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First Time Mum - by Aimzster

I knew going back to work full-time would be a struggle – only because the thought of parting from my son after six and a half months of being tied together at the hip (at times, literally) was unbearable. I had a vision of me in my work clothes tearfully saying goodbye to my son who would also be tearfully reaching out for me and, somehow, already so well advanced, he would be warbling, “Mama, no leave”. And as my maternity leave came to an end, I cursed the huge mortgage, the stupid black cat who would only give away millions to a lucky few, and even Paris Hilton who could well afford to part with some of her millions but choose not to.

But what I didn’t realise that going back to work full-time is like being catapulted back to those first days of being a first-time mum where everything was just a grey blur.

Working mum
Work and a baby - a juggling act


First up is the lack of food. Having no time for grocery shopping or cooking, hubby and I have been rummaging the pantry and snacking on olives, peanut butter and old wedding chocolates, going to the fridge every so often in the hope that cooked food would magically appear out of thin air (and maybe even arranging itself on the dining table) or hoping that in that little corner of the freezer would be a hidden compartment with a frozen casserole. Discovering there was none of that, it was back to frozen meals and junk food drive-thrus, ordering enough so we could have the leftovers the next day.

Second is living like a hermit again and ignoring phone calls and social outings. With only 45 minutes in the morning and 1 hour at night spent with bub on weekdays, weekends become sacred that I resent the thought of going over to families’ houses and sharing bub’s attention.

Third is not finding suitable clothes to go out in. During the first several weeks, this was due to not being able to fit into my maternity clothes and my pre-pregnant clothes, limiting my options down to about 3 dresses. But these days, I can’t seem to find any clothes that bub hasn’t spewed and left a stain on.

Fourth is the brain freeze or as my friend would call it, ‘the return of the placenta brain’. Just when you think you’ve regained your memory and can actually tell your right from your left (resulting in your hubby having confidence to let you drive down the street on your own), your hectic schedule wipes out what little brain you had regained and you’re back to wondering how to add two and two together. And staring at the train ticket machine, wondering why it won’t accept your $50 note for a $30 ticket and stupidly staring at the writing scrolling across, “This machine will not accept notes if the change amount is more than $19.90”.

Fifth and most important of all, the return of the four-hour sleep. For some reason, bub seems to realise the change around him and is none too happy with it, so he’s been waking up more than usual at night, only settling once you’re fully awake and can’t go back to sleep yourself. As a result, you’re tired and cranky by the time you get up for work and just want to snarl at the whole world – except, ironically, at your little bub who lets out a giggle when he sees you first thing, unaware he’s the reason for your foul mood.

So, what was your experience as first-time mum returning to work full-time?
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Your arm is sore from the constant patting and rocking, you’re exhausted, frustrated and fighting the urge to cry yourself. You don’t understand why your baby just won’t sleep even though he’s tired. Below are some settling techniques mums resort to when their babies won’t settle -

crying baby
'Oh, will you go to sleep already!?!'


Dummies
Some mothers claim that the use of dummies is a quick-fix for those mums who just don’t bother. Many books look at dummies as a prop and discourage the use of them, claiming sleep association. I originally thought the same but changed my mind after endless hours of patting, rocking and pacing to keep my sanity. But I’m careful to limit the dummy to sleep only – of course, I may change my mind once bub starts learning the effectiveness of tantrum-chucking in supermarkets.

White Noise
Babies, in mothers’ wombs are exposed to all sorts of noises so don’t be surprised if your bub becomes unsettled when all is quiet. Bubs like white noise, the kind a vacuum, washing machine, the purring of the car engine makes or even the static you get in between changing radio stations. But I came across a white noise gem called Sounds for Silence. It has 6 white noise tracks that help settle babies to sleep and 7 Mozart tracks for feed and/or play times. It doesn’t always work but usually, now when I put the CD on, bub knows what to expect.

Swaddling
Swaddling duplicates the warm, snug feeling babies experience in their mothers’ womb and it’s one of the first things midwives teach you. It’s not for all babies but for most, they can’t sleep without being swaddled and is sometimes the secret to a long night’s sleep. However, it’s recommended to stop swaddling once the baby learns to roll over.

Swings/Bouncers
When you were pregnant, did you ever wonder why your baby never kicked when you walked? Apparently, this motion lulled them to sleep so it’s no surprise that putting them in a swing and/or bouncer does the same thing. Doesn’t work for my son, unfortunately.

Taking them for a walk
They may get preoccupied with the trees overhead which to them are gigantic green mobiles but the rocking and swaying of being walked in a stroller or, better yet, in a carrier close to where they can hear your heartbeat, settles bub enough to sleep. I remember the first three weeks, I’d walk twent minutes to the shop and back in the summer heat, exhausted, just so my bub can get at least one sleep cycle.

Driving
The hum of the car engine, snug, comfortable and warm in the carseat have newborns almost instantly sleeping. I remember when my hubby would take bub out for a drive between 7pm and 11pm, just so I could get some sleep too.

Feeding to sleep
Many people frown upon this but a lot of mums swear by this when it comes to settling a crying baby. Babies love to feed, especially when breastfed. Warm and cuddled up next to their mother’s heartbeat, not to mention the rhythmic sucking, have many babies falling asleep at the breast.

Co-sleeping
Like feeding to sleep and dummy, many are against co-sleeping but again, I’ve heard of several mothers who can’t function without co-sleeping with their babies and who swear their babies thrive and sleep better on being close to their mothers.

