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I'm writing this as a stay at home Dad to give a first-hand experience of what a tough job caring for a young child can be. I've been watching my daughter grow up for close to five years and have been at home with her for the better part of three. Just enough time to really get the feel of what most women go through in our society who raise children. Again hats off to anybody staying home to rear their children since it is one of the most difficult and underated jobs anybody could have. I'm going to approach this from a Dad perspective, but I'm sure most of it applies to Moms too! I'm going to also preface this by saying that I am blessed to have my daughter and to stay home with her and while she is truly a gift from God to me, she is also gifted and requires more than the usual amount of stimulation and energy to raise. Staying at home has been quite the learning experience. I would say there have been different phases of learning. There was the beginning or new phase, where we spent almost every waking moment together creating that all important bond of attachment. We were very close and never tarried too far from one another. We were in awe of each other and how the time would fly just looking into each others eyes. During this time we stayed home much and were content just to explore the living room, garden, or the occassional stroll through the neighborhood. LIfe was easy and contained. Not a problem. Later came the exploring and walking phase. We would take walks around the block that seemed like a big deal. The days became a little more tiring and started to blur. Shaving became less important but learning the names of my daughter's favorite animals and such took on an extreme quality. Memorizing tunes from her favorite programs that have stayed in my head to this day became the norm. Cooking and cleaning are entire jobs unto themselves without raising a child. Washing, drying, and folding seemed out of the question. These were the days of the beginning to realize that I would have no life outside my daughter's life. I would become an unpaid servant who would respond to every call and would be of service 24-7. LIttle did I know that I would soon lose my entire identity. Eventually I would come to the place learning and playing. I would become a parent, teacher, coach, doctor, and anything else my daughter needed. I would begin to know things that nobody else in the world knew, just because I spent so much time with her. I would get to know her in intimate ways that nobody would be able to begin to understand. I would recognize her cries, whines, the fussy ones from being tired, the serious ones from being hurt, and the crocodile tears as well. Along the way my daughter would teach me so much and I would continue my education all over again. Everything I learned in school would go right out the door. This was real life and it was all just beginning. My daughter being the bright child that she is would continue to bombard me with questions such as "how did the first man and woman come to be on earht?" And "how many miles from the Sun is Mercury?" "What about Pluto?" These questions always come after a fresh nights sleep and she is waking me up. I've learned that sleep is something I will always need more of and that children are not sleeping they are recharging. Slowly as my daughter became more interested in her world and her activites such as ballet, art, science, she began to take classes to enrich her life, I slowly began to lose mine. The process is so very slow that you cannot see it coming. One day you just wake up and realize you have slipped into a walking coma of a life. Now mind you, some like to stay home, and would do anything to be in this position, and while I feel grateful and extremely blessed, I also want to portray what can be some of the pitfalls for myself. I have actually worked with children quite extensively and have the need to be out in the world. I don't do well with monotony and being indoors, so this has been a challenge for me. I also like to work. I know who would have thought Dad's values would kick in. I like to be busy creating new projects and working on old ones. So here are my tips for stay at home Dads.
1) Get Support. I mean this in that there are many people staying at home with their children and getting in contact with others who are going through what you are going through is huge.
2) Don't Isolate. It is real easy to get into a routine, and while this is important be sure to get out there and meet some new people. This is helpful for you and your children.
3) Stress Management. Find a way to relax and let go of the day. It may be going to the gym, or meditation, or even hanging out with the guys. You need a way to come down, and the more relaxed you are the better you are going to be with your children.
4) Get Regular Sleep. This is a difficult one because when you are watching an infant this is not always possible. Try to get a regular bedtime for yourself. If you need to arrange for a power nap, by all means do it.
5) Eat Right. It is all too easy to let ourselves go when we are responsible for others. We have to continue to eat healthy. I often find myself eating left-overs my daughter leaves behind and this can be dangerous. Those PB&J ends can add a few extra pounds.
