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A bunch of miscellaneous reviews

November 29th 2008 20:32
if i have any readers then yay if not, enjoy this, noone.

[movies]
Quantum of Solace - not as good a casino royale
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm - pretty damn good
Goodfellas - watch it or get wacked
Wall E - (see above)
Burn After Reading - quite enjoyable, big lebowski is much better
Max Payne - extremely lacking with some good bits
Saw V - at this point, its hard to care about anything going on in saw, except gordon
Postal - best uwe boll movie yet! take that however you please
Jacobs Ladder - quite good indeed, confusing but not TOO confusing
Escape From New York - the action isnt exciting and the little amount of dialogue is sub par but snake plissken is bad-ass

Cloverfield - best monster movie ...ever?
The Mist - actually this is the best monster movie ever.
1408 - actually scary and awesome
The Thing - john carpenter got his shit together and everything gels
Alien - not as good as i was expecting but its damn classic
Aliens - my...5th favourite movie of all time
The Lost Highway - sucks
Taxi Driver - my...6th? favourite movie of all time
The Departed - the film that made me love mark wahlberg and dicaprio, matt damon still gives me the shits though
The Bourne Ultimatum - it was pretty cool.. but alot of the action was obscured by matt damons massive forehead
Little Miss Sunshine - best ending....ever!? - NO, but its up there
Westworld - james brolin looks like christian bale!
X-men 3 - what in gods name were they thinking?
Spiderman 3 - remove sandman and then you could've had a good film
Garfield 2 - quite horrid, what audience were they going for?
Men In Black - MARVELOUS
Men In Black 2 - not so much, but its still darn tootinly enjoyable

Futurama: Bender's Big Score - best futurama movie to date - time travel rocks

[games]
The World Ends With You - overated piece of boring manga, about as fun as reading the back of a noodle packet, and scribbling on it
Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin - love that vampire whipping action
Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow - where ma whip at
Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia - whip!? its also abit harder, and the character art no longer sucks
Killer7 - wierd and so rewarding
Morrowind - best game ever
Grim Fandango - best game ever
Syberia - kate walker is too slow but its still best game ever
Max Payne 2 - almost best game ever
Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3 - best skateboarding game ever
Armed and Dangerous - pretty freakin awesome
Team Fortress 2 - if my computer wouldnt screw up every 20 minutes its damn sweet
Transformers: Animated DS - you never really feel like youre playing the game because its so damn linear but the voice work is great (and the shockwave tanks!)
Left 4 Dead - only played for abit but needless to say, i came
Dragon Ball Origins - a worse phantom hourglass but its still pretty good, and bulma flashes master roshi her vag...
N - best time killer on the train
Oblivion - doesn't work great on my pc but i was blown away - literally
Metal Slug 7 - wheres the mummies?!
Space Invaders Extreme - electro-crack
Resident Evil 4 - a rather splendid action game with a chilling atmosphere


i hope someone read all that

I've got a quantum of solace
...in my pants
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Shadow Of The Colossus (FIRST REVIEW! WOOO!)

May 14th 2008 06:21
Ahhh, where do i begin with such a masterpiece?

THE STORY:
A dude called Wander takes his dead girlfriend to some temple where he's told by some kind of evil buddha that if he kills these 16 monsters, he'll bring his dead girl back to life. FUCK YEAH! Wander thinks and he and his horse Agro set off for some wholesome monster genocide.

The story is like that until near the end where stuff starts to happen...i won't spoil it but its a pretty damn cool ending.

THE DEAL(io):
To be simple this game could be GTA set in prehistoric times, so prehistoric theres nothing around except a horse, a few lizards, a dead girl and giant statue monsters.

Now what fun is there in grand theft horse you ask. Well, inquisitive reader, all the classic "fun" ofcourse, comes in the form of the 16 boss battles spread across the massive land you're set free in. It might sound a little short but the way its set out is like this. You start at the temple next to your dead girlfriend and horse. You use your sword as a type of monster compass that gives you the basic direction of the monster. THEN you go to the area where the boss is and fight the mofo after which you get teleported back to the temple to start all over again on the next one.