What technique do you use to settle your crying baby?
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You’ve all heard the saying – it costs $10,000 a year to raise a child. With tuition fees, school books, school uniforms, allowances, extra curricular activities, additional costs on electricity, water, gas, groceries...

dollar sign

But is this figure accurate?

Associate Professor of Economics and Finance at Curtin University of Technology, Michael Dockery, disagrees. "People now believe they'll be millions of dollars out of pocket if they have children," he says. "It's nonsense."

Based on his study of 3168 couples, when comparing the net wealth of parents and couples without children, the parents were only marginally ‘worse off’ with an additional expense of $1300 per child per year – a far cry from the original figure of $10,000.

I remember the ‘91-‘92 recession. After my dad got laid, our family of six relied on my mother’s gross annual income of $30,000 and Austudy. Granted, eating out was a rarity, reserved for birthdays (and even then, it was to Pizza Hut All You Can Eat Bar), we made a point of only buying No Name brands at Franklins, lunches were simple cheese sandwiches, and new clothes came in the form of second-hands from cousin Michael. Even then, there is no way our family could have survived if the cost of raising each child was, say $5000 (taking into account the cost of living back then was half of what it is now).

On the other hand, I don’t think it’s as little as $1300 a year.

Admittedly, I was apprehensive about the costs of raising children when I was pregnant and almost worried myself sick when talk of the economic crisis started surfacing. But as parents with children have told me and what I learnt from my mum, where it concerns children, priorities change and you simply make do – whether they cost $10,000 or $1,300 a year.

What do you think? Were the costs of having children as high you thought?
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A fellow mother of two in my mothers’ group who was once a high-strung, sleep-loving control freak, recently confessed that she’s a bad mother. This was followed with a shrug and an unabashed smile before wolfing down a plate of bacon and eggs as her three-month old daughter slept peacefully nearby. Apparently, she feeds her baby in her cot (despite the insistence of nurses everywhere re the importance of bonding during feeding), she doesn’t discard any leftover formula feeds but puts them back in the fridge to be used for the next feed and she enforces no routines. She figured with two children that she can afford to run by the saying, “Mothers do what they have to do.”

Whether or not the other mums were judging her and silently agreeing that she was indeed a bad mother through their polite smiles, all I could think about was “Hurrah! There is light at the end of the tunnel!” and that in all likelihood (and with much fervent hope), I’ll learn not to run around like a headless chook when (or in some agitated cases, if) my second child comes around


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One thing I think about as I wear the carpet between my room and the nursery is whether I, and the rest of the household for that matter, would be better off just sneaking the bub into bed with me instead of trudging up and down the hall every twenty minutes in the wee hours of the morning. This way, hubby won’t find me bawling along with bub at 4.20am, wailing, “I can’t do this anymore” and we can all get extra hours of sleep.

Baby co-sleeping is a controversial topic. According to Babywise (by Ezzo & Bucknam), the most serious problems they encountered are associated with parents and babies who co-sleep and that co-sleeping actually prevents a good night’s sleep with the babies growing up to have sleep problems including night walking. Furthermore, US Consumer Protect Safety Commission issued a report claiming that co-sleeping with your baby puts them at risk for suffocation and strangulation. The seven-year study tracked deaths of over 500 infants due to parent overlay and co-sleeping with infants


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A mother with no maternal instincts?

February 5th 2009 00:10
When other mothers urge me to trust my maternal instincts, I have to laugh. The kind of laugh you’d give if someone solemnly told you, hand over heart, that George W Bush was a terrific president.

You see, all my instincts, maternal or otherwise, ran away from my control freak of a mind ages ago. I thought they may merely be buried within the depths of my over-analytical mind and would re-surface once the bub came out, but nope. Ten weeks on and I’m still looking to my husband to tell me if bub is crying out of hunger or needs to fart. So when I’m told not to worry, from the community nurses to the fellow mothers on the parenting forums I’ve inundated with questions, because mothers know best, I mentally count the number of items I’d half-jokingly suggested to hubby to give bub up for adoption


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Things a First-Time Mum should know

January 20th 2009 09:26
I’ve been a control freak for as long as I can remember. I thrive on everyday to do lists which can include something as mundane as ‘eat fruit’ or ‘pluck eyebrows’. I didn’t realise I was a stickler for time and expected everyone else to be the same until my sister called up last Christmas Eve tearfully apologetic because she was going to be ten minutes late, prompting me to ask the rest of my family, “Am I really that bad?” and the answer was a resounding, “YES!”. I hate picnics in the park because I’m scared of accidentally sitting on poo and, as someone with sleeping problems, I cherish my 8 hour sleeps whenever I can get them. So when I became pregnant, everyone from my mum to the guy who mows the lawn (whose ‘midday’ could be anytime between 10am to 2pm) wondered how someone like me could cope with having a baby – especially as a pregnant woman, I almost took a two-by-four to hit someone’s headlights with. And the answer would be : like a deflated ball being rammed repeatedly against a brick wall by a pissing, pooing bowling ball with flailing arms and legs and a cry that would make you want to cut your ears off.

I don’t have many friends who are mothers and those who are had nothing to say to me but what a blessing children truly are, these little angels who grow up so quickly that you’ll miss those early years of cuddling them close and kissing them all over their rosy, chubby cheeks. Whether their babies really were little angels who barely cried and fussed and resembled nothing more than plastic dolls, or they were afraid I’d go into labour, protesting, “No, you don’t understand. I want it back IN!”, I wish someone had sat me down and told me the following facts


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