6) Communicate with your significant other what is going on for you. Often times our partners have no clue what it's like to stay home with a child. They come home all bubbly after having been with adults all day discussing world events and all we've seen or heard for the past 8-9 hours is nursery rhymes or "Why Dadddy?" "Why?"
7) Hobbies. Continue to do things that bring you pleasure. This sounds like a no-brainer, but it is so easy to let go of the things we truly love to do in favor of our children doing what they want all the time.
8) Schedule date night. Take some time for you and your significant other to go out on a date. This means hiring a babysitter or leaving your child with Grandma and Grandpa, or a trusted friend. No checking in every five minutes either or it defeats the purpose. This is a time for you to re-connect with your partner.
9) Overnights. When your child is old enough, you might want to schedule an overnight with the Grandparents or a trusted friend.
10) Talk about it. Be proud of the fact that you are a Stay At Home Dad! Many times we feel we have to explain why we are at home instead of our partners. Do not fall into this trap. You are a fortunate person who for whatever reasons has the privilege of watching your child grow up and this requires no explanations!
In Peace and Love,
George
Hello Everybody,
I hope everybody is doing well. I wanted to write a little bit about abundance and scarcity. Everything in our lives is guided by our thoughts and abundance and scarcity are no different. We may not give much notice to how we think about these things, but when we do, we find the clues to how we look at life. How we look at life shapes everything we do from how we live to how we spend, to how we save, or even if we think we can have something.
There are those that can only see the cup half empty and those that can see the cup half full, and then there are those that realize they are the cup! This can be quite enlightening for some who have always gone about with a negative bend on things. These people literally cannot see that they can have more of whatever it is they seek. They have learned that they can't have it or worst yet, don't deserve it. These are the ones we see who cannot even imagine that things can be any different than they are at present. Just try and change their minds and they will tell you how bad it is, and how you're crazy for even thinking it can be better. These people will never have any more than what they settle for and usually it is not much.
There are also those who truly "say" they want more out of life or "say" they believe that life can be abundant but don't act in accordance with this belief. They have been conditioned to believe that life is hard and that one must work hard for more of anything. They say they want a better lifestyle yet they still do the same old thing. They don't save anything, they don't see how they could posssilby take a vacation etc. But to talk to these people they will tell you they want more and are willing to do anything it takes, but really only if it does not change their current belief system.
There are also those who truly live an abundant lifestyle and living an abundant lifestyle is different from living a lavish lifestyle. It is a frame of mind, not a dollar amount. I've known plenty of people with lots of money that I would not call abundant by any stretch of the imagination. Abundance is living a life on purpose with the graciousness of knowing that we have everything we need. How do we do this you ask. Well first we acknowledge that we have an awesome life and that we have everything we need. We become grateful for all that we do have and allow for more to come in by having an "attitude of gratitude." This allows more to come into our life. When we appreciate what we have The Universe rewards us with more, but when we hold onto what little we think there is and cling to it with desperation, we create more of the same.
We must learn that not only is the cup half full, but that we are the cup. We can hold more than we even know and can expand and retract to allow for everything we want and need. If we start to become aware to all that we already have, we will find that we already have an abundant life.
In Peace and Love,
George
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Hello Everybody,
Today I would like to write about the spiritual lives of children. I know many of us may not give this much thought, but children in my opinion come with their own spiritual life right from their creator and I don't mean us their parents. They seem to have a knowledge of things that grown-ups strive their entire lives to attain.
Children have this naturally and if we take the time to really listen to what they say we will be amazed. My daughter who is such a blessing in many ways continues to just blow me away. The other day she told my wife and I while we were all eating dinner that, "she chose us as parents because she knew we really wanted a girl and that we would love her so much." My heart just burst and I wanted to ask so many more questions, but I've learned to stay cool and to just wait.
Me: "Oh sweetie you chose us...?"
Daughter: "Yep, I knew you were going to be real nice to me."
