Finger Tip
October 25th 2008 06:07
We dont give our fingertips their due.
Especially when theyre smashing into hard souless keys, clicking insessantly at us...Dont you miss writing? Real writing? Where the pen or pencil digs into the page and sometimes, when you're really into it, that sharp nib just rips the fucking paper open like the belly of prey? That scratching sound, so much more potent than the sound of a keyboard...
My fingertips are over used. I certainly dont thank them enough for feeling all they feel. Theyre so useful really, when Im doing fine work.
But I dont thank them. Because fingertips remember.
Fingertips remember much better than a brain does. Of course some of you out there might think that it is, actually the brain that remembers, and transmits the memory to your fingertips. But thats really obscure. Especially when its your fingertips themselves that are singing with the feel of skin...
Skin you should have forgotten a long time ago.
All parts of the body remember. Hair roots remember being pulled out. The fragile inner thigh remembering the sting of fire. A cheek suddenly throbbing with the memory of knuckles. They were onto something with the Matrix. Pity they fucked the story up. Three times is never the charm for hollywood.
And when I mention it....To a soul that professes to be trustworthy but is in actual fact just using my opening trust as a way to opening my legs, they say, always the same thing.
"Torture?"
But toture, specifically, refers to restraint...Doesnt it? Hold on, I need a dictionary.
Here we go. The concise oxford dictionary of current english....Printed in 1944....(does any writer have a current dictionary? Or did we all find them under our parents coffee tables?) Anyway, its defined here as,
"Torture: Infliction of severe bodily pain, eg as punishment or means of persuasion" Theres more, but its all in that OldSpeak and I cant decipher it. I'll have to try Wiki. BUT,
Yeah, ok, so the infliction of bodily pain...It wasnt always severe....As a punishment? I know what I was being punished for, in his mind, but to me, it was just punishment. I deserve it, and if we stick around long enough and I get high enough I might just tell you why. But persuasion...Thats a hard one. Usually the torture persuasion is about Truth. Tell the Truth. I cant abide lying. But Ah! I did lie to him. To his face. Looking into his eyes. Why not? He was doing it to me. So, perhaps he was torturing me for Truth....He's gonna get it, one day, thats for sure. But if thats the theme, shouldnt there be questions instead of screaming laughter? Constant hammering questions that I can hang onto and try to answer so Ive got a thread of sanity rather than just senseless howling and embarassing phrases like 'Please stop' and 'Dont'.
'Please'. Your parents always said to say please. Its polite, and you will get what you ask for if you say please. They should have included the clause that if its 'Please Stop' generally the only answer you get is an enthusiatic and sharp increase in the pain. Along with some taunting, "What was that bitch? Please stop? Stop what? This? Do you really think I give a fuck if you say please?"
But torture strongly implies prey and predator, one run down by the other. What if the one in chains isnt actually the prey? What if its laughing in those chains, because really, its playing with its prey? The predator knows that eventually, the chains will come off, and the prey, while it had fun pretending to be the predator, is really going to grovel on its fucking belly and beg, beg and beg and BEG for the predator to do those things that only it can do.
And once they part, the predator begins its torture. Of the mental kind. To me its like crying wolf. Its why I dont talk about it. You cant go running to the cops saying 'rape, rape' when they have video of you smiling when they chained you down. So what if they changed the rules after the chains were on - like the cops have time to try and believe or understand that. One of the dear Orblers on this site had a stalker in her house and the cops laughed at her. I can just imagine how my story would sound.
And theres also types of rape. The only politically correct rape there is is if a girl (with her top button done up and her ankles covered) is coersed and tricked and gang raped by 20 lebos who taped it on their mobile phone. All the other ones werent really rapes. Date raped? You're a slut that shouldnt have been there. Raped by a friend or boyfriend? Thats not rape - you should have satisfied your man. If your with your boyfriend and he's got you tied up then says with a wicked smile, "I brought a friend with me this time...." Whoever you tell is quick to point out - "But hey. Werent you fucking them both anyway? You always wanted to try bondage, was it fun?"
Even the sweet, caring guy Im with now tortures me. I beg him to. Im bad, Im a naughty, naughty girl and I always have been. My eyes and my fingertips wander. Just recently my fingertips were wandering all over an older guy. Attention from guys is like an addiction, a drug for me. I just cant say no when they say Im sexy. I have to fuck them just as a thankyou. Its made hard by having a big jealous type boyfriend....I cant just have all these quick fucks around town. But when I say no, guys hear yes, so that leads to torture and restraint all over again...That last time, I was really fucking lucky. Why do I trust males at all with my track record? Still I did. I bought into it. It was too close for comfort. And this guy was a lot smarter than my ex. It could have got ugly. He might have wanted to shut me up. Lucky it didnt come to that, but I saw the violence in his eyes.....I was more lucky than usual. Damn my addiction for playing with fire!
And my skin has to bear so many fingetip impressions, so many skins to remember...I swear, Id file the traitorous bastards off if I didnt need them so badly.
