DIRTY LITTLE SECRET - NUMBER #4 - A Cat and a Christmas Chicken
July 27th 2007 11:19
DIRTY LITTLE SECRET - NUMBER #4
A Cat and a Christmas Chicken
Do you remember those family Christmas meals when you lived at home with your parents? There is one in particular that stands out in my mind and I would be delighted to share it with you.
Christmas day was lovely – the sun was shining, the air was fresh and warm, the day was filled with the magic that only Christmas can bring. The Christmas tree with lights and tinsel was sparkling and colourfully wrapped presents were bundled around the base. The LP of Christmas tunes played on the record player with the diamond headed needle occasionally skipping a few lyrics. The aroma of chicken roasting spilled out of the kitchen floating to the various rooms of the house tickling and teasing the nostrils of all who dwelled within. And then along came Mother……………
Beware or be very afraid, for my father, my siblings and myself lived in fear of the old girl on this special occasion. So, either helpfulness or total absence was essential to ensure the pleasant smiles of the Mother throughout the day. As long as we had smiles everything was fine and dandy.
We were expecting the hordes of relatives as one sucker had to be host each year and we constantly prayed that it would not be our turn. Alas, our prayers were not answered this year. Those nasty little black birds had been watching closely this year and had advised Santa of our misdeeds. So, it was time to pay the price.
I don’t know if you have to tread on egg shells when your mother has lots to do. Well, we sure have to especially at Christmas. Everything has to be perfect. Put one foot wrong and this hideous creature will emerge yelling and screaming. What have you done with my Mother you foul beast? Return her to me at once - I beseech you!
Anyway, Mother was moving around from one thing to another. We could hear her heavy breathing and knew we were border line with her patience. So, up we jumped and commenced the butt kissing that only kids, trying to avoid negative consequences, can do.
‘I’ll set the table for you mum.’
‘I’ll cut up some vegetables.’
‘I’ll tidy the lounge room.’
‘I’ll get the chicken out of the oven.’
That last offer came from me. It was an offer that was accepted by my Mother. I placed the, oh so scrumptious looking, chicken on the bench to cool before carving. I then skulked away to the lounge where I lazed on the couch with my sister who was stroking Sooty the cat. Mother was in the shower. Time to bludge - out of sight out of mind so they say! We had at least 15 minutes before Mother returned. We flicked on the telly.
Ten minutes passed. I was totally absorbed in the TV until my sister alerted to me that the shower had stopped. I got up and started to walk to the kitchen and to my horror saw a sight that would undoubtedly tip my Mother over the edge 20 times moreso than normal. There was Sooty on the bench delightfully licking the chicken – his front paws gently caressing the stuffed chook as if it was going to dance with it. Between the licks it certainly looked like that cat was smiling and I bet he was. I was shocked. My sister too stood beside me in the same spot dumbfounded.
We had to take action. We threw the cat outside and needless to say we were not too gentle about it. The chicken looked a little patchy in spots due to herbs and seasoning missing so we attempted to rectify this by spreading those already on out to cover the gaps. It looked OK.
We did not tell anyone about this incident. We sat at the table watching others enjoying the chicken. We politely declined the offer to partake in the consumption of roast chicken on this occasion. We enjoyed the roast beef and ham instead.
REASON FOR HARBORING SECRET:
We absolutely and positively feared the consequences. Can you imagine what would’ve happened if we had told our Mother?????
Dirty Little Secret Number #5…………………Title unknown
A Cat and a Christmas Chicken
Do you remember those family Christmas meals when you lived at home with your parents? There is one in particular that stands out in my mind and I would be delighted to share it with you.
Christmas day was lovely – the sun was shining, the air was fresh and warm, the day was filled with the magic that only Christmas can bring. The Christmas tree with lights and tinsel was sparkling and colourfully wrapped presents were bundled around the base. The LP of Christmas tunes played on the record player with the diamond headed needle occasionally skipping a few lyrics. The aroma of chicken roasting spilled out of the kitchen floating to the various rooms of the house tickling and teasing the nostrils of all who dwelled within. And then along came Mother……………
Beware or be very afraid, for my father, my siblings and myself lived in fear of the old girl on this special occasion. So, either helpfulness or total absence was essential to ensure the pleasant smiles of the Mother throughout the day. As long as we had smiles everything was fine and dandy.
We were expecting the hordes of relatives as one sucker had to be host each year and we constantly prayed that it would not be our turn. Alas, our prayers were not answered this year. Those nasty little black birds had been watching closely this year and had advised Santa of our misdeeds. So, it was time to pay the price.
I don’t know if you have to tread on egg shells when your mother has lots to do. Well, we sure have to especially at Christmas. Everything has to be perfect. Put one foot wrong and this hideous creature will emerge yelling and screaming. What have you done with my Mother you foul beast? Return her to me at once - I beseech you!
Anyway, Mother was moving around from one thing to another. We could hear her heavy breathing and knew we were border line with her patience. So, up we jumped and commenced the butt kissing that only kids, trying to avoid negative consequences, can do.
‘I’ll set the table for you mum.’
‘I’ll cut up some vegetables.’
‘I’ll tidy the lounge room.’
‘I’ll get the chicken out of the oven.’
That last offer came from me. It was an offer that was accepted by my Mother. I placed the, oh so scrumptious looking, chicken on the bench to cool before carving. I then skulked away to the lounge where I lazed on the couch with my sister who was stroking Sooty the cat. Mother was in the shower. Time to bludge - out of sight out of mind so they say! We had at least 15 minutes before Mother returned. We flicked on the telly.
Ten minutes passed. I was totally absorbed in the TV until my sister alerted to me that the shower had stopped. I got up and started to walk to the kitchen and to my horror saw a sight that would undoubtedly tip my Mother over the edge 20 times moreso than normal. There was Sooty on the bench delightfully licking the chicken – his front paws gently caressing the stuffed chook as if it was going to dance with it. Between the licks it certainly looked like that cat was smiling and I bet he was. I was shocked. My sister too stood beside me in the same spot dumbfounded.
We had to take action. We threw the cat outside and needless to say we were not too gentle about it. The chicken looked a little patchy in spots due to herbs and seasoning missing so we attempted to rectify this by spreading those already on out to cover the gaps. It looked OK.
We did not tell anyone about this incident. We sat at the table watching others enjoying the chicken. We politely declined the offer to partake in the consumption of roast chicken on this occasion. We enjoyed the roast beef and ham instead.
REASON FOR HARBORING SECRET:
We absolutely and positively feared the consequences. Can you imagine what would’ve happened if we had told our Mother?????
Dirty Little Secret Number #5…………………Title unknown
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