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Get it? Because we only won a single game out of the four against Texas. Pretty clever, right? Puns! Before I get into the hits and misses of the series, I want to take a second to talk about Time Warner Cable. If you remember from an article last year, they suck. Actually, I might have written that a few times over the last couple years. Since I live in California, there aren't a lot of Mariner games to be seen on TV. I imagine that is true for anywhere other than Seattle. So, every year, I purchase the MLB Package, which is supposed to show every baseball game throughout the season. Granted, there are a few blackouts for local television, but since the Mariner's aren't the local team, that rarely affects me. So, two days after spending $170 on the package, Game 3 versus Oakland wasn't on any of the channels. Not blacked out...just not listed. Anywhere. Naturally I was irked, so I called into customer service. The call was awesome.
TW Customer Rep: How may I help you?
Me: Hey, I just purchased your MLB Package, and my game isn't on. I'm calling to find out how to watch it.
TWCR: I am sorry to hear that sir. What channel is your game supposed to be on?
Me: Well, there is no set "channel". I have the MLB Package. They have like 14 channels which show all the games. Teams aren't designated one specific channel.
TWCR: So there isn't a channel that it's supposed to be on?
Me: It's supposed to be on one of them.
TWCR: But you're not sure which one?
Me: Well, again, it changes daily what teams are on which channels. Actually, is there a way to watch it online? That would solve everything.
TWCR: You're talking to the cable part of Time Warner right now.
Me: No, I know, what I'm saying is that MLBTV.com offers the games online, but you need an account with them.
TWCR: You would have to talk with them sir, but I imagine you would need a subscription with that website.
Me: I, wow, I understand that. What I'm asking is does what I bought through your company offer the games online as well? It's through MLB, so there must be some kind of synergy there, right?
TWCR: Sir, you purchased something for your cable TV.
Me:
TWCR:
Me: OK. Forget it. Can you check to see if my game is on television someplace that I'm not seeing it?
TWCR: Sure. What game are you looking for?
Me: Seattle @ Oakland
TWCR: And you don't know what channel it is supposed to be on?
Me: (sighs)
TWCR: Let's see...Seattle and...was it San Antonio?
Me: Oakland. Looking for baseball.
TWCR: I have...hmmm...I have Seattle playing on Monday. Channel 757. But it's against Texas.
Me: Well we do play on Monday against Texas, and I'm excited to hear that it's on television, but they are also playing tonight at Oakland.
TWCR: And you're not sure what channel it's supposed to be on?
So, yeah, I didn't get to watch the game. But the games against Texas were on, and I did get to see the debut of Yu Darvish. Speaking of which...
Miss: Yu Darvish.
Four runs in the first, total of 5 runs 8 hits and 4 walks through 5 2/3 innings, and a ton of texts received by me that had some variation of "Dice-K" Darvish in them. It was fun beating up on a rivals prized possession. It could have been more fun, except...
Big Miss: Hector Noesi.
7 runs through 3 innings isn't the best way to protect that 4-0 lead you were given. Noesi was the other player Seattle got in the Montero-Pineda deal. So far, with Pineda on the DL, Seattle got the better of the trade. But Noesi is going to have to do a tad bit better for it to stay that way. On a brighter side:
Big Hit: Those two giant Texas fans from game one.
It was every Texas stereotype ever made all rolled into one. Two buddies, drinking beer, patting their beer gut while making animal noises. When the "in-the-stands" reporter interviewed them, they sounded like a mix between the big dude from Remember the Titans and the big dude from every other football movie. Sheer awesomeness. I have a pic of them but, and I found this funny, the computer is telling me the file is too large to fit on here. Exactly. Don't worry, I'll fix it. Those two will be on this website at some point in the future.
Hit: The Anaheim Angels so far.
Just kidding.
Hit: Kyle Seager.
Seager is hitting .321/.345/.500 so far, including that Cespedes-like homerun in the final game. Usually this would be a cry to have him take over 3rd from Figgins and let Carp take the last OF spot when he gets back, but Figgins is also playing remarkably well so far. The weakest spot in the lineup has without a doubt been Michael Saunders. But overall, I'd have to say the offense has been not nearly as bad as I had expected.
Home opener against Oakland tonight, with Felix pitching game 1. 8 games in and we're still .500! Anything can happen! Really!
