Give Me Something With Knives In It
August 2nd 2008 13:13
There is something wrong with the way I deal with things. I hate being by myself in situations where it isn't allowed. I'm fine, better than usual actually, to sit here in isolation by Croydon station and regather myself. Here is ok, over there, where they are all waiting, is a different story.
All day I've felt jumpy, shaky, without air and I'm sick with not being able to relax. I can't have nothing to do and no one to talk to. I was doing ok this morning. Shaky, yes, but largely happy. Now I am feeling the alone. Abandonment. I can't shake it. It comes back and consumes me and I'm taken away with it.
I think I could sit forever in the same position. Would anyone notice, I wonder? If I didn't go back yes Cassie would call to see where I was. John would message to check where I am when he arrived. Bridge will call to see what time I'm meeting her later. My mother will call tomorrow to check on me. If, however, I was just to cave in, would they see it in me? Is defeat written on the face? If I could hold a picture perfect facade to satisfy until I escape the gaze would any catch on to my fraudulence?
I'm tired. I'm drained. It's too draining. It might be what I do to myself. I don't do anything that's good for me. Except pray.
All day I've felt jumpy, shaky, without air and I'm sick with not being able to relax. I can't have nothing to do and no one to talk to. I was doing ok this morning. Shaky, yes, but largely happy. Now I am feeling the alone. Abandonment. I can't shake it. It comes back and consumes me and I'm taken away with it.
I think I could sit forever in the same position. Would anyone notice, I wonder? If I didn't go back yes Cassie would call to see where I was. John would message to check where I am when he arrived. Bridge will call to see what time I'm meeting her later. My mother will call tomorrow to check on me. If, however, I was just to cave in, would they see it in me? Is defeat written on the face? If I could hold a picture perfect facade to satisfy until I escape the gaze would any catch on to my fraudulence?
I'm tired. I'm drained. It's too draining. It might be what I do to myself. I don't do anything that's good for me. Except pray.
| 25 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
