Ever Felt Like Parts Of Your Life Should Be Made Into A Movie Scene? - by The Smelly Gumboot

You tell me? Blonde or not?

November 1st 2006 09:41

If you have read my last two posts you may have asked yourself " Could this woman be a blonde? "

When I was in school I was given a label and it was called Dyslexia.

Now I did struggle at school and I was often left behind. I hated Maths, reading and writing and my spelling was way out the window and I was just not interested in what they were teaching me for the most part.
I am still shocking at spelling as you may or may not of noticed which reminds me........

I had to sit a written test at school for a First Aid Course.
One of the questions were....
" How do you treat a person who is suffering from shock? "

My response was... To make the person comfortable and rape them in a blanket.

When my test came back to me it was marked with a big fat D-
My answer to that question had been circled in red ink and I was then told off in front of the class as the Teacher believed that I was just taking the "piss".
( If I had been taking the "piss" then that would of been quite a clever response really )

Rape was my spelling for wrap.

Now years on and with time and some effort my spelling has improved and I am pleased to say that I love to read. I still have to watch myself though as I can the get the words and letters and numbers for that matter, back to front and all mixed up and some times I just can't spell- just as simple as that!
I am not sure if I am a true Dyslexic and if that is just an easy label to plaster onto some poor kid who just see's and does things differently.

I would say however that I am more of a cluts. But you know what? I enjoy that about me. It can so make me laugh!

I am a verbal cluts and audio too! Oh and not to mention the times that I have fallen ass over end in a public place!

Once I responsed to a newspaper ad asking for volunteers for the "Good Sarmaritans" a phone councelling service.
I rang the number and a woman answered and I could of sworn she said- "Hello, Sing a Prayer. " So in my mind I thought- ( oh this must be a division of the Sarmaritans ) but I continued on and said " Hello, I would like to become a voulnteer. " and the woman said " Pardon me " and I repeated myself to her and added on that " I admire the services that you provide and that I would like to volnteer my time."
The woman on the other end of the line then replied. " I'm sorry but do you realize who you have rung, ah this is Singapore Airlines?

Whoops!!!

Next post ....... Public blunder- Hens Party Mayhem!

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Posted By: The Smelly Gumboot - Category: Movie moment

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Beauty Pageant Horror

October 28th 2006 03:54

Scene #2

Ever Felt Like Parts Of Your Life Should Be Made Into A Movie Scene?

Now I find this an embrarrassing story to tell because I then have to admit that I was a contestant in a pageant.

You see I don't believe that I fall into that sterio type nor at the time did I ever see myself as a self-centred, young, naive bimbo who likes to look in the mirror alot.

It all came about by chance and the fact that I had a Mother who pushed me into it- A part of me was intrigued and the rest of me was really shit scared of what I had got myself into.

Well preparation had begun for the big event....numerous sunbeds, waxing, manicures, primping and preening....you get the picture.

24 young woman, girls really, who would smile at each other but never the less from time to time give you an icy glare to unnerve you or to forewarn you of the glint of the nasty undercurrent of beauty pageant warfair!

Pilimanerary judging had arrived. Let me set the scene.

It is one week out from 'Show Night' and the judges want to view this bunch of hopefulls in their swimwear. It is the middle of winter and on this night the city is in the grips of a rather nasty and chilly, wintery blast.
The building is an converted wharehouse.

The catwalk is ready, the judges seats are empty as we are herded past to the rooms out the back to get changed out of our lovely warm, winter woollies and into our colourful, slinky little bikinis.
The lighting is very poor and the only heating is a tiny 1960's bar heater - 18 inches long that sat low to the floor.

Now that heater looked so good to me and I knew timing was of the essence!
While the others held back in reluctance of the goose bumps to come- I race to change to claim my prized spot.
Now with high heels on and my tiny weany bikni and the hair looking great and the makeup all slapped on, I knelt down on the floor by this cosy warm heater to watch and wait for my to turn to parade before the Judges who to all of our displeasure are running late.