Well, not the entire series. Half an opening series in Japan. Actually, there were a few exhibition games too. But we're not going to cover those. Which is good, since writing things like "The Hanoi Tigers beat the Mariners by ten" would get kind of depressing. But hey! We have baseball again! Seattle played the first two games of their season against the Oakland A's in wonderful Japan. Might I add these were considered home games for Oakland, which sucks for them, but is pretty cool for us sice the 40,000 or so that were in attendance were all rooting for Ichiro and the Mariners pretty heavily. Or as heavily as fans in Japan are able to get for a baseball game featuring two pretty awful teams. After two games, the Mariner's are 1-1 and tied for first place. Momentum! Lets get to the Hits and Misses...
Hit: Ichiro. Four hits in his first meaningful game in Japan in twelve years. That guy is amazing. It's sad to think we will probably only get a few more years of watching him play. Enjoy it while you can.
Miss: Sanders has 200 plus games under his belt and has a career average of .196. I didn't realize he's been that bad. The announcers kept chatting about Sanders saying this was his "last chance" to prove he can play. After watching a bunch of video, he found that he was taking too many pitches, pitchers were throwing strikes, and he was ending up behind in the count more times than not. So he is going to be more aggressive this year. I love the strategy, but you know what, he is still batting .196 for as long as you and I have known him. Figgins has been roughly as good (bad), and now he's the leadoff hitter. So maybe Sanders is being misused. Speaking of which...
Hit: Figgins. Chone has about 2 months left as a starter on this squad. Last year, they pretended he was injured to get him out of the lineup (I have no proof, but that's what happened). Last season he batted .188/.241/.243. Those are his actual numbers. Naturally, he told the Mariners he wanted to be the leadoff hitter this year. And, of course, they agreed. So, fine. If Seattle wants to pretend he's a professional baseball player, I will play along and turn him into a positive every series. Things Figgins did not do through two games:
Greenlight a single Twilight movie
Date your daughter (probably excludes a few people)
Get on base more than once (your job, reader, to make that a positive)
Knock up Snooki
Give up a bunch of homeruns (because he's not in our bullpen)
So there you go. Figgins played great.
Hit: Lenny Kravitz. Whenever someone stole a base during the series, the Tokyo Dome would play his "Come Fly Away" song (or whatever it's called). Then, yesterday, I go see The Hunger Games and afterwards find out he was one of the actors. So kudos to Kravitz for showing up in my life twice this week, which now brings the total to three times since the year 2000.
Hit: Eric Sogard. Here is Eric Sogard. If you took away his goatee, he would look exactly like Jane March as Ritchie in Color of Night. Since I can't find a linkable picture of Ritchie, and I don't want to leave you empty-handed, here is Nathan Rabin's awesome write-up of the movie. I'm going to enjoy playing Oakland this year.
Hit: Bartolo Colon, who matched Felix's performance from the night before in every possible way, even clocking the same speed on his pitches. After disappearing for a bit, Colon has looked pretty damn good these last two seasons despite being almost 40. Things that helped him look good:
Speed of his pitches
Throwing Accuracy
Every batter on the Mariners
Rigorous workouts
Orange juice every morning
Intensive studying of game film
Determination
Strength training
So good for him. I'm happy to see him dominating the Mariners again.
Back to Spring Training for a bit, and then off to Oakland next week to finish up this series. Mariners! First place!
Jesse Podoll
Why do I hate the chubby kid from Modern Family? Whoever writes for him in these little sketches is WAY off.
That's Nick Nolte now?! Unfortunate.
Did the Hangover guys call each other about a month ago and collaborate moustaches?
Of course George Clooney is dating Stacey Kiebler. Because WWF was the last thing I thought that sonofabitch could take from me.
Everyone else must be watching that ratings monster - the NBA All-Star game weekend.
WAIT... US Indoor Track & Field Championships
Elliott Smith
Walked in just in time for the opening montage.
Jesse Podoll
How dare the do that to Morgan Freeman!
Elliott Smith
Writer for Billy Crystal: What if I used a pun involving some of the movie titiles of this year?
Billy Crystal: Perfect! Can you do like 43 of them?
Jesse Podoll
Good news - Crystal would need way less make-up time if they did a remake of The Princess Bride. Bad news - same sitch for James Earl Jones if they redid a Star Wars (and needed a new Jabba) cause he's just a voice, so it's a 2 for 1.
Blackface as a segue to The Help? Priceless.
Elliott Smith
Carl just won an Oscar for best seat-filler. Didn't have that one in my pool.
