Fear
July 19th 2007 01:15
On again about the hospital, sorry - it's kind of consuming right now. And still out of order.
Despite the fact that I know the conclusion of the investigation and what will happen to him, I am still anxiety ridden. I need to know the end of the entire event. I need to have the investigative report in my hands, to read it and see that people understand what he did was wrong. Having those papers will at least show me that I am believed, that what happened mattered.
Fear - a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
My fear is probably unfounded, but it is the probably that keeps me afraid. Everyone keeps telling me that he has never shown any signs of violence towards me, he never tried to come get me (despite threats) and that any contact with me would just get him in more trouble. I do not know if he cares about more trouble at this point, or if he is smart enough to figure that out. I know that sounds really mean but think about it - he is/was a staff member at a mental hospital, started a 'friendship' with a patient and tried to convincer her to go home with him. That is not smart.
If you 'google' my name, my address pops up. While this entire process is supposed to be anonymous, it's really anything but. Due to the nature of the questions the investigator had to ask him - there was no way he would not know it was me. Questions about things that happened during and after the hospital. Questions about things that I knew about him, and as a patient shouldn't have. Phone conversations and IM's.
He denied it. A written statement denying any and improper all contact with patients at any time. Apparently he was in a state of disbelief when shown proof. Did he really think they (or I) would accuse him without any documentation? He took blame after that, acted real sorry about all of it.
So yes, I am still afraid. I honestly think he will at some point try to contact me in some way. That in and of itself does not scare me. I don't think even seeing him would really scare me too much, I have a lot of questions I'd like answers to. I guess it's just not knowing for sure. I'm sort of scared he'll find this and recognize himself, or worse - one of his kids will see. I am not using any identifying information besides the city I live in.
Despite the fact that I know the conclusion of the investigation and what will happen to him, I am still anxiety ridden. I need to know the end of the entire event. I need to have the investigative report in my hands, to read it and see that people understand what he did was wrong. Having those papers will at least show me that I am believed, that what happened mattered.
Fear - a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
My fear is probably unfounded, but it is the probably that keeps me afraid. Everyone keeps telling me that he has never shown any signs of violence towards me, he never tried to come get me (despite threats) and that any contact with me would just get him in more trouble. I do not know if he cares about more trouble at this point, or if he is smart enough to figure that out. I know that sounds really mean but think about it - he is/was a staff member at a mental hospital, started a 'friendship' with a patient and tried to convincer her to go home with him. That is not smart.
If you 'google' my name, my address pops up. While this entire process is supposed to be anonymous, it's really anything but. Due to the nature of the questions the investigator had to ask him - there was no way he would not know it was me. Questions about things that happened during and after the hospital. Questions about things that I knew about him, and as a patient shouldn't have. Phone conversations and IM's.
He denied it. A written statement denying any and improper all contact with patients at any time. Apparently he was in a state of disbelief when shown proof. Did he really think they (or I) would accuse him without any documentation? He took blame after that, acted real sorry about all of it.
So yes, I am still afraid. I honestly think he will at some point try to contact me in some way. That in and of itself does not scare me. I don't think even seeing him would really scare me too much, I have a lot of questions I'd like answers to. I guess it's just not knowing for sure. I'm sort of scared he'll find this and recognize himself, or worse - one of his kids will see. I am not using any identifying information besides the city I live in.
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