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September 18th 2008 04:23
This is supposed to be the perfect girl. She is amazing but I've had better. I actually had better last night.
I’m quitting this blog because I’ve had enough. There is the person I am, the person I want to be and a massive difference. The main problem is I have a very low tolerance for people. Unless I’m drunk. So I either become an alcoholic or acknowledge that I’m going to be alone for a while. However I especially like sex. Particularly when I’m drunk. And so the cycle continues and I’m still nowhere near the person I wish I was.
When I was younger I lacked confidence. Now I don’t look much different however sleep with much more attractive women not because I’m that different, but because I believe that I am. Basically if you think that you’re great, other people will as well. It’s mad.
A while ago I still had self-doubt. Now I have none but it has taken years to eradicate. As little as six months ago I was still plagued by it. The world is a harsh, unforgiving place. People don’t like giving out compliments. Given the right circumstance it still juts into my life, like a pimple appears without reason or explanation on otherwise perfect skin, and I feel like an ugly dog that has an overly high opinion of itself. Most of the time though I know how fantastic I am.
And after I worked this out, my life was ruined. I had a very attractive girlfriend who was interesting and fun. My life was okay. You know that there is something better, but not having experienced it, you don’t go chasing after it. I used to be this person, but I thought I could do better. So I tried. And I’m still searching for someone as great as I now believe myself to be. Do you get it? It’s confusing. And very lonely.
Since breaking up with that girl I have been happier and had a better time than I ever imagined possible. I have also been sadder and more lonely than ever before.
A beautiful lie has been ruined. I don’t regret it, but sometimes I do wish that I was still with that girl, that I never made the decision to try for everything I wanted. However I know eventually I would have left that life to search.
I’ve had sex with a beautiful girl on a Caribbean beach. I’ve shagged models, I’ve had sex in places you would never dare, with girls you wouldn’t ever dream of talking too. And plenty of other amazing experiences. Which makes living every day and having basic experiences have lost their lustre. I find it all a bit mundane. I find regular life boring. But you find it exciting so maybe you shouldn’t be reading this.
It is human nature to always strive for something bigger and better. So what do I do now? I don’t know. I feel like I should leave you with something though. So what’s the secret to picking up all these girls? Whatever I say now is going to sound like a cliché. However you need to put yourself out there, be yourself, make sure you’re as attractive as those you want to sleep with and never give up.
Now that’s it. I hope you’ve had fun. I know that I have. Most of the time.
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September 15th 2008 04:24
We spoke about monkeys and the importance of spanking them...
Monday afternoon Long Hair Girl calls, just as she promised. I had gotten very little done since I had been staring at my phone all day. We make jokes, talk about how to manipulate people, have a drawn out conversation about monkeys and spanking them which I won’t repeat because it was probably only funny to us. It was one of those annoying conversations had by people in love, who are so taken by the other person that they fail to notice that they’re speaking complete drivel.
Again though, she fails to set another date and I’m getting very scared that I’ve done something wrong. That I’m being punished for that night in her apartment. Or even worse, there is something going on that is nothing to do with me. That a past boyfriend is causing problems.
I give her until Wednesday, which probably isn’t enough time, then call and ask what is going on. She is back with her ex.
“We were together for two years. He thinks it can work this time. I owe him another chance.”
Haven’t I been through all this before? Girls sucked in after grief from the ex. Her voice sounds defeated. She knows it is not going to work. I tell her this.
“How can you say that? You don’t know him.”
“I know you broke up. You told me that you’re family doesn’t like him,” I say.
“He’s changed,” she replies.
“People don’t change,” I tell her.
“We’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks. How do you know we even like each other that much?”
I want to tell her that she’s wrong. What I think of her. All I think of her but I know it’s pointless. I’m not going to do this to myself again.
On Friday I quit my job and decide to leave the city. I’ve had enough of work, enough of this town and enough of myself. Especially the me that lives here. I tell Long Hair Girl all this. Which is a bit unfair on her, it makes it sound a little like she’s the reason I’m leaving. She isn’t the reason I’m leaving but she was the only reason I was staying. I don’t want to make her feel bad but then I do because she has strung me along and I want to hurt her a little bit because right now I feel like shit.
Really though what did I expect? She’s called Long Hair Girl for fuck’s sake. No wonder it ended in the same way as Short Hair Girl. I thought she might be the opposite, the anti-short hair girl, but they are both girls and they both have hair. And are stuffed in the head. Just like all girls. I feel terrible for Long Hair Girl because now, like Short Hair Girl, she has blown her last chance at real happiness. How many times is this going to happen to me? I feel like giving up.
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September 12th 2008 01:34
Why weren't my teacher's at school more like this?
The problem is life is too random, while I’m looking for something very specific. I’d like to be dating other girls as well as Long Hair Girl since she’s been stuffing me around, but I can’t find them. It’s not a choice. I wish I was more interested in a wider range of people, but through trial and error I’ve found that I can only tolerate a small number of people as friends, then that number sinks further when I’m considering that person for a relationship.