Hugo better win best cinemetography
Yes! My November column is validated!
Jesse Podoll
Gandalf should've worn that tux at the Battle of Helm's Deep.
Elliott Smith
Not sure if we all have the same commercials, but Ellen DeGeneres makes a great Clint Eastwood
2 montages in 20 minutes. I think the next one should be of all the women in the audience George Clooney has slept with.
Cameron Diaz has a "fun to hook up with but don't let her know where you live" vibe to her
Jesse Podoll
There can't be many more montage topics left. On earth.
Elliott Smith
Tobias Funke from Arrested Development just won Best Costume Design
Jesse Podoll
Googled "montage titles" - that last one was titled - "Movies". Impressive producing thus far.
Elliott Smith
I would have guessed "Montage"
Jesse Podoll
I can't wait for the "first hour of tonight's broadcast" montage later!
Elliott Smith
They should do a montage of way back when Reese Weatherspoon used to be attractive.
Does Stallone still qualify for best foreign language film? My money is on whatever he last did.
Of all of the Best Supporting Actress movies, I've only seen Bridesmaids, but my money is on Queen Latifah to win.
Yep!
Good to see Ashley Judd working again. 17 yr old me would be happy.
Jesse Podoll
"Electric violin" is my safe word.
Elliott Smith
I've been using that as a safe word for years.
Loved The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo, but someone should tell Rooney Mara that its okay to start being attractive again.
Jesse Podoll
More Fred Willard. Please?
Elliott Smith
If they can have Hathaway and Franco host, why not Willard and Levy one year?
Hugo nailing the technical Oscars. Can I say again how amazing that movie was in 3D?
Cody Bodlovic
I've never even heard of it, but it was nice to see Robin Williams come as Mrs. Doubtfire
Elliott Smith
Hey! Kermit the Frog and Kim Kardashian!
Jesse Podoll
Why did no one tell me about Glenn Close's reverse-gender steampunk Bosom Buddies movie?
Elliott Smith
I'm dying to figure out what that Glenn Close movie is. My theory is that the Academy threw in a fake film to see if anyone is paying attention.
Cody Bodlovic
You'd think the Muppets would've learned their lesson about being in high places after doing that Christmas special with John Denver
So this is what I'm not missing every time I don't go see it in Vegas. Interesting
Oh, that was Cirque du Soleil. I thought that was previews for the new David Carradine bio
Elliott Smith
I've pulled three muscles so far just watching this
Cody Bodlovic
Nailed it, Smitty
Elliott Smith
Crystal stole my joke!
Slamming the 72-84 group...so many jokes...
"Please don't talk". Best advice ever given to Gwenyth Paltrow.
Cody Bodlovic
Downey was funnier when he didn't know he was presenting
Elliott Smith
I wonder if the winners for best documentary are pissed they all wore the same thing
The Captain from Boogie Nights just won for best cartoon
Jesse Podoll
When people go over, one of the Cirque people should swoop them up into the rafters.
Cody Bodlovic
No Stiller jokes, fellas. There's a good chance he can hear us.
Elliott Smith
So I can't comment on how much taller Emma Stone is than him?
Cody Bodlovic
I hope she's in 10 inch heels
Elliott Smith
Cause we know he is...
Cody Bodlovic
Visual effects award?
And for Best Re-re-released Movie That Has Been Digitized, Rerun With Extended Scenes and Released Again in 3D...
Elliott Smith
I hope Transformers wins in this category, just so I can tell my kids that movie won an Oscar.
Cody Bodlovic
How many of those movies are there now? 6?
Elliott Smith
Transformer movies? I stopped counting at the 10 minute mark of the first one.
Hugo is killing the technical awards. I'd like to think Unsportsman had something to do with it.
Cody Bodlovic
It's too bad Crystal's face wasn't a nominee for that Visual Effects Oscar. That's a goddamn masterpiece
Jesse Podoll
"I need to steal her 'adorable.'" -- Gwyneth, while watching Emma.
Elliott Smith
Gwyneth became a big disappointment. We already knew that most Hollywood types are unlikeable. She had no reason to let us peak behind the curtain.
Nolte is alive???
Cody Bodlovic
Apparently. And he's doing the voiceovers for Batman
Elliott Smith
My money is on Plummer to win Best Supporting Actor. They love old people in the supporting categories. Wait! Sydow too?! Its going to be tight!
Plummer wins.
Cody Bodlovic
Oh damn it, I've got 2 programs recording right now. Time to move to another TV. I hope Nolte doesn't die before I get back
Elliott Smith
Nolte seems upset he didn't win. Cleary aware of the 2012 death pool he's about to become part of.
Cody Bodlovic
No, Mr. Nolte, I said I loved you in 48 Hours. I'm sure you got at least a month left
Jesse Podoll
"I'd give Plummer a hummer!" -- joke that Vilanch is pitching Crystal right now.
Elliott Smith
Crystal: But where's the title of a movie?!
Cody Bodlovic
Streep has looked the same since '82
Elliott Smith
She could film an informercial and still garner a nomination
Cody Bodlovic
Jesus, Crystal's cue cards are getting big
Owen Wilson and Penelope Cruz? Is this the Worst Nose Oscar?
Elliott Smith
Wow. Were they both previously boxers?
Jesse Podoll
Oh God, this giant score is going to kill all of us!
One of these two guys is funny, but I'm not telling...
Elliott Smith
A Muppet song got nominated?! Im rooting for that.
Jesse Podoll
Sorry - these outro's are bush league
.
Cody Bodlovic
You remember that one time when Ellen was funny?
And, if so, do you have a Youtube link you could send?
Elliott Smith
When she pretended to be Glenn Close in that movie the Academy made up?
Cody Bodlovic
And for the award for the actress with the most children adopted from more than 4 continents goes to...
Come on...
Elliott Smith
I loved Angelina Jolie as the sloth victim in Se7en
Sorkin nominated in the Best Screenplay category?! Rooting for him.
The Descendants could have been my favorite pic this year. I'm okay with this them winning screenplay.
Cody Bodlovic
Isn't that guy on the left from a Geico commercial?
Elliott Smith
Glenn Close is on stage?
Seriously, I need to link the sloth victim from Se7en. Jolie nailed it.
Midnight in Paris should win the other screenplay category. Excellent film.
Cody Bodlovic
Allen is still alive? Good for him
Elliott Smith
Woody couldnt be here today, he's still recovering from his inappropriate behavior with a child. Here to accept his award, Roman Polanski
Jesse Podoll
Woody Allen's lit-nerd fantasy baseball movie wins!
Cody Bodlovic
I bet Allen is going Linsane right now
Elliott Smith
Good call on Lit-nerd fantasy baseball. I was raiding my library as I watched Midnight in Paris.
Cody Bodlovic
Sandler should be up for something, right? Like, Best Movie That Is Just Like The Last 5 Movies And It Was Only Made to Steal The Money Of Dumb Assholes Oscar?
Elliott Smith
Sandler should get something for Jack and Jill. Maybe Herpes?
Milla Jovovich must be playing Keira Knightly's body double in her next film
Cody Bodlovic
Milla looks both very angry and very tired
Pretty nice of her to come right from the set of the next Resident Evil movie
Any time I'm feeling unattractive I just go see a foreign film. Great pick-me-up...
Elliott Smith
On those days, I pull up pictures of Hillary Swank
Cody Bodlovic
Someone get those Oscars from the Irish before they try to twist the heads off of them
Christ, that lady probably weighs 55lbs
Elliott Smith
You are probably not referencing Mellisa McCarthy
Cody Bodlovic
No...
Elliott Smith
The chick from The Office won a best doc Oscar!
Cody Bodlovic
It's nice to see a Pakistani explode onto the scene and be able to do it again
Jesse Podoll
Ed Cunningham played 5 yrs in NFL. Started 47 gms. Just told one of my sources that nothing in football can compare to winning Oscar for producing "Undefeated''
Elliott Smith
Best director should be Scorsese. Hugo was brilliant.
Jesse Podoll
Cunningham's so glad these striving Memphis kids not only learned lessons from football, but see that hard work can be its own reward.
Elliott Smith
Dammit! The Artist gets Best Director. Has anyone even seen The Artist? Was Clara Bow in it?
Meryl Streep here to present. During her walk to the stage, she was nominated twice for "Best Walk to the Stage" and "For Being Meryl Streep".
Cody Bodlovic
Don't forget "Most Likely to Drop the Temperature of a Room by 30 Degrees"
Elliott Smith
That award went to Walt Disney
Cody Bodlovic
Sadly, Oprah died later that night when mistaking her Oscar for a large stick of butter
Anthony Hammond
Just got on. Jonah Hill didn't win Best Supporting Actor? WTF?
Elliott Smith
Nope, his best chance will be 60 years from now.
Dead actor montage coming up. Whitney gets the curtain call, right?
Jesse Podoll
Up next, a tribute to those we lost last year, and a prediction about who we'll lose in 2012...
Cody Bodlovic
Here to accept the award for Whitney is her husband, Bobby... No, no, I'm kidding. He's probably dead too.
Elliott Smith
Leaders for who we'll lose in 2012...Nolte, Bobby Brown, Lohan
Anthony Hammond
She wasn't that great in the Bodyguard. But she had some serious pipes.
Until her pipes did her in...
We'll try and try, but those three will never go away.
Is that Esperanza Spaulding singing?
Elliott Smith
My favorite Whitney moment is when I made out with Deanne Tiegen during "I will always Love You". My least favorite Whitney moment is when she drowned herself in a bathtub.
Anthony Hammond
WHERE IS CORY HAIM?
Cody Bodlovic
Ahh, yes, Steve Jobs. I loved him in those commercials. He was dynamite
Elliott Smith
No Haim would be a travesty
Remember that one time Steve Jobs watched a movie?
Cody Bodlovic
Still Lost Boys?
Elliott Smith
Taylor gets the final nod. Forgot she died this year. Shoe-in.
Anthony Hammond
She couldn't go on living without Michael Jackson around making her look normal.
Elliott Smith
Nor could she live in a world where Jack and Jill was greenlighted.
Cody Bodlovic
Forgot about her. That's two open seats that weren't there last year
Elliott Smith
Hey Hillary Swank! Or is that WarHorse?
Cody Bodlovic
Followed by the Julia Roberts...
And here I thought it was impossible to find a bigger mouth than Precious'
Elliott Smith
Poor Precious. She's being typecast
Cody Bodlovic
Why couldn't I present with Portman!? -Ben Stiller
Elliott Smith
Natalie Portman showing how skinny should be done...take note Milla and Angelina...
Jesse Podoll
So wait...The dog from The Artist got a seat at the Oscars but the dinosaurs from Tree of Life weren't invited? That's bullshit!
Elliott Smith
You saw Tree of Life? They should give you a seat.
I think Im rooting for Clooney in Best Actor. Loved that movie, would like to see it get at least one award.
Cody Bodlovic
Was that Ocean's 34?
Elliott Smith
Oldman could also win for once appearing in The Dark Knight. I'm cool either way.
Jesse Podoll
Snubs - Harry Potter inspired an entire generation. But apparently that isn't good enough.
Elliott Smith
Shouldnt there be a "Most stoned" category so Pitt could get some much due recognition?
Jesse Podoll
Re: Pitt - was he making a face to look more like ... Brad Pit?
Been trying to Google "what happened to Tom Cruise's forehead" all night. No such luck. Ideas?
Cody Bodlovic
I heard he walked into the kitchen counter
Elliott Smith
Any question involving "What happened to Tom Cruise?" should involve the answer "Scientology". It encompasses everything.
The Artist won Best Actor??!! HE DIDN"T SPEAK?!?!
Jesse Podoll
The first thing the Frenchman says is, "I love your country"...
Cody Bodlovic
If only he had continued not talking...
Jesse Podoll
At least Pitt and Clooney still have each other?
Couldn't quite put my finger on what was up with Angie earlier... I got it now... her hair has that "I stopped smoking crack two months ago" look about it tonight
Cody Bodlovic
Yeah, who would've thought that Glenn Close to play the part of a man
Elliott Smith
I loved Glenn Close as Robin Williams in a top hat
Cody Bodlovic
Glenn, you didn't have to stuff your pants for the scene. "What? Ohhh... It was nothing."
Elliott Smith
Poor Rooney Mara. You were hot! You don't have to portray your character for life!
Cody Bodlovic
Why is Nick Faldo presenting an Oscar anyway?
Jesse Podoll
I honestly thought when Colin said, "Glen" he was clearing a mucous glob from his throat.
Elliott Smith
Streep just got nominated for "Best Laugh during a Colin Firth joke".
Cody Bodlovic
Bieber looks great
I still can't tell her apart from the other 100 dalmatians
Elliott Smith
Hey! Streep won Best Actress! Who would've guessed?
Jesse Podoll
Only 1/2 of America?
Elliott Smith
1/2 of America: "We're not watching".
Cody Bodlovic
Fake crying? Nailed it!
And... Scene!
Elliott Smith
Streep just won an award for her acceptance speech
Anthony Hammond
I was on the phone with my brother. What just happened. (Count me in the half that wasn't watching)
Cody Bodlovic
Speaking of 1/2 of an American... Tom Cruise!
Jesse Podoll
In all seriousness "...but whatever." -- was a genuinely funny, brilliant moment from Meryl.
Elliott Smith
She won an award for that too
Jesse Podoll
What if it's actually Glenn Close AS Meryl Streep?
Elliott Smith
Descendant, Midnight in Paris, Hugo favorite films. Guessing The Artist wins Best Picture.
Anthony Hammond
Loved Midnight.
Another dead one.
Jesse Podoll
Has anyone besides the Academy seen The Artist?
Elliott Smith
Nope. B&W, no words, Academy gold
Cody Bodlovic
He's come a long way since the Culture Club
Anthony Hammond
Just to clear, none of us has seen The Artist, right?
Elliott Smith
None of us. If they would have thrown in a British word or had a cameo by Streep, they would have swept every category.
Anthony Hammond
"I'm just glad it's culturally acceptable in my country to kiss another man on the cheek twice in public."
Elliott Smith
"Cultural learnings of America for make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" should have won too.
Cody Bodlovic
Alright, Billy, back to the crypt...
Anthony Hammond
Still think the portrayal of Jeremy Giambi in Moneyball was Oscar worthy.
Especially when he's dancing to Parliment after a loss.
Classic
To get a clean sweep, The Artist would have needed an African American maid too.
Elliott Smith
Queen Latifah!
Cody Bodlovic
It's nice for these people to have a moment for themselves. It's back to the grind tomorrow morning.
Anthony Hammond
Yeah. An hour of someone else doing their makeup. Having to remember lines, and act like someone else. FUCK THIS SHIT. I WOULD RATHER BE BUILDING HOUSES.
Sorting through all of the liberal causes that they are asked to be spokes-people for.
Putting together their outfit for their next court appearance.
Cody Bodlovic
All the couples can go back to their separate homes.
Anthony Hammond
wow.
Elliott Smith
And on that note, we'll call it a night. See you all next year!
Only 3 more games left in the football season, unless you count the Pro Bowl (which you shouldn't), and there's a good chance that we'll be looking at a Bos-NY championship. Which really sucks. Let's just say I'll be rooting for the Ravens and Niners. The Cuz bought a house this week (congrats!) so he had to literally phone in his picks while he was getting the new place up and running. Onto the picks...
Baltimore @ New England
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New Orleans @ San Fran
Elliott: Drew Brees is on fire. Yes. Alex Smith is still Alex Smith. Yes. But do you know what the record of playoff teams who are coming off of a 1st round bye? They're like 120-40 (I honestly have no idea, I just know they win like 75% of the time). So even though they're at home, the Niners are underdogs. I say that pisses them off and they show up to play. Remember, they had one of the top defenses this year. Look for them to give Brees fits
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After my guest writer posted an impressive 14-2 last week, I thought it was only appropriate to invite him and The Cuz (from past articles) to help with the playoff picks. And, yes, I felt like Wally Pipp last week. Enjoyed the time off only to find out that my replacement killed it. Whatever, onto the picks:
Saturday games:
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Quick picks for the games to day. It's Christmas Eve, you should be out shopping anyways. Or wrapping. Or whatever it is you do for the few hours before getting together with your family. The point is not all of us have our shopping done, and maybe some of us were a little pressed for time with the games being on Saturday this week. So, quick picks. If you want a bigger breakdown of the games, you can always come find me at the mall. Thanks to all of our readers this year and I hope all of you have a happy holiday weekend!
Colts over Texans (Anyone else see Manning grinning wildly on the sidelines during that Colts comeback
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Before getting to the picks, I wanted to write a couple things about Christopher Hitchens. As I'm sure you're aware, he died yesterday after battling cancer for the last year and a half. For those that haven't read Hitchens, you should. Hitchens was a polarizing person; one that could spark debate based on his name alone. God is Not Great, the book about his views on religion, is an excellent read. You don't have to agree with what he writes, but there is something refreshing about someone who can argue and defend his points with such startling intelligence. I remember watching Hitchens on The Daily Show when he was plugging his new book Hitch-22. Jon Stewart asked him why he would write his memoirs so soon (he had just turned 60). Hitchens replied (and I forget the exact quote) "Is it too soon? Maybe, but there's no point in leaving it till it's too late now is there?" He would be dead less than 2 years later.
Christopher Hitchens may have been controversial, but he wasn't dumb. You might not agree with everything he said; I certainly don't; but make no mistake: Christopher Hitchens was one of the most brilliant minds this world had to offer. A man who had travelled all around the globe and had a glimpse of the different cultures and traditions this world has to offer. These experiences gave him a well-rounder view on everything he wrote. In the latest Vanity Fair he wrote a piece (which you can read here, taking on Nietzche's famous quote "Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger"; pointing out its absurdity when applied to a man losing a battle with cancer. He also writes about the fear of losing his ability to write (and with that, probably "the will to live"). That whole section is made more poignant with the realization that it would be the last thing Christopher Hitchens will ever write
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I know I have written about it before, but Sports Night really is one of the all time great television shows. Once I finally start my running diary of sitcoms (it'll happen any day now!) I plan to still have Sports Night in my top 3 shows of all time (I'm assuming Whitney won't make it to my top 3, although it might not be on the air when I am finally able to start that column). There is an episode of Sports Night where the crew is waiting for a group of climbers to reach the top of Mount Everest. Everyone is working overtime and with a blizzard hitting the area, no one can get food. At the end of the episode, Dan remembers that he has half of a sandwich in his office and runs up to retrieve it. Once there, he notices a homeless man standing in the corner of his office, trying to keep warm from the snow. Dan tells the homeless man that he can stay in Dan's office and eat the sandwich while they are waiting for the climbers to reach Mt. Everest. The homeless man pulls out a knife, walks towards Dan, and cuts the sandwich; giving half back to Dan. As they sit there, polar opposites sharing some food, they watch the climbers reach the top of the mountain on a video feed. Dan turns to his new friend and says "Look what we can do" (instead of reading all of that, you can just watch the clip here. I probably should have mentioned that earlier).
I've been at a Christmas party all night and that clip has been running through my head. But I wasn't thinking of Sports Night, I was thinking of the movie I watched this morning. Hugo. I spent a good portion of the night dying for someone to ask me about recent movies I had seen. Hugo overall is an excellent film. The reason you should go is the cinematography. I personally can't stand 3-D movies and for the most part just because they were in 3-D (except for Avatar, which I avoided because I had already seen Dances with Wolves). What Martin Scorsese does with 3-D might be the most genius use of the technology that has ever existed. There was scene after scene of incredibly beautiful images that just jumped off the screen. Words can't do it justice. After a screening earlier this year, James Cameron himself called it a "masterpiece" and said it was the "best use of 3-D" he'd ever seen. James Cameron is dead on. I've written about Da Vinci before, and how amazing it is when you truly see greatness. Scorsese's use of 3-D falls in that category
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Due to a power outage down here in Southern California, I was unable to make my Thursday pick. I honestly don't know if I would have taken the Seahawks, but truthfully didn't get much time to think about it. No power meant no pick, so I just waited for the game to come on and enjoyed the ride. Obviously Seattle won, and pretty convincingly, but the big problem for the Eagles was DeSean Jackson. For those that didn't watch the game, Jackson checked out early on. During one play, he seemed to have a chance at a big play but refused to look back for the ball after beating the corner on a deep post (instead, slowing up to a jog and appearing indifferent to what was happening on the field). Numerous times, the cameras found him on the sideline ignoring everyone trying to talk to him and looking aimlessly into the distance. So he wants a contract extension and is pouting because he doesn't have one yet. How does acting like an ass during the game help his cause? Wouldn't busting your ass (like Forte is doing in Chicago) be the better response when things don't go your way? Jackson has two receiving touchdowns on the season. His body language showed that he didn't want to be at the game Thursday, got benched late the Sunday before and was told not to show up to the field the Sunday before that. For a 25 year old kid who has only spent 4 years in the NFL, Jackson is acting like he's entitled to whatever he wants despite not really doing that much in his career (like Paris Hilton or any Kardashian). And now that he is alienating fans after quitting on his team, the question is (again): How does this help him? Why would Philly want to give him a contract now? When another team signs him, won't his actions this season cost him money? The bottom line is that during the season, I have less and less respect for Jackson, and I doubt I'm the only one.
Onto the picks...
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Comment by Elliott Smith
on Thanksgiving cont'd