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Eternal Days; Author: Illness, M. - some days just aren't worth chewing through the restraints....

Welcome to my institutionalized world, tired and weary ( ? ) travelers. Hopefully you won't be sequestered, but since we do aim to make your stay a crazy one. And although goodie bags of DVD copies of Girl, Interrupted, the director's cut (hahahaha) and platinum souvenir-addition of The Noose are happily provided. Just check with the head nurse, Ratched, in charge and I'm sure she can hook you up between group therapy sessions. Until then, Prince Valiant in candy form is also available, as well as the DSM for some light reading. Enjoy your stay and keep the jacket too. It's on the house. Ciao my little imaginary friends! Or aren't you?

Eternal Days; Author: Illness, M.

A Very Pissed Off Limerick

November 27th 2006 12:47

First, sorry for the lack of updates this past week. I've spent most of my every waking minute with my brother in the hospital. That said....

My dear David is dying,
Making my nuttiness less trying;
I'd kill to take his place,
And slap Fate in the face.
The heartsick can never be lying.

I'm sure that's pretty weak, I know. But I don't really give a damn and I'm sick to death of watching the few loved ones I have around me, suffering. You know, I'm used to this nonsensical shit when it happens to me, so why can't I just take on some more and have them left the fuck alone? They beyond deserve a break, some peace. And if I ever end up railing at 'god,' it'll be over the treatment rained down on Jaceson. A more angelic, righteous person there couldn't be, yet he's being plagued like Job.

So, come on heavens! Put all this shit on me instead. I'll bear it and spit out the refuse in its wake. It will NOT defeat them. But I'm here and more than happy to go head-to-head with their candy asses. Why? Because I have nothing to lose and I'd do anything to protect them.

~Kemi

P.S. I'm supposed to be moving ( ? ) to another blog, I think, and as soon as I figure that out, I'll let anyone know whose interested. Finally, I promise (I hope) to catch up on other posts and comments tomorrow. For now though, I'm back off to the doctor. Thanks to everyone for their concern.

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Posted By: suitably*wounded - Category: family

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Defragging My Religiosity Hard Drive

November 18th 2006 20:56

Last post I explained what got my family all caught up into a 'Come to Jesus' meeting whirlwind and how that began with my grandfather's death, my mother being left alone in this world with nothing but me (not an accurate assessment, but one she chose non-the-less) and the prevailing attitude being one of nothing but fear.

Which leaves me to explain how I fell away. It really was a gradual slipping off the beaten path rather than an abrupt severing of ties. It went something like this

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Posted By: suitably*wounded - Category: religion

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You got your religion in my life! You got your life in my religion!

November 16th 2006 23:19

[With kudos to the groovy old Reese's Peanut Butter Cups commercial of my youth. Also, as I have a lot of issues here, be forewarned that this may be rather humorless and that my personal experiences might be offensive to some. It is just background crap anyway, if you'd rather skip it. Regardless, if I upset anyone, I'm very sorry. I'm not trying to be disrespectful or blasphemous, simply honest.]

My intent is to establish how I got to be who I am. After cueing up that theme to whatever TV show that was; This is my story....
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Posted By: suitably*wounded - Category: religion

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On The Sorta-Acceptable Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chip Ship Lollipop

November 15th 2006 18:39

You tell I'm a bit over zealous by the title, huh?

That's 'cause today is an okay day. I actually got some sleep during the night. Who'd have thunk it? Because, you know, I'm usually worried about the apparent boogieman that's coming to steal my breath away, like from an episode of Buffy. Or something. And since I got my requisite 4 or 5 hours, I was up at a decent enough time to make a post on the same day as the time stamp. Woohoo! Snoopy happy dance indeed

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104

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Posted By: suitably*wounded - Category: hope

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What Beat!?? I Can't Dance!

November 15th 2006 00:53

At least not with that asshole Insomnia as my partner. He has no rhythm and leads ass backwards, always out of step with everybody else on the floor! Dammit, that's why I prefer Sir Seroquel. He may be slow, but he's persistent with great amounts of stamina. Where is he when I want to nightly boogie? I can't help it, I'm just a party girl who demands a better suitor.

So yeah, I can't ever fucking sleep. I'm not sure how long this has been going on because it feels like forever, but pin pointing an actual genesis is difficult. One of my earliest memories concerning this was when I was probably six. The Exorcist had come out the year before and although it's something no one in my family dared ever see, you couldn't help but be confronted with images of Linda Blair's revolving head on each magazine cover you encountered (thank you National Enquirer). All that means that I was terrified of her and she was gonna come get me in the middle of the night. Hey, I am creative you know. I'd sit up in bed and stare through the blinds on the windows until my dad left for work at 4:00 am and then I could go get in bed with mommy (she was semi-okay then, although don't let me forget to tell you about the orphanage story sometime). There was my initial memory of insomnia. ::: sigh ::: That one had a reason though. Sort of

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Posted By: suitably*wounded - Category: insomnia

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I Just WISH My Mother Was An Alien....

