Devoid
November 14th 2008 05:28
Be nice wouldnt it/
to be devoid of emotion, devoid of sensation. I hear it a lot, particularly in books. He/she, was in so much pain, devoid of emotion....Now that just doesnt make any sense. If I could be devoid of emotion and sensation for a day, just a day, maybe Id feel sane. Slightly. Id like to experience such a thing. Id like to know the essence of comfort that stems from not feeling.
I have other online blogs. But on them, I have a certain responsability to the readers. They expect certain things. If I write shit like this, I'll get a corus of "Oh cheer up" "you'll be ok" "It'll be alright..."
And that is the biggest lie I have ever heard. "Everything will be ok" and "It'll be alright" should be stricken from the english language. Because it never will be. Pain will continue to hack, and life will continue to cut, brutal blades they are...But that is the real truth. That it will be ok for a short time but....Everything dies.
Do not trust. Its not worth it. Never have faith in anything save "Everything Dies" because its all thats true. You cant depend on happy, you cant depend on love, joy is fleeting and ecstasy is expensive. For the good stuff at least.
I am one of the few people who has an opposite effect from pot. The longer I go without it, the more frantic and emotional I feel. The more I want it, the more I think about it. Its my stabilizer, that thing I need, up there at the top of my list...Im sure youve got one, whatever it may be. But its been over a month now and I feel like my blood is on fire. My emotions are set to snap, strung tight and running like fencing wire under the wind.
Ive spent so long pretending to be happy - for my family, for my colleuges, for my readers - that I dont actually know what real happy is anymore. For so, so long Ive gaurded that wounded place within me, let none see the depth of my horrible pain and created the bright mask to cover it, and sometimes I am happy, I feel it, and know it, but it soon gets swallowed by the pain again.
Did you know some medical professionals are campaigning for the use of marijiuana in mental patients? Mood stabilizers. I cant wait for that day.
to be devoid of emotion, devoid of sensation. I hear it a lot, particularly in books. He/she, was in so much pain, devoid of emotion....Now that just doesnt make any sense. If I could be devoid of emotion and sensation for a day, just a day, maybe Id feel sane. Slightly. Id like to experience such a thing. Id like to know the essence of comfort that stems from not feeling.
I have other online blogs. But on them, I have a certain responsability to the readers. They expect certain things. If I write shit like this, I'll get a corus of "Oh cheer up" "you'll be ok" "It'll be alright..."
And that is the biggest lie I have ever heard. "Everything will be ok" and "It'll be alright" should be stricken from the english language. Because it never will be. Pain will continue to hack, and life will continue to cut, brutal blades they are...But that is the real truth. That it will be ok for a short time but....Everything dies.
Do not trust. Its not worth it. Never have faith in anything save "Everything Dies" because its all thats true. You cant depend on happy, you cant depend on love, joy is fleeting and ecstasy is expensive. For the good stuff at least.
I am one of the few people who has an opposite effect from pot. The longer I go without it, the more frantic and emotional I feel. The more I want it, the more I think about it. Its my stabilizer, that thing I need, up there at the top of my list...Im sure youve got one, whatever it may be. But its been over a month now and I feel like my blood is on fire. My emotions are set to snap, strung tight and running like fencing wire under the wind.
Ive spent so long pretending to be happy - for my family, for my colleuges, for my readers - that I dont actually know what real happy is anymore. For so, so long Ive gaurded that wounded place within me, let none see the depth of my horrible pain and created the bright mask to cover it, and sometimes I am happy, I feel it, and know it, but it soon gets swallowed by the pain again.
Did you know some medical professionals are campaigning for the use of marijiuana in mental patients? Mood stabilizers. I cant wait for that day.
| 9 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
