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Funniest Thing - by Tracie Jarvis - The Power of Talk

Funniest Thing - March 2007

School Advice

March 10th 2007 03:09
Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice.

(Allegedly) Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.


Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.


Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.


Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.


If you agree, pass it on.
If you can read this - Thank a teacher!?


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HOUSECLEANING

March 10th 2007 03:05
MY PHILOSOPHY OF HOUSECLEANING!


I don't do windows
I because ...

I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.


I don't wax floors because ...

I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible ( plus they may sue me.)


I don't mind the dust bunnies because ...

They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.



I don't disturb cobwebs because .

I want every creature to have a home of their own.



I don't Spring Clean
because .

I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous



I don't pull weeds
in the garden because ..

I don't want to get in God's way, HE is an excellent designer!



I don't put things away because ...

My husband will never be able to find them again.


I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because .

I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.


I don't iron because

I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".


I don't stress much on anything because .

"A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!





REMEMBER . . . .
A CLEAN HOUSE IS A SIGN OF A BROKEN COMPUTER






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WIFE VS HUSBAND

March 2nd 2007 02:06
WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word..
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."





W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"




C R E A T I O N
CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!



WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"



THE SILENT TREATMENT


A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man
realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men
are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

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