Especially when theyre smashing into hard souless keys, clicking insessantly at us...Dont you miss writing? Real writing? Where the pen or pencil digs into the page and sometimes, when you're really into it, that sharp nib just rips the fucking paper open like the belly of prey? That scratching sound, so much more potent than the sound of a keyboard...
My fingertips are over used. I certainly dont thank them enough for feeling all they feel. Theyre so useful really, when Im doing fine work.
But I dont thank them. Because fingertips remember.
Fingertips remember much better than a brain does. Of course some of you out there might think that it is, actually the brain that remembers, and transmits the memory to your fingertips. But thats really obscure. Especially when its your fingertips themselves that are singing with the feel of skin...
Skin you should have forgotten a long time ago.
All parts of the body remember. Hair roots remember being pulled out. The fragile inner thigh remembering the sting of fire. A cheek suddenly throbbing with the memory of knuckles. They were onto something with the Matrix. Pity they fucked the story up. Three times is never the charm for hollywood.
And when I mention it....To a soul that professes to be trustworthy but is in actual fact just using my opening trust as a way to opening my legs, they say, always the same thing.
"Torture?"
But toture, specifically, refers to restraint...Doesnt it? Hold on, I need a dictionary.
Here we go. The concise oxford dictionary of current english....Printed in 1944....(does any writer have a current dictionary? Or did we all find them under our parents coffee tables?) Anyway, its defined here as,
"Torture: Infliction of severe bodily pain, eg as punishment or means of persuasion" Theres more, but its all in that OldSpeak and I cant decipher it. I'll have to try Wiki. BUT,
Yeah, ok, so the infliction of bodily pain...It wasnt always severe....As a punishment? I know what I was being punished for, in his mind, but to me, it was just punishment. I deserve it, and if we stick around long enough and I get high enough I might just tell you why. But persuasion...Thats a hard one. Usually the torture persuasion is about Truth. Tell the Truth. I cant abide lying. But Ah! I did lie to him. To his face. Looking into his eyes. Why not? He was doing it to me. So, perhaps he was torturing me for Truth....He's gonna get it, one day, thats for sure. But if thats the theme, shouldnt there be questions instead of screaming laughter? Constant hammering questions that I can hang onto and try to answer so Ive got a thread of sanity rather than just senseless howling and embarassing phrases like 'Please stop' and 'Dont'.
'Please'. Your parents always said to say please. Its polite, and you will get what you ask for if you say please. They should have included the clause that if its 'Please Stop' generally the only answer you get is an enthusiatic and sharp increase in the pain. Along with some taunting, "What was that bitch? Please stop? Stop what? This? Do you really think I give a fuck if you say please?"
But torture strongly implies prey and predator, one run down by the other. What if the one in chains isnt actually the prey? What if its laughing in those chains, because really, its playing with its prey? The predator knows that eventually, the chains will come off, and the prey, while it had fun pretending to be the predator, is really going to grovel on its fucking belly and beg, beg and beg and BEG for the predator to do those things that only it can do.
And once they part, the predator begins its torture. Of the mental kind. To me its like crying wolf. Its why I dont talk about it. You cant go running to the cops saying 'rape, rape' when they have video of you smiling when they chained you down. So what if they changed the rules after the chains were on - like the cops have time to try and believe or understand that. One of the dear Orblers on this site had a stalker in her house and the cops laughed at her. I can just imagine how my story would sound.
And theres also types of rape. The only politically correct rape there is is if a girl (with her top button done up and her ankles covered) is coersed and tricked and gang raped by 20 lebos who taped it on their mobile phone. All the other ones werent really rapes. Date raped? You're a slut that shouldnt have been there. Raped by a friend or boyfriend? Thats not rape - you should have satisfied your man. If your with your boyfriend and he's got you tied up then says with a wicked smile, "I brought a friend with me this time...." Whoever you tell is quick to point out - "But hey. Werent you fucking them both anyway? You always wanted to try bondage, was it fun?"
Even the sweet, caring guy Im with now tortures me. I beg him to. Im bad, Im a naughty, naughty girl and I always have been. My eyes and my fingertips wander. Just recently my fingertips were wandering all over an older guy. Attention from guys is like an addiction, a drug for me. I just cant say no when they say Im sexy. I have to fuck them just as a thankyou. Its made hard by having a big jealous type boyfriend....I cant just have all these quick fucks around town. But when I say no, guys hear yes, so that leads to torture and restraint all over again...That last time, I was really fucking lucky. Why do I trust males at all with my track record? Still I did. I bought into it. It was too close for comfort. And this guy was a lot smarter than my ex. It could have got ugly. He might have wanted to shut me up. Lucky it didnt come to that, but I saw the violence in his eyes.....I was more lucky than usual. Damn my addiction for playing with fire!
And my skin has to bear so many fingetip impressions, so many skins to remember...I swear, Id file the traitorous bastards off if I didnt need them so badly.
| 10 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