The room is small and the girls begin to crowd with looks of anticipation or for the longing for me to move but I hold fast to this cosy wee heater!

Finally the call up happens and we all have to line up.
The music is pumping, the door to the catwalk opens. Every 20 seconds a girl must strutt. You follow in the foot steps of the girl ahead of you, you reach the end of the runway turn and pose in front of the judges and proceed back and exit........simple.

Here we go....the music is good and it's my turn to strutt. I head to the point that I have to turn and pose. The judges are watching, some smiling, some vagely amused. I look them straight in the eyes. I stop and turn and pose and then just like a blind being pulled across a screen I see thier faces change to one of surprise/ starttlement.
Puzzled but restrained I continue the routine and exit to return to the darkened ice box out the back.

As I had hogged the only heater not wanting to relinquish my precious spot my bladder was telling me to head straight for the ladies loo. Upon entering the well lit room a fellow contest remarked "Oh you are very brave not to cover up your birth mark " and pointed to my leg.

It all fell into place! My heater hogging ploy had got the better of me-
No wonder the judges had looked so shocked!!!
From the length of my hip to just above my knee, right along the side, my skin was a patterned flamming, flush, of purples and reds!

One week later on the pageant show night I was awarded the title:

" Miss Photogenic "

In a way it is bitter sweet.

Was I awarded this trophy due to my beauty and skill or was this tittle given out of sympathy and kindness due to the fact the judges all thought that I had a rather large BLEMISH!

Either way it is a fond giggle!

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Posted By: The Smelly Gumboot - Category: Movie moment

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A Movie Moment

October 27th 2006 00:19

Pick a moment in your life ( and I'm sure you can find one ) when you find yourself living through a situation or cirumstance when you mentally step back for a brief moment in time and think to yourself " How crazy is this " or " This cannot be happening ". There is nothing you can do but go with the flow.

The tale that I'm about to tell is just one of these cirumstances I have been though but it could also be used as a guide for a first time father about to be thrust into the horrors of a delivery room or for a Very Good friend or stranger for that matter who finds themselves launched into a situation beyond their control but you may come out at the end of it all with a chuckle or two! ( Well you hope anyway! )

I have found myself in a few big moments, small ones too, with either a friend or a family member, some good, some bad and some really funny. Times when you think this could be at great scene for a movie. Like the time when my very good friend went into labour with her first child .

Little did we know at the time but her labours only take a little over an hour to happen if that! ( They don't prep you for that in Anti natal class ).

Well she went into labour. We were flatting/renting together at the time. It was very late at night and I was on the phone to her Midwife who got me to do something that only A VERY GOOD friend would do- Something that only a very highly paid Professional should only ever attempt to do- Believe me but I won't go into details about that- But be warned expecting Fathers out there to be prepared for scary Midwives requests!

Anyway I do not drive and did not think to ring for a Ambulance ( as I thought we had plenty of time ) so I rang her parents who didn't live very far away at all.

We find ourselves driving to the hospital with her parents up front going at the high speed of 40km per hour. All is calm........then I say to my friend " You are not pushing are you?" and she responds " No " and then a split second later she burst's forth with " OH MY GOD- I AM! " and it was all on then.

We are now half way to the hospital when it starts to pour with rain and her Mother then say's " Tom turn the car around, Tanya has'nt got her rain coat ".

Well I remained very polite and tried to explain the urgency of it all and Tanya ...well you can forgive a woman who is in labour. So between myself and Tanya's yelling at them we conviced them not to turn around and to please put their foot down - to which they did -be it so by an extra 5km!

We arrive to my relief and I half carry, dragg her inside and lift her on to the bed. I pulled off her pj's and their he popped out- her first born son just like that, five weeks early!

So if you have a tale to tell that you would rather watch at the movies rather than live through it... you know one of those moments be it how big or small then I'm interested to read - post away.....

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Posted By: The Smelly Gumboot - Category: Movie moment

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