Getting rid of guilt
why did you do it?
if you had been a lover I may have understood
emotions turn people into the strangest things
did you mean to make me feel this way
or did everything unravel
like the ball of wool
that gets tangled in the kittens
untamed claws?
when will you tear yourself away from my thoughts?
allow me a night when I can sleep
without tossing and turning
meeting strange eyes
in strange places
teeth grinding
blankets meant to be warming against
this chilly winter air
instead thrown to the floor
during a nightmare struggle
peeling back that glossy paper
to reveal the sticky adhesive
that allows my guilt to hold fast
follow me like my shadow
but one that is not my own
I laughed with you
and shared with you
but you turned it against me
and made me feel the way I feel
then turned the guilt onto me
I don`t know what to make about this
I don`t know how to make this guilt go away
for it is not my guilt to carry
you gave it to me
there are some presents
that come wrapped pretty
but open up like Pandora`s box
everything is out
you cannot turn back the clocks
i have no tears to shed
they have hidden themselves well
in the knotted pits of my clenched jaws
this is not me trying to lay the blame
on your doorstop
drop it off like the morning news
this is me telling you
that I am sorry but you gave me no choice
I want to wrench my heart from my chest
and wring every drop of blood
while it is still beating
and cast it to the floor and
kick it
stomp it
crush it
until it beats no more
watch as every feeling runs from it
spent and in a dirt mingled puddle on the floor
every spatter against the wall
represents the hours I have
tried to peel away my staring eyes
from their 'Mental Patient' stare
release me from this guilt
these chains are not mine to bear
only you have the key to unlock them
yet you never will
i know
if you had been a lover I may have understood
emotions turn people into the strangest things
did you mean to make me feel this way
or did everything unravel
like the ball of wool
that gets tangled in the kittens
untamed claws?
when will you tear yourself away from my thoughts?
allow me a night when I can sleep
without tossing and turning
meeting strange eyes
in strange places
teeth grinding
blankets meant to be warming against
this chilly winter air
instead thrown to the floor
peeling back that glossy paper
to reveal the sticky adhesive
that allows my guilt to hold fast
follow me like my shadow
but one that is not my own
I laughed with you
and shared with you
but you turned it against me
and made me feel the way I feel
then turned the guilt onto me
I don`t know what to make about this
I don`t know how to make this guilt go away
for it is not my guilt to carry
you gave it to me
there are some presents
that come wrapped pretty
but open up like Pandora`s box
everything is out
you cannot turn back the clocks
i have no tears to shed
they have hidden themselves well
in the knotted pits of my clenched jaws
this is not me trying to lay the blame
on your doorstop
drop it off like the morning news
this is me telling you
that I am sorry but you gave me no choice
I want to wrench my heart from my chest
and wring every drop of blood
while it is still beating
and cast it to the floor and
kick it
stomp it
crush it
until it beats no more
watch as every feeling runs from it
spent and in a dirt mingled puddle on the floor
every spatter against the wall
represents the hours I have
tried to peel away my staring eyes
from their 'Mental Patient' stare
release me from this guilt
these chains are not mine to bear
only you have the key to unlock them
yet you never will
i know
Ars Poetica
or feel instead of the numb..
your words
made me
feel
yep
i'm alive
look after that beautiful heart of yours....
back rub,
~Lily
and wring every drop of blood
while it is still beating
and cast it to the floor and
kick it
stomp it
crush it
Oh, I relate too well. Too well.
It's one thing to feel guilt over our own actions, but the guilt trips others put on us can be too much to carry. I've developed a sarcastic response to others when they try to guilt me into things or blame me for things I didn't do... and I'm sure I picked it up from a t.v. show somewhere and can't remember where: "Pack your bags, we're going on a guilt trip!" - and no, the response to that is not generally favorable. *grins*
Painfully inspired, but beautifully expressed, Ash.
*hugs*
W
coolgirlsar to the rescue
One Too Many Chocolate Bars
Take Care.
Sarah. xxx
Coffee Quip
Sounds like most of my nights; dreaming memories I lovingly hate. The never ending waltz.
Raven.
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
I'm sorry, Ash, loved the poetry but at the end of the day we are left only with ourselves. The other has gone.
Sip carefully, then sup on the fabric of life.
None of us can ever be free we must just keep keeping on.
katyzzz.....written with love, not mechanics
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
...this is a relatable wrench...
I have often said that the true anti-Christ is Guilt.
I loved these lines
represents the hours I have
tried to peel away my staring eyes
from their 'Mental Patient' stare
Hope you sleep well again soon, this weather is sooo good for snoozin' and not worryin'...
Lilla ...
I totally loved this poem...very deep, emotional and thoughtful
Nothing more need be said...
