Kristin WolgemuthFeeding Myself Fat
May 9th 2009 09:36
Eating is a tricky thing. We all like to eat when we’re hungry, but there are other times we indulge when we’re not hungry at all. Most of the time, this is referred to as emotional eating. I recently read an article that said you had to learn what “your fat is trying to tell you” by writing a “fat dialogue.” I decided to give this a try.
First of all, I do eat when I’m hungry. I also eat when I’m bored, lonely, or feeling like there’s no way I’m going to lose weight anyway. I get discouraged, and then I find comfort in food. So, I’m an emotional eater. I have to find ways to distract myself, keep myself busy, do things that need done. A lot of times when I don’t feel like doing anything, I get bored, watch TV, and then end up eating something. That’s not to say that I cannot watch television without eating. I do it all the time. I suppose it depends on how interested I really am in what I’m looking at.
When I’m lonely, I take solace in the fact that food is always there. I can eat myself happy and pretend I’m not lonely anymore. This is a surefire trap for gaining weight. I don’t work full-time, and I write a lot, so I’m often sitting around by myself. I try to get to the gym almost every day, and I talk to my husband on the phone, but I still get lonesome. I need to do more things with my friends, but they work and/or have kids. I don’t have either thing to contend with, except a part-time job.
There are many times when I do get seriously discouraged. I know that going to the gym has changed my body, because my clothes are fitting differently. The problem is that the scale is not going down. I want to see that number move! Yes, the point is to get healthy and in shape, but how can I do that with this extra tire around my middle? I have exercised 3-6 days (usually 5) a week for almost 4 months now with no weight loss. Oh, wait- there was that pound. Yes, one whole pound. I also have thyroid disease (hypoactive), which makes losing weight even more difficult.
So anyway, back to my fat dialogue. I like that my outside matches how I feel inside- ugly (yes, I’m a bit depressed). Although I would probably feel better about myself if I liked how I looked. There’s the catch. My fat dialogue also tells me that I can blame low self-esteem on not wanting to be intimate with my husband. He says he still thinks I’m sexy, but I don’t feel like I am, so self-loathing is my scapegoat. I tell myself I liked sex when I was skinny, and I have to be skinny again to enjoy it. Well, that’s not really the case. God made us to enjoy each other in marriage, so why am I holding back? I’m still attracted to my husband. Hmmm….
I think my fat dialogue needs to shut up. It’s not doing me much good. Oh, no, I guess it is. It’s made me aware of what’s wrong. I should eat for energy, not because I’m bored or lonely. I should eat food because it tastes good and satisfies my hunger. I should enjoy life now just as I am, because I am an attractive person (sorry if that sounds conceited). The point is, I’m too hard on myself. I would never be like this to one of my friends, so why not be nicer to myself?
First of all, I do eat when I’m hungry. I also eat when I’m bored, lonely, or feeling like there’s no way I’m going to lose weight anyway. I get discouraged, and then I find comfort in food. So, I’m an emotional eater. I have to find ways to distract myself, keep myself busy, do things that need done. A lot of times when I don’t feel like doing anything, I get bored, watch TV, and then end up eating something. That’s not to say that I cannot watch television without eating. I do it all the time. I suppose it depends on how interested I really am in what I’m looking at.
When I’m lonely, I take solace in the fact that food is always there. I can eat myself happy and pretend I’m not lonely anymore. This is a surefire trap for gaining weight. I don’t work full-time, and I write a lot, so I’m often sitting around by myself. I try to get to the gym almost every day, and I talk to my husband on the phone, but I still get lonesome. I need to do more things with my friends, but they work and/or have kids. I don’t have either thing to contend with, except a part-time job.
There are many times when I do get seriously discouraged. I know that going to the gym has changed my body, because my clothes are fitting differently. The problem is that the scale is not going down. I want to see that number move! Yes, the point is to get healthy and in shape, but how can I do that with this extra tire around my middle? I have exercised 3-6 days (usually 5) a week for almost 4 months now with no weight loss. Oh, wait- there was that pound. Yes, one whole pound. I also have thyroid disease (hypoactive), which makes losing weight even more difficult.
So anyway, back to my fat dialogue. I like that my outside matches how I feel inside- ugly (yes, I’m a bit depressed). Although I would probably feel better about myself if I liked how I looked. There’s the catch. My fat dialogue also tells me that I can blame low self-esteem on not wanting to be intimate with my husband. He says he still thinks I’m sexy, but I don’t feel like I am, so self-loathing is my scapegoat. I tell myself I liked sex when I was skinny, and I have to be skinny again to enjoy it. Well, that’s not really the case. God made us to enjoy each other in marriage, so why am I holding back? I’m still attracted to my husband. Hmmm….
I think my fat dialogue needs to shut up. It’s not doing me much good. Oh, no, I guess it is. It’s made me aware of what’s wrong. I should eat for energy, not because I’m bored or lonely. I should eat food because it tastes good and satisfies my hunger. I should enjoy life now just as I am, because I am an attractive person (sorry if that sounds conceited). The point is, I’m too hard on myself. I would never be like this to one of my friends, so why not be nicer to myself?
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Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
You may find some help/solace from one of my blogs, I'm not sure. I feel I am with you in this. A lot of what you have written has echoes for me, from the time when I was unhappy with my weight.
I'm over that now, having achieved the weight I wanted to achieve.
One thing that is important for you to realise is that if you are exercising, you are putting on muscle as you burn up fat, and fat weighs more than fat. The important thing is how your clothes feel, are they fitting better now?
Anyway, check out my blog, and contact me if you feel you could do with someone to listen to.
Comment by Kristin Wolgemuth
Poetry Lighthouse
What's in a word
Time to Get Up Club