Me: "How did you get to choose?"
Daugther: "From the treehouse."
Now the treehouse would take a long time to explain, but basically it's where she grew up before she was with us, and of course she had different parents. Sound a little strange if not like a past life? Now I've worked with many many children and I have pretty good ways of telling when a child is just plain fabricating or creating, but what is interesting when she tells this story is the consistency and maturity with which it's told. So back to the questions.
Me: "Sweetie you could see us before you were born?"
Daughter: "Yeah I knew you would teach me and love me."
Me: "Wow." "I feel so special and glad you chose us!" "We do love you so much." "And I really did want a girl but never told anybody."
Daughter: "I know." "I love you Mom and Dad."
Both: "We love you too."
Now this may sound just plain crazy to some, but my daughter shares insights like this all the time. Now I shake my head and go where did you get that? She just says she was born knowing. On another occasion she told me, "the light in people's eyes is God." I'm like what? Now that's a great way to say it because the eyes have been compared to the windows to the soul. But the light is God! This is so perfect because the word enthusiasm comes from the Greek meaning "God Within" or "Filled with God." I'm blown away. At first I used to interrogate her to see where she gets this stuff, but she would tell me that she just thought of it, or she just knew. The other thing is that she is with me most of the time as I home school her. I mean she's four and has been saying this stuff since she was like three.
There was another time when she asked about the states and how many there were to which I answered "fifty." I asked "Why?" because I'm always thinking it's a trick question with my daughter. To which she replied, "Oh because that's how many gods there are in the world." I reply "there are fifty gods?" My daughter replies, "yep, there is one for every state." I reply, "each state has their own god?" My daughter, "actually God is everywhere all the time." My jaw just drops and I go "O.K." "So there's not fifty?" My daughter just laughs.
In Peace and Love,
George
Hello Everybody,
I would like to talk to today about the people and relationships that are closest to us and how they may affect us. We may not give much thought to this, but we are likely to be much like the people we most come in contact with. If you predominantly hang around people that bring you down, guess what you're going to feel pretty bad most of the time. Hang around these people long enough and you're going to be seriously depressed
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Hello Everybody,
I've wanting to write a bit about gifted children. I know the term can be very upsetting for many in that all our children our gifted, and I would agree with this point of view. I also am faced with the reality that my daughter is extremely well...GIFTED and TALENTED as it is known in California. I know that labels are not a good thing, but there has to be a way to talk about this without getting people pushed out of shape. I went to a California Homeschoolers Network Conference last year and for the first time was able to say yes my daughter is definitely gifted. She is well advanced for her four years
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Hello Everybody,
I wanted to write a little about finding our life's purpose. Unless we figure out what we were put on this earth to do, we can never be truly happy or successful. We all have a gift or what Jack Canfield calls a "core genius." This is the thing that we do better than anybody else and that gives us such joy that we would do it for free. Now the idea is to find this gift that we have that gives us such pleasure that we would do it even if we did not get paid for it
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I have still been trying to wrap my mind around the fact that a student by the name of Cho Seung Hui, age 23 murdered 32 people and wounded 15 others before killing himself. This is such a horrific tragedy and my thoughts and prayers go out to all the families involved in this horrible event. As a marriage and family therapist, life coach, and president of a company that provides parenting to the community, I can not help but think of the implications of somebody such as Cho who had become so estranged from society and so bitter and angry that he felt the need to murder innocent people. My first thought after my sympathy towards the victims is to wonder what kind of childhood someone like Cho had endured. My educated guess is that he was not very close to his family and there was definitely not any attachment. Children don’t just one day wake up and decide they are going to murder a large number of people. This is something that is cumulative and has been seething for many years. Often times, there is a history of abuse, and in Cho’s case there appears to be a history of mental illness. I would like to suggest that somehow Cho is also a victim in this horrific tragedy. I believe that we are seeing the breakdown of so many families and without the proper parenting skills and mental health screenings in the schools we will continue to see