Sex is easy. Get smashed. Stop caring. Fuck the first girl that shows an interest. But these very high sober standards I have. Are they my fault? Is it just bad luck that I’ve turned into this person? This highly analytical, judgemental, entertaining and attractive person? It’s not a part of my brain I can switch off. Maybe if I get on some mind-softening drugs I’ll be able to marry the next girl I find, happy to float along, work in a cubicle, produce a few kids, mortgage, holiday at the same beach location, retire, play golf, die.
That’s not for me. And I’ve found that the traditional methods don’t work. I haven’t met someone with my same interests or the right level of looks just randomly at a nightclub. Or bar. Or in the workplace. Internet dating is for weirdos.
I have learnt that most of the girls with the level of looks and personality I’m after already have long-term relationships. Most of the guys are pretty good blokes as well and while the girls could upgrade to me, I understand why they don’t move on.
I don’t want to think about it any more. Maybe the thinking about it is what is ruining it for me. Maybe I do need to just slow down and let it happen. With the speed at my brain works? As if that’s ever going to happen.
Maybe it’s something I’m doing wrong and it’s just easier to think that it’s something that everyone else is doing wrong.
The top quality single girls seem to be found through friends. That also solves the problem of common interests. The only drawback is that all my friends have settled down, along with everyone they know. I need some new friends. But where do you find new friends? Everybody established their groups of friends in high school and while at university. People don’t frequent nightclubs and bars to find new friends.
I’ve also found that I’m having more sex and much better sex than everyone I know who is in a relationship. So maybe that’s not what I want. No, I just want a relationships like theirs. I want the one I know I’m capable of with a girl that I’m beginning to think may not exist.
Another thing I’ve learnt is to not give up, because what do you do then? Masturbating, alcohol, drugs, suicide. Better off striving after something I might never find.
So putting a more positive spin on things, how do you find a single hot girl these days? Guys roam around bars like lost and hungry lions. Girls stick to their groups like timid deer. Only turning into the crazy lioness and lashing out when necessary to cut people down and keep their groups intact.
It’s easy to meet above average girls. I’ve said that before. Most girls are either single or jaded. You can give them sparkling chat and they ignore you or rebut you with rudeness, because most guys, like me, are just looking for an easy lay. But I’m not anymore. I need a t-shirt or something.
Whatever. I’m babbling, but my week has involved more amazing phone calls with Long Hair Girl. She is going to call on Monday. So what’s the most important thing I’ve learnt? Finding a girl like her has been amazingly difficult. This has to work. Shared on
September 10th 2008 06:01
Over the weekend I called Long Hair Girl for some reason. I can’t remember what it was. It sounded okay though. Really I just wanted to talk to her because I was nervous about Tuesday. I wanted to hear her voice, to check that we were both still up for it and everything was fine
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The media worships beauty above all else.
I’ve been pondering why I’m so obsessed with finding a partner that has both personality and looks following comments to me recent post ‘I’m Still Alone’. I’ve reached the conclusion that I cannot be any different
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Following the house party disaster I called Long Hair Girl the next day. I should have waited by I was very upset and nervous. Instead of pretending nothing happened I was upfront about the whole thing. I told her I was a bit drunk, apologised if I was a bit forward and said that I hoped we could see each other again. After a charming hour-long conversation I had her again. During this conversation I ignored what had happened on Saturday night. Didn’t even talk about it, instead went back to why we liked each other. I charmed her with anecdotes and through such a seamless conversation reminded her why we liked each other
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Nothing says 'still alone' like a man by himself on a stormy beach. As well as being alone, I'm also turning into a cliche.
She was beautiful but she still shit me. How often has personality been the difficulty
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Pic courtesy of: www.allposters.com
Last weekend Long Hair Girl had a house party. It was only a small group of people and I was invited. I packed my overnight back not wanting to be too presumptuous however prepared just in case
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Okay things with Long Hair Girl have been up and down – an update on that in my next post. For now though, let’s finish off the thoughts from my last post
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When you’re single, most people exist in a deluded state. It’s similar to people who are unemployed. The long-term unemployed are looking for a job that is out of their reach. That’s why they are still unemployed. I know, back to that employment metaphor again but it works, doesn’t it? Also created a bit of controversy. Don’t worry, this entry is a lot loss sexist
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Comment by ethan
on It Ruins Your Life
How to pick up girls
Thanks for all your comments. Have to say I'm not writing any more for a few reasons. First up I'm working on a novel starring me, Ethan, and it's all about my exploits. Secondly I've run out of new things to say. It's all been said before and there is heaps on the net about picking up girls. So while I'm still out there picking up most weekends now that long hair girl is out of the way, I just don't think it's worth writing about.
So yeah thanks a heap for reading and stay tuned for the novel.
Cheers
Ethan