Down with Self Sabotage!
July 5th 2009 23:41
I was in the shower earlier and I was washing my hair and considering my life. Im not about to go mills and boons on you here and describe my shower - just that's where I do my best thinking. I think its because its all very routine and relaxing and your mind is free to just roam...
Anyways. I was considering the latest of my failed attempts at establishing a relationship when I realised that I always let myself sabotage what I want. Every single time. I let work take over my life... I usually say "I dont have a life, I work" BUT I DO HAVE A LIFE! I HAVE MY LIFE! AND I AM IMPORTANT TO ME! AND IF I WANT THIS LIFE TO CONTINUE, I GOTTA TREAT ME BETTER! The strange this is... I was stunned to realise that I was truly able to think this rationally. To be able to see it. Finally.
I put everything else first. Career, family, money issues, friends...never do I first consider myself. So I decided this morning, that I wasnt prepared to keep going this way. If it takes a failed relationship to wake up and make me start to be true to myself, then I guess, as always, something came of the mistake....
This is an erratic post. I think everything in your life is linked. I used the same excuses to sabotage the relationship as I do when I think - Cripes, I need to do something about my weight. I think Ive finally managed to admit it to myself. Im all about the excuses. And its time to make them stop.
Anyways. I was considering the latest of my failed attempts at establishing a relationship when I realised that I always let myself sabotage what I want. Every single time. I let work take over my life... I usually say "I dont have a life, I work" BUT I DO HAVE A LIFE! I HAVE MY LIFE! AND I AM IMPORTANT TO ME! AND IF I WANT THIS LIFE TO CONTINUE, I GOTTA TREAT ME BETTER! The strange this is... I was stunned to realise that I was truly able to think this rationally. To be able to see it. Finally.
I put everything else first. Career, family, money issues, friends...never do I first consider myself. So I decided this morning, that I wasnt prepared to keep going this way. If it takes a failed relationship to wake up and make me start to be true to myself, then I guess, as always, something came of the mistake....
This is an erratic post. I think everything in your life is linked. I used the same excuses to sabotage the relationship as I do when I think - Cripes, I need to do something about my weight. I think Ive finally managed to admit it to myself. Im all about the excuses. And its time to make them stop.
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