such shootings. I have coordinated school based services in the Orange County and Los Angeles County School Districts and I am aware of all the problems that these children face. These events are troubling on many levels, but this is becoming an ongoing trend where children are shooting children. We have a troubled society when this becomes the case. No other time in history do we see children murdering children. I believe this is a symptom to a much deeper cause. Until we start making life better for these children we will continue to see this kind of violence. It really should not come as a surprise when we look at the violent video games, music, and media images that are embedded in the thoughts and minds of our children. Television has become so increasingly violent that there is nothing appropriate for a pre-school child to watch except for public television and home and garden television, and even then they must be supervised lest they fall prey to media advertising that is just as psychologically scarring as some shows. We are a country that glorifies war and holds it up as the answer to all our problems. We are not teaching peace and negotiation, but rather that power comes through the barrel of a gun. I believe that we need to start to work on the things that connect us rather than disconnect us to one another. We need to see how we are alike, rather than different. We have to learn to share and that there is enough for us all in this abundant world. I believe that children ought to be introduced to the outdoors and to learn how to cooperate at an early age. Part of Cho’s motive was revenge. This is right out of the parenting handbook of why children misbehave. Rest assured, I am not minimizing what he did, but rather suggesting that Cho never learned to fit in and cooperate from a young age. He never learned coping skills and problem solving like the rest of his peers. This is huge because so much of our education is based on autonomy, independence and winning. There is nobody teaching cooperation, empathy, and the satisfaction of doing your best. These are noble qualities but they are not being taught in our schools. We put too much emphasis on children being right, perfect, better, and not enough emphasis on allowing the child to become who they might be inside. This all causes undo stress and creates a false sense of self that is not connected to the child’s reality at all. Most children do not feel good about themselves and don’t have enough self-esteem to dress, act, and be exactly who they want to be. We don’t reward that in our society, instead we want our children to fit in and to be molded into something we can look at and understand. We need to provide role-models for our children who have good core values. We also need to be those role-models for our children. We after all, are their first and best teachers. I know that many people became very angry at the media for giving him any airtime as they thought it was giving him exactly what he wanted, but I believe we are a society in denial. We don’t want to look at this person, who was also a senior at Virginia Tech. We want to remember the victims of the shooting, but I would hope that we as a society do not deny this and pretend it didn’t happen, because that is exactly what will bring the next person to do the same thing. We need more programs that mentor and coach students. It is one of the most stressful times for young adults. Often times, being away from home for the first time, without any parental authority, and many influences. Students often have to navigate their way around large campuses without little or no support. It may also be the first time they are in charge of their own finances and time management. This may seem like a vacation from afar, but it can be one of the most anxiety provoking situations for students. I believe coaching or mentoring programs with skilled mental health screeners would be very effective. I know there is a company that is offering services like this to a college in Orange County, but it is needed in all universities. I know that once the shock wears off that people will get very angry at Cho and his family and maybe even the administration, and the media, but I would like us to remember that he too was once a child and had needs and my question would be, “Did he get his needs met as a child?” If he had a healthy attachment, then he would have been a different person. We can scoff all we want about all this new-aged parenting philosophy but really what is going on is a return to what we once knew. That children must be given attention by their caregivers. They must be nurtured, loved, and respected. They must be treated as if they were a gift from God. We cannot continue to treat them in such a manner as to reinforce their powerlessness in our society or else we can expect more of the same. We cannot continue to do the same things over and over and expect different results. This is the definition for insanity. Until we change our thinking, parenting, lifestyles, and our legislation, this will continue to happen. We must learn to honor our children and learn from them. They are the closest vessel we have to God and his perfection. Children are not born mass murders! They are born perfect!
