Depression-Light at the end of the tunnel?
May 6th 2008 08:37
Thank you for your previous comments Peter and those words you heard somewhere?
Today has been my best day so far since May 1st when this started, I actually felt motivated enough to cycle to work in a 1deg chilly Chch morning. I wouldn't say that I was happy and I still have that shadow of a doubt in my mind of the past week or so but I'm hopeful that bearing no triggers that cause a relapse, then things should be on the up.
I actually cracked my first joke again today too, my colleague asked me about the person I saw last night and asked 'Was he Kurt?'
I replied no he seemed quite pleasant to talk to' seemed funny at the time I guess.
I managed to do a full days work too and actually achieved sometihing also, although this has been a huge wake up call for me, and I still feel quite a bit vunerable and just hope I don't bump into them?
I have read some of the posts that people who have left comments on here have written and there are so many people who suffer in one way of another from this. Appears to be a couple of different types, chemical or circumstances, mine I would guess are more to due with the feelings of loss, sadness or being alone. But in a world where we have more ways to connect, more and more people are lonely or suffer in silence so I appriciate everyone who has opened up on here and shared their thoughts or concerns
These would stem right from childhood, teenager to now, there are triggers, Christmas tends to be one, as I lost a son at this time years ago so loss and also having no family/partner here in NZ can hit hard but as someone mentioned in my comments, it doesn't matter how hard or tough you are, this when it strikes can really bring you down. I spent 6 years in law enforcement in the UK and this dark path is the only thing that really scares me, as it feels like being overwhelmed by a black tidal wave.
Sat night when it struck, I felt like I was screaming inside, and totally despairing, just terrible, but how I feel now is like a million miles away, and its hard to really work that one out.
As it stirkes out of no where, messes with your thoughts and takes you to very dark places, but fingers crossed I'm heading into the light until the next time??
Bit of a ramble I'm afraid but like to write what I'm thinking.
After the darkest night, there is always dawn
Last Sat night I struggled to see this but now I do for the moment, so will just take small steps, not get too carried away and try and protect myself in future if I can.
take care
averageguynz
Today has been my best day so far since May 1st when this started, I actually felt motivated enough to cycle to work in a 1deg chilly Chch morning. I wouldn't say that I was happy and I still have that shadow of a doubt in my mind of the past week or so but I'm hopeful that bearing no triggers that cause a relapse, then things should be on the up.
I actually cracked my first joke again today too, my colleague asked me about the person I saw last night and asked 'Was he Kurt?'
I replied no he seemed quite pleasant to talk to' seemed funny at the time I guess.
I managed to do a full days work too and actually achieved sometihing also, although this has been a huge wake up call for me, and I still feel quite a bit vunerable and just hope I don't bump into them?
I have read some of the posts that people who have left comments on here have written and there are so many people who suffer in one way of another from this. Appears to be a couple of different types, chemical or circumstances, mine I would guess are more to due with the feelings of loss, sadness or being alone. But in a world where we have more ways to connect, more and more people are lonely or suffer in silence so I appriciate everyone who has opened up on here and shared their thoughts or concerns
These would stem right from childhood, teenager to now, there are triggers, Christmas tends to be one, as I lost a son at this time years ago so loss and also having no family/partner here in NZ can hit hard but as someone mentioned in my comments, it doesn't matter how hard or tough you are, this when it strikes can really bring you down. I spent 6 years in law enforcement in the UK and this dark path is the only thing that really scares me, as it feels like being overwhelmed by a black tidal wave.
Sat night when it struck, I felt like I was screaming inside, and totally despairing, just terrible, but how I feel now is like a million miles away, and its hard to really work that one out.
As it stirkes out of no where, messes with your thoughts and takes you to very dark places, but fingers crossed I'm heading into the light until the next time??
Bit of a ramble I'm afraid but like to write what I'm thinking.
After the darkest night, there is always dawn
Last Sat night I struggled to see this but now I do for the moment, so will just take small steps, not get too carried away and try and protect myself in future if I can.
take care
averageguynz
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