Now the bosses aren't just "shoot the weakspot" types, well..they are, but it's more stab the weakspot and getting to the weakspots the hard part. The games all about one thing: grip. You see, the weakspot on the monsters is normally located near the head and these bosses are GIANT (well not all of them). You have to grip onto hairy areas and climb to a safe spot before your grip meter runs out, thankfully alot of these monsters are really hairy however this whole process is made more dificult as these colossi shake and try to swat u off. When you finally get to a weakspot (oh did i mention some bosses have more than one weakspot?) you grap onto the hair and hold your sword up, you have to concentrate for a moment before you finally drive the sword into the sigil where black blood starts gushing out like the well scene in army of darkness. You do this a few more times until the boss dies.

HECTIK

THE "DEEP" STUFF:
Where "Shadow of the colossus" sets itself apart from other game (other than the unique gameplay) is the epic quality of it. I might sound like a bit of a "games are art" preacher but playing this game, it really evokes emotion. When you're riding around the desolate plains, seeing how empty the world is you get filled with wonder and youre taken in by the beauty of it (Suffice to say, if youre gonna play this game, get a big screen) You also get this feeling of loneliness as theres nobody around, anywhere. I've never played Ico (because it's impossible to find in sydney) but apparently it does the same.

Now what every other reviewer out there seems to comment on about this game, the emotional impact of the monsters. Apparently, when they killed a colossus, they all felt regret and pain (pussies). It might just be because im a psychotic but i never really felt anything when these things died. Perhaps if, after one died, i could stand around longer to see the thing dead (ghostly tentacles grab you and teleport you away as soon as the things die) or maybe if the monsters made scarier and more painful wails when i stabbed them it wouldve hit me harder. The deaths, for me at least needed to be more visceral to impact me. The only thing i felt after one died was "SHIT YEAH LETS KILL THE NEXT ONE!".

either way, its good stuff.

THE MOVES(technical stuff i guess):

They will take some getting used to, mostly mapped well except triangle for jump (what the hell?). You really should read the manual before playing because the game doesn't fill you in on some things in the tutorial such as jumping onto your horse quickly (jump and grip). The grip button isn't something seen alot in games (or seen ever... i believe) and it's pretty awesome the first time you find out you can grab onto birds!

Controlling the horse is another stand out thing in shadow of the colossus. It really does seem like a real horse and the animations for both you and the horse are stunning for a ps2 game. I guess this is because there really arent a whole lot of other things to animate.

The emptyness of the game is great as it works to the games technical advantage. Because your screen isnt covered in little baddies, more processing power is put into the stunning graphics. One of the first games to use bloom lighting, you'll often mistake this for a ps3 game. Farther away from the (lego) technics, the art design is magnificent, there are so many diverse environments, you just have to see it for yourself.

Furthermore, like GTA san andreas, the empty lands make it so theres absolutely no loading anywhere.

oh and savepoints are temples (they look cool) which if you climb to the top, the camera changes to give you a view of the massive land.

THE EXTRAS(no gervais here):
There are more things to do in this crazy land. For one, you can pet your horse! how cool is that! But more gameplay-wise there are little lizards around that restore...something when you eat them and if you eat a white tailed one (located at each savepoint) something else happens.... There are fruit trees which boost your health when you eat the fruit and after you down a colossus you can come back to where it was killed to find a barely recognisable heap where the monster was. "Pray" here and you can fight it again in sepia tone.

When the games finished theres a hard dificulty and time trials to do. Finish all this and your grip meter should be huge enough to climb to some garden on the temple..pretty crap reward if you ask me.

THE END:

Get the game(if you can find it), it rocks. Its more the great drama film than the summer action blockbuster. Call it, No country for old colossi... No ps2 collection is done without it.

.... i don't do stars or whatever - not my bag

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And heres the dealio..

May 9th 2008 05:30
simply put, reviews of games and movies,
most of the time they will be older games for those who want to spend a hard earned 15 bucks on a platinum ps2 game or a dvd movie but hey, every now and then something new might come along and blow me away and when it does, you'll hear about it... or read about it, whatever, enjoy!

- glean (thats my real name, pronounced either gleeeen or glenn)
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