Defining Myself: The Black Girls Handbook
March 13th 2007 13:07
Give yourself a definition. List what you expect of others and what you wish for others to expect of you. Be the person you want people to know. I am not saying that you need to live for others, never that. I am saying that in order to preserve your sanity (which a lot of black women often forget about) you must maintain your character. Check it. Do what you want…if you want to be fake, then do that. If it is your desire to be a hoe, and you are comfortable in whorish situations, then be hoe, consistently.
Let me get off this soapbox and give you an example, take for instance the story of Tami Flanders.
The Story of Tami Flanders
I knew something was wrong with this girl when she referred to her mother as Joann, what ten-year old does that? But she was half-white so there had to be something to set them apart from everyone else. But she was still black. I met this girl in the fifth grade, and she was wild; I could tell, but for some reason it seemed more exciting to know her, the some other girl (I even forgot the other chicks name, which shows how lame she was.
Tami was pretty, only because she was (take this how you want) light-skinned and had long curly hair, after that, she was (as Kim would say) extra-regular. But worst of all she was boy crazy, and not for just any boys but the most thuggish and disrespectful of boys. There were three boys in particular, Craig, Jamal and Terrance D, and she promised me that by the end of the year she would get one of these little boys. She confided in me with this priceless information because we were girlfriends. Yeah, the girl was crazy.
But whatever...I admired Tami because she maintained a prim and proper attitude among teachers and her mother. And as soon as they’d leave the room the girl would go ballistic. Talking, flirting, and dancing around, showing off her premature curves in tight jeans and baby tees. From what I remember my mother was still forcing my sister and I to wear skirts everyday. Tami, on the other hand referred to her mom as Joann, which showed the kind of woman she was. What was that about? They should’ve nipped that in the bud early,.
Back to Tami. She was trying to get either one of these dudes, hard – writing notes, poems and stories. Taking/forcing them to go on walks with her at recess, she would get loud when one passed her in the hallway and hadn’t noticed her off rip. And I know that you, the reader, aren’t at all surprised because every one of us knew a Tami, even if you were the Tami. Well it turns out that on one occasion, one walk to the farthest gate in the playground the boy (I have never found out which one) mentioned that he liked me and another of Tami’s friends. As you probably guessed, this other girl (Rachel Heard, I think her name was) and I became her arch enemies. She talked about us behind our backs and we soon became the “evil-hoes-that-let-some-boy- see-something-a-whole-bunch-o f-times-and-leaving-school-ea rly-to-see-high-school-boys”. I barely knew what was being said about me until Tami, herself clued me in.
“Girl, what did you do?” She sounded as if she was asking a random pity filled question (like she was asking “How are you?” and really meaning it.)
“What do you mean? I didn’t do anything.” She caught me off guard, I was still thinking that she was my friend.
“You know what I am talking about. What everyone is talking about.”
She was so convincing. And for about four hours, Tami took my ignorance for a ride. After explaining that So-And-So told her the I was talking to a boy that was sixteen and had already kissed three boys in our school. Now I knew that this was absurd because all my time was occupied by reading and Bible study and I barely talked to any boys unless they were family.
“Why would anyone say that about me?”
“I don’t know.” And then slyest sneakiest smile spread across the Satanist winches face. “Well is it true?”
“What, NO.” Now I looked her dead in the eye, and told her the honest-to-GOD truth, and that’s when I found out the girl was evil because as the bell rang and students flushed into the hallway she turned and skipping backwards toward a group of boys yelped “Its true, girl, you crazy. Promise me that you will tell me everything that happened with you and those boys.” Just in time, for enough of my classmates to hear and possibly spread to other cruel ears.
It took me about a week to find out the complete logistics as to what happened, or what hadn’t happened. We got suspended for a small fight, and Rachel and I became good friends (the enemy of you enemy, you know). My name was restored and Tami left Courville Elementary (but she came back after about a year).
But what I am trying to get at is that Tami had defined herself. And she was good at what she wanted to do. I mean she made a lot of headway, and I am not saying that I was a force to be reckoned with, butt she almost ruined my 10-year old reputation. Tami, was consistent. She was consistently two-faced. Tami learned at an early age that she deserved certain things and upon realizing these things she found the person she wanted to become. You see when growing into the black woman that you want to become it is important that you star in your own movie. Be the subject line of your own novel, and the main character always does what is true to the character, whether they are the heroine or the villain, the best friend or the bitch.
Please do not reproduce this piece, names are fictional and reflect actual characters.
Let me get off this soapbox and give you an example, take for instance the story of Tami Flanders.
The Story of Tami Flanders
I knew something was wrong with this girl when she referred to her mother as Joann, what ten-year old does that? But she was half-white so there had to be something to set them apart from everyone else. But she was still black. I met this girl in the fifth grade, and she was wild; I could tell, but for some reason it seemed more exciting to know her, the some other girl (I even forgot the other chicks name, which shows how lame she was.
Tami was pretty, only because she was (take this how you want) light-skinned and had long curly hair, after that, she was (as Kim would say) extra-regular. But worst of all she was boy crazy, and not for just any boys but the most thuggish and disrespectful of boys. There were three boys in particular, Craig, Jamal and Terrance D, and she promised me that by the end of the year she would get one of these little boys. She confided in me with this priceless information because we were girlfriends. Yeah, the girl was crazy.
But whatever...I admired Tami because she maintained a prim and proper attitude among teachers and her mother. And as soon as they’d leave the room the girl would go ballistic. Talking, flirting, and dancing around, showing off her premature curves in tight jeans and baby tees. From what I remember my mother was still forcing my sister and I to wear skirts everyday. Tami, on the other hand referred to her mom as Joann, which showed the kind of woman she was. What was that about? They should’ve nipped that in the bud early,.
Back to Tami. She was trying to get either one of these dudes, hard – writing notes, poems and stories