we have to ponder in the greatest insecurities for our true thoughts to shine...
Why must i flee to take hold of my problems, no matter where the road is leading us the problems will follow.. but really are they problems, or do we just try to give our lives purpose and cause the dramas of everyday life...
You cant be afraid... I just got offered a new job but i don't want to go there on Monday, i want to sit on the beach and ponder my life... i dont want to have to go out there and make money when really what i want to do is write.. Why make my life harder and stressful when what i know i want to do is this... write what i want and somehow i know i'll get there when i want to...
This may sound like mumble jumble but to me... this is me... these are my thoughts and this is what i want.
As much as I want certainty and security and I want to travel... half of me wants to stop and chill and do nothing but what i want to do...
But i know for sure.. I dont want him to go... I have never ever wanted people to leave my life, althought they always seem to. The difference here is I knew he was leaving from the start, i knew i didn't have to worry about getting too close and in turn getting hurt because it was not so far away that he would disappear... i could have fun and let it slide... move on and continue being 20.
I never dreamed that it would be just what I wanted.... and needed..
I can't stop him.... but maybe i can stop him from forgetting me as he journeys where he must.... and maybe just maybe he will come back....
But why is it not the time?
Should life go fast or slow, should we wait for something right or do we have to ponder in the greatest insecurities for our true thoughts to shine...
Why must i flee to take hold of my problems, no matter where the road is leading us the problems will follow.. but really are they problems, or do we just try to give our lives purpose and cause the dramas of everyday life...
This may sound like mumble jumble but to me... this is me... these are my thoughts and this is what i want.
As much as I want certainty and security and I want to travel... half of me wants to stop and chill and do nothing but what i want to do...
But i know for sure.. I dont want him to go... I have never ever wanted people to leave my life, althought they always seem to. The difference here is I knew he was leaving from the start, i knew i didn't have to worry about getting too close and in turn getting hurt because it was not so far away that he would disappear... i could have fun and let it slide... move on and continue being 20.
I never dreamed that it would be just what I wanted.... and needed..
I can't stop him.... but maybe i can stop him from forgetting me as he journeys where he must.... and maybe just maybe he will come back....
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