Hello Everybody,
I just noticed that my other blog the Parents Precinct has been removed from me. I assume it is for not writing enough. I thought it best to post with wild abandon to prevent the same from happening to this blog. I do want to touch on what has been going around and lately coined as the Law of Attraction. Since the airing of The Secret there is been a lot of talk about the Law of Attraction. It has been known by different names over the years, and the basic premise is that like attracts like. If we are thinking good thoughts we will attract good things into our lives. Another way to think about this is that which we focus on increases. If we focus on positive thoughts then we will bring to us positive outcomes. In the same manner, if we focus on negative thoughts we will attract negative outcomes. While this is a very simplified version of the LOA, it does have a poweful effect
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I am glad to report since my last blog entry that certain spiritual teachers have removed their name from a certain affiliate program that claims to give you the secret to getting rich. It only shows the integrity and substance of this person. I believe there is a lot going on right now and it is easy to get caught in the wave of the money that is flowing through the use of these spiritual principles. I would like to address that successful people throughout history have used some kind of spiritual principles to guide their thinking. I believe that there are plenty of principles to guide us in the right direction, but that we must also be aligned with our purpose and this goes to the heart of our values. My fear with people buying all the books and “secrets” to getting rich is that we must truly know ourselves and what we are made of to attain anything of any great value. To go out and try to manifest something like a million dollars without knowing why we want the money is useless and futile and will only lead to misery and not happiness. Too often we believe that money is the answer to all our problems when in reality it is only a symptom to deeper problems we may be facing. All that we see on the outside of us is but thoughts of things that we have imagined before. We can think of thoughts as causes and all that surrounds us as effects. Everything that surrounds us is something we have either created with our thoughts or allowed to happen. Think about this for awhile and you will soon see how we are responsible for our entire lives. This is a very important concept that I would like for people to understand because it is so powerful. It is also important to manifest or realize any goal for the simple reason that we are truly the creators of our lives. The reason behind this thought is this: If we truly believe and understand that we have created, by our thoughts the life that we currently have, we also understand that we have the power to undo it, re-create it, tear it down, and re-build it at will. This is difficult for some people to understand so I will state it another way. Everything that we have around us, for example the people, pets, cars, furniture, books, television, you name it is a direct result of our own (choice) of thoughts. We can choose the thoughts we think. Unless of course we are on automatic pilot as many people are in the world. We thought, hey I’m going to purchase that big screen TV, car, or hey I’m going to marry so and so, it was our decision. We created our life just as it is and we are totally responsible for all of its wonderfulness or not. We may be thinking, “Hey I didn’t choose to work in this crummy job.” It may seem like that at first, but upon further investigation we find, nobody is making us do anything. You could walk out of your job right this moment and never look back if you wanted! There is nothing holding you back. No handcuffs, not ropes, nor chains, just your own thinking. Now mind you there will be CONSEQUENCES. There are consequences for all of our thoughts and actions. Some of these we label GOOD and some BAD, but there is nothing stopping us. We either create the life we want for ourselves or we let it happen to us by default. Living a life by default is not being an active participant. If we are not happy with our results in our life, we must begin to change our thinking. We must take full responsibility for our life there is nobody to blame. There is no outside person, including our spouse, boss, friend, job, government, country, world to blame! Nobody to blame whatsoever because we know we are the conscious creators of our life. This is a very powerful principle because to know this is to be very powerful. This means nobody from the outside can dictate what you will think or feel. Understand this and you are well on your way to manifesting anything you want in your life. You will know the true secret of attaining what you want. Your power will come from within yourself and when you start to make those changes that are in your best interest you will start to attract those that are exactly like yourself. You will free yourself of the need to find approval from the outside or in what others would have for you and find what you would want for yourself. When you dictate to the world what you would have then the world responds and it is yours for the taking. Now mind you, if you have not thought this way before, it will take some time to get used to the idea that you are in control of your life, but start small with taking responsibility for things in your life. Take responsibility for the desirable and the not so desirable. You created it! If there is something you don’t like, own that you created it and that you too can think differently to change it. Try this for a while and watch your personal power grow!
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Comment by George
on Dick Cheney on the DC Madam list!