November 14th 2006 02:25

Instead, she's more of a cross between Carrie''s

*courtesy www.impawards.com*

mom, G.W. Bush Jr. and Anita Bryant with her tinfoil hat. In more modern day terms, she'd be Roseanne's evil twin.

Why am I telling you all this

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Posted By: suitably*wounded - Category: general musings

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[def-uh-nish-uhns] from the funny farm

November 12th 2006 19:00

I've had a couple of kind people ask me specifically what the hell I'm talking about, because I'd been remiss for not stating the meaning behind the clinical (well, for me) words and phrases and acronyms that I use. That just shows me what a dimwit I am with my presumptions.

So, while I bonk myself on the head a bit, here's some useful explanations courtesy Dictionary.com. I'll use the ones that seem most accurate regarding my situation. Sit back and pretend HAL is reading along to you. But don't be afraid, in cyberspace, the entire world can hear you scream. My amusing comments will follow in purple like Grape Ape. Farm? Get it?!

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Posted By: suitably*wounded - Category: general musings

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Normal People -- Does Not Compute

November 12th 2006 01:48

Ever since I began dealing with this drain on my soul, I understood how the other half lived. Hell, I'd just recently been in the same universe. And after that, I spent the first year clinging to normalcy and the second (and part of the fourth and fifth, which is my polite way of saying I ran hot and cold in my abilities to cope), assuming it was still out there while viewing it from afar. Sometime during year four and completely for all of the fifth, I began to grow weary to a pathetic degree and I started losing sight. Oh, I knew productive, functional people existed, but unless I encountered them in their native habitat, I felt they were just mythical creatures somewhere out there in the wild.

I think this brings me up to around 2001-ish and my initial foray back into the land of the living. In this case, I really didn't have much choice. Because, I'd kind of taken the 'if I die during surgery or survive,' it's a win-win situation in answer to the ridiculous weight gain I'd incurred from not doing another damn thing in the world. Or as my mother so eloquently put it; "Food was not my friend." Anyhoo, upon completion, I was forced (or, ya know, I really would die and not by my chosen method -- plus Jaceson had put out all that money we didn't have [sadly, this meant only about $300] because his insure covered the rest, for he worked at that particular bariatric facility) to follow through

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Posted By: suitably*wounded - Category: depression

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The Rainbow TechoColor Upside Of Insanity

November 10th 2006 23:57

Just a couple of the more endearing things I've noticed in my tenure of being PVT. Nutso. Enjoy! All the better to eat you with, my dear. I mean, amuse you! Yeah, that's it.

Don't make that 'loco' sign at me. Because I'm watching, even with the eyes in the back of my head. Just don't ask me who they belong to

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Posted By: suitably*wounded - Category: general musings

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Wanna Run Away?

November 9th 2006 20:27

.... and join the circus? Although that didn't occur to me in the middle of last night, I wish it had. Seems the depression that overwhelmed me yesterday, teemed up with a slighter version of Rhoda, for some sort of full body assault. I did all those tricks that your therapist recommends and I visualized my utopia (Kevin Bacon in my bedroom with a glass of wine!), then did positive self-talk (Come on girl, you can do it! No really, you're smarter than you think and don't clean up too badly and, yeah, I don't do that exercise particularly well.), followed by focused breathing and hitting the hell out of a punching bag (if only mom would've been around) and finally, a hot bath. Nada. Even tossing in a bowl of macadamia brittle didn't make a scratch.

Therefore, I beat back the agoraphobia demon and drove away in my ancient Pathfinder. I'm not sure how I managed it, nor exactly where all I went. I can remember hanging out in the parking lot of Wal*Mart, watching the people who shop at 3:00 am. Which, let me tell you, on a good day is an interesting past time on its own. After that (I think), I drove off into the moonlight to the next town over and considering there's not a lot to do in Commerce during the day, you can imagine how much less there is before the sun rises. Besides, for reasoning unbeknownst to me, it was creeping me out. Other than that, I'm pretty clueless to the specifics of what transpired. I'll have to check the papers tomorrow to be certain I didn't steal any puppies or vandalize political signs (at the moment, they're all anathema to me, even of those I vote for) with devil horns. Oh wait, that last part might not be that bad of an idea

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Posted By: suitably*wounded - Category: depression

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November 2006

19 Posts

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19 Posts dating from November 2006

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