Take care,
Nick
Youth Parenting
Untitled -
My names Lana im new to orble. I absolutely loved that poem. You truely are an awesome writer. I think you wrote what alot of us feel. Keep up the great work, I hope things start to look up for you soon! You seem like a lovley girl. -- Lana Marie
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
This post was thought provoking as guilt seems to be one of the most exacerbating factors in therapy.
1. we made decisions based on information we had at the time
2. we created our lives in the past ... so recreate a new life that in more in line with who we are now....
3. lengthen your horizon to include every wonderful aspect of this past relationship and remember that we learn as much from a bad relationship as one that is healthy.
Mis
Thanks for sharing!
Coffee Quip
Oh, right, they're already there. Well, lets just continue to hover around them like flies on a corpse and wring our hands. It's worked for us worldwide so far.
Besides, we're collectively bonded to our guilt, it frees us from responsible action.
Nice poem.
Raven
Always Eighteen
Well, at least it helps me write.
Great post
Celebrity Obsession
I know that people say that guilt is an unproductive emotion, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with it. You've captured the awful feeling of it so well in this poem.
Kalikapsychosis
This is getting downright scary....
Between your nightmares and mine Lilla wont have time to sleep!
How are you feelin me so well?
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I really do wish that I didn`t feel as much as I do - it is to the detriment of my health and others involved normally manage to shrug it off. Argh!
I need to learn to be the shoes instead of the carpet that the shoes always get wiped on
thanks for the backrub.... ahhhhh I feel better now
hugs to ya gerlie
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
hahahahahaha I pack those bags quite regularly... I think I need to adopt your approach, it really does drive me nuts. I am all for helping people , in all honesty I will do anything for anyone - but when they start to take advantage I just get MAD... the Scorpio in me kicks in... and then I get into bed and it all starts churning in my head and the guilt settles in ....
It`s a busy highway this head of mine! If I started a toll gate for my thoughts I would be an overnight millionaire
hugs
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Thank you for sharing your experience... makes me feel a little less unstable ~wink~
That`s so true and I don`t know why they have to do it. I cannot stand to think that I have upset someone in any way... it really bugs me if I do. So for me to comprehend why another person would do that to anyone is beyond my capacity I~m afraid.
Thank you for your comment. I hope sometimes you go down a good ;memory lane;
hugs
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Good to see you!
ug yes! tell me about it! I have had lots of those nights... last night being the most recent one. Thank goodness I had the rain to listen to
Thanks for your comment
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Your comment was very heart felt- thank you! I guess i just let things niggle me a little too much - selfishness is not something I can stand. I love to watch people and try to work out what is going on in their heads - this is something I have yet to get my head around - what joy someone would get out of someone elses pain.
However, it takes all types to make the world go 'round..
Thanks Katyzzz
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I wonder makes us tick - that we would take such things on board!
not even the weather was allowing for snoozing last night! 3am was the last time I looked at my clock and i had to be up 6am! ug drives me nuts sometimes.
This rain is loverly.... oh so loverly.... so I cannot complain at the moment.
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I hope you are well. I thoroughly enjoyed musing over your posts this weekend. You write things that I always have such interest in.
Thanks Nick, your comments are always appreciated.
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Thank you for your comment, what a great compliment. It is always good to see a new Orbler join in... I shall be over to your place soon.
Be warned this Orble becomes very addictive.... you will love it! Such a diverse group with so many ideas and views and new things to share. Welcome!
Thanks again for your lovely comment
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
What great advice. I have read your words over a couple of times to allow it to sink in and, although a difficult concept to put in to practise, it is so true.
I am trying to get my head around this one... it is a little more in depth than meets the eye. I know I shouldn`t feel guilty but I do. I spoke to the person involved in this guilt yesterday and feel a little better over it actually.
Thanks Mis
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
~lauging @ your comment~ so much in life goes on... and we are fortunate enough to have discovered the therapeutic nature of writing!
There is something so uplifting about getting all of your frustrations down on paper... and now I guess we all have the added extra of having an understanding group of people who offer a shoulder!
You have a very unique talent Dean. Make sure you let us know when that book is coming out. I would love to be at your Book Launch!
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Oh at times I feel like it is unproductive because at the end of the day you feel guilty and the other party normally just carries on life as normal.
However, it also makes you realise that you have a little bit if a heart which I think is an extremely important part of being a human.
Thanks for your comment
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
oh I`m so used to having nightmares now that I just classify them as normal dreams. This weekend??? Dreams of watching people being hung and dropped down wells! I haven`t had time to work out what this means yet... it is my mission for the evening.
I love Lilla`s Dream Interpretation site ~waves at Lilla~ personally I would love to see the book! I would be first in line to get my copy
I hope you are feeling better now
hugs to you
ash
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Guilt is so insidious.... I am glad that you are feeling better. Always a pleasure to chat with You!
Mis
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories