Editing Pains
July 2nd 2007 18:34
First off:
STILL open for submissions at avidgamers.com/belair and this is getting ridiculous.
Second off:
I'm thinking I'm going to set up a series of posts, one each day, to get me off my ass and actually editing for once. As in, I'm going to write EVERY DAY about my editing progress. Right now I'm just starting on the computer screen edit of chapters 18-31. Yes, I am rushing it a bit. There is actually a good reason for this. I was supposed to be done Saturday, but I had to go out of town.
Luckily chapters 11-17 didn't need much rewriting; they were pretty much good as-is for the next little while. I'm planning on editing again in the last half of the month, so all's good.
My beginnings always SUCK, but this time my middle sucks too. Because it's literally the bridge covering a gap between two wars. Yay. I really need to get some non-war plot in there, but Riana's job (temporary queen of Moonshadow) doesn't really allow for much else. And I suspect I'm the only one who cares about her mission to educate people about the Wastes. Really. I mean, c'mon, it's an ancient civilization and all.... but I really think only me and Riana care.
Hmmm... as an added bonus for making you listen to my ramblings, here's the first scene:
In a small room, a young Shifter girl lay dying of a strange plague. This plague had already killed nine people in the village—there were more still sick. But, as is mortal way, everyone had hoped she would recover, thought that she had a chance. Her life force was fleeing now, fleeing in a fit of Delirium.
She was looked after by a Bloodbound demon, one bound to her family. The demon watched over all the sick Shifters after she swore an oath to for a time, and soon a Telar boy came to help her. He was busy with another patient as she was dying, but no medicine could have saved her, anyway.
As she struggled to speak words created in her delirium, the Bloodbound delighted in her suffering. Normally not so cruel, she had been driven almost mad by the girl's knack for running into danger on their journey.
Freedom was just a moment away! She tried to silence the girl whose voice rang out, aggravating her to no end. A human boy stood there and watched as his lover died in front of them.
“Hush, Kira,” he said, “it is alright. Should you pass on, we will take care of your will and your body.” One of us, that is, the Bloodbound thought.
“Leum... plague... ma... gi... cause... mar... gic... naht... nat... u... rahl...” Kira raved. Leum grabbed her as she tried to stand and fell.
“Leum, do not hold her, you will catch sick.” The Bloodbound's voice, as always, was that of reason. A dying girl was no reason to let go of one's logic. He looked at her, filled with rage that spilled clearly onto his flushing face.
“You want her to die!” he yelled. The demon laughed. “You will be freed!”
“Perhaps, little boy. But you should not die by her side this day,” the demon said, “I see a future for you. Let her go, or you cast it away.”
“Ri... ana...” Kira muttered. “Bi...t...”
The girl's chest did not rise nor fall again. Riana looked at her body for a moment. She knew what had to be done. So did the boy, and he dropped her body onto the bed. The once blonde-haired, fur-covered woman began to change form. Her flesh turned red, her hair an ebony black.
Her mass began to slip away from its definition. She became like fluid, then like gas. All but her head and arms were fuzzy, a silhouette as if seen from a distance—but in colour. A knife appeared in her hand, conjured up like any old toy. Her forefinger on her left hand became hollow.
She slit Kira's dead throat. The handmarks that had rested upon it were slowly beginning to fade. Blood gushed forth, soaking Kira's lifeless body. The bedding sheets began to soak. Riana put her hollow finger to Kira's throat, absorbing the blood.
“And with this blood, I am freed. Good-bye, Leum.” With that, she grimaced and vanished, seemingly pulled into the ground.In a small room, a young Shifter girl lay dying of a strange plague. This plague had already killed nine people in the village—there were more still sick. But, as is mortal way, everyone had hoped she would recover, thought that she had a chance. Her life force was fleeing now, fleeing in a fit of Delirium.
She was looked after by a Bloodbound demon, one bound to her family. The demon watched over all the sick Shifters after she swore an oath to for a time, and soon a Telar boy came to help her. He was busy with another patient as she was dying, but no medicine could have saved her, anyway.
As she struggled to speak words created in her delirium, the Bloodbound delighted in her suffering. Normally not so cruel, she had been driven almost mad by the girl's knack for running into danger on their journey.
Freedom was just a moment away! She tried to silence the girl whose voice rang out, aggravating her to no end. A human boy stood there and watched as his lover died in front of them.
“Hush, Kira,” he said, “it is alright. Should you pass on, we will take care of your will and your body.” One of us, that is, the Bloodbound thought.
“Leum... plague... ma... gi... cause... mar... gic... naht... nat... u... rahl...” Kira raved. Leum grabbed her as she tried to stand and fell.
“Leum, do not hold her, you will catch sick.” The Bloodbound's voice, as always, was that of reason. A dying girl was no reason to let go of one's logic. He looked at her, filled with rage that spilled clearly onto his flushing face.
“You want her to die!” he yelled. The demon laughed. “You will be freed!”
“Perhaps, little boy. But you should not die by her side this day,” the demon said, “I see a future for you. Let her go, or you cast it away.”
“Ri... ana...” Kira muttered. “Bi...t...”
The girl's chest did not rise nor fall again. Riana looked at her body for a moment. She knew what had to be done. So did the boy, and he dropped her body onto the bed. The once blonde-haired, fur-covered woman began to change form. Her flesh turned red, her hair an ebony black.
Her mass began to slip away from its definition. She became like fluid, then like gas. All but her head and arms were fuzzy, a silhouette as if seen from a distance—but in colour. A knife appeared in her hand, conjured up like any old toy. Her forefinger on her left hand became hollow.
She slit Kira's dead throat. The handmarks that had rested upon it were slowly beginning to fade. Blood gushed forth, soaking Kira's lifeless body. The bedding sheets began to soak. Riana put her hollow finger to Kira's throat, absorbing the blood.
“And with this blood, I am freed. Good-bye, Leum.” With that, she grimaced and vanished, seemingly pulled into the ground.
----------------------------- ---------------------------
So what do you think of that?
STILL open for submissions at avidgamers.com/belair and this is getting ridiculous.
Second off:
I'm thinking I'm going to set up a series of posts, one each day, to get me off my ass and actually editing for once. As in, I'm going to write EVERY DAY about my editing progress. Right now I'm just starting on the computer screen edit of chapters 18-31. Yes, I am rushing it a bit. There is actually a good reason for this. I was supposed to be done Saturday, but I had to go out of town.
Luckily chapters 11-17 didn't need much rewriting; they were pretty much good as-is for the next little while. I'm planning on editing again in the last half of the month, so all's good.
My beginnings always SUCK, but this time my middle sucks too. Because it's literally the bridge covering a gap between two wars. Yay. I really need to get some non-war plot in there, but Riana's job (temporary queen of Moonshadow) doesn't really allow for much else. And I suspect I'm the only one who cares about her mission to educate people about the Wastes. Really. I mean, c'mon, it's an ancient civilization and all.... but I really think only me and Riana care.
Hmmm... as an added bonus for making you listen to my ramblings, here's the first scene:
In a small room, a young Shifter girl lay dying of a strange plague. This plague had already killed nine people in the village—there were more still sick. But, as is mortal way, everyone had hoped she would recover, thought that she had a chance. Her life force was fleeing now, fleeing in a fit of Delirium.
She was looked after by a Bloodbound demon, one bound to her family. The demon watched over all the sick Shifters after she swore an oath to for a time, and soon a Telar boy came to help her. He was busy with another patient as she was dying, but no medicine could have saved her, anyway.
As she struggled to speak words created in her delirium, the Bloodbound delighted in her suffering. Normally not so cruel, she had been driven almost mad by the girl's knack for running into danger on their journey.
Freedom was just a moment away! She tried to silence the girl whose voice rang out, aggravating her to no end. A human boy stood there and watched as his lover died in front of them.
“Hush, Kira,” he said, “it is alright. Should you pass on, we will take care of your will and your body.” One of us, that is, the Bloodbound thought.
“Leum... plague... ma... gi... cause... mar... gic... naht... nat... u... rahl...” Kira raved. Leum grabbed her as she tried to stand and fell.
“Leum, do not hold her, you will catch sick.” The Bloodbound's voice, as always, was that of reason. A dying girl was no reason to let go of one's logic. He looked at her, filled with rage that spilled clearly onto his flushing face.
“You want her to die!” he yelled. The demon laughed. “You will be freed!”
“Perhaps, little boy. But you should not die by her side this day,” the demon said, “I see a future for you. Let her go, or you cast it away.”
“Ri... ana...” Kira muttered. “Bi...t...”
The girl's chest did not rise nor fall again. Riana looked at her body for a moment. She knew what had to be done. So did the boy, and he dropped her body onto the bed. The once blonde-haired, fur-covered woman began to change form. Her flesh turned red, her hair an ebony black.
Her mass began to slip away from its definition. She became like fluid, then like gas. All but her head and arms were fuzzy, a silhouette as if seen from a distance—but in colour. A knife appeared in her hand, conjured up like any old toy. Her forefinger on her left hand became hollow.
She slit Kira's dead throat. The handmarks that had rested upon it were slowly beginning to fade. Blood gushed forth, soaking Kira's lifeless body. The bedding sheets began to soak. Riana put her hollow finger to Kira's throat, absorbing the blood.
“And with this blood, I am freed. Good-bye, Leum.” With that, she grimaced and vanished, seemingly pulled into the ground.In a small room, a young Shifter girl lay dying of a strange plague. This plague had already killed nine people in the village—there were more still sick. But, as is mortal way, everyone had hoped she would recover, thought that she had a chance. Her life force was fleeing now, fleeing in a fit of Delirium.
She was looked after by a Bloodbound demon, one bound to her family. The demon watched over all the sick Shifters after she swore an oath to for a time, and soon a Telar boy came to help her. He was busy with another patient as she was dying, but no medicine could have saved her, anyway.
As she struggled to speak words created in her delirium, the Bloodbound delighted in her suffering. Normally not so cruel, she had been driven almost mad by the girl's knack for running into danger on their journey.
Freedom was just a moment away! She tried to silence the girl whose voice rang out, aggravating her to no end. A human boy stood there and watched as his lover died in front of them.
“Hush, Kira,” he said, “it is alright. Should you pass on, we will take care of your will and your body.” One of us, that is, the Bloodbound thought.
“Leum... plague... ma... gi... cause... mar... gic... naht... nat... u... rahl...” Kira raved. Leum grabbed her as she tried to stand and fell.
“Leum, do not hold her, you will catch sick.” The Bloodbound's voice, as always, was that of reason. A dying girl was no reason to let go of one's logic. He looked at her, filled with rage that spilled clearly onto his flushing face.
“You want her to die!” he yelled. The demon laughed. “You will be freed!”
“Perhaps, little boy. But you should not die by her side this day,” the demon said, “I see a future for you. Let her go, or you cast it away.”
“Ri... ana...” Kira muttered. “Bi...t...”
The girl's chest did not rise nor fall again. Riana looked at her body for a moment. She knew what had to be done. So did the boy, and he dropped her body onto the bed. The once blonde-haired, fur-covered woman began to change form. Her flesh turned red, her hair an ebony black.
Her mass began to slip away from its definition. She became like fluid, then like gas. All but her head and arms were fuzzy, a silhouette as if seen from a distance—but in colour. A knife appeared in her hand, conjured up like any old toy. Her forefinger on her left hand became hollow.
She slit Kira's dead throat. The handmarks that had rested upon it were slowly beginning to fade. Blood gushed forth, soaking Kira's lifeless body. The bedding sheets began to soak. Riana put her hollow finger to Kira's throat, absorbing the blood.
“And with this blood, I am freed. Good-bye, Leum.” With that, she grimaced and vanished, seemingly pulled into the ground.
----------------------------- ---------------------------
So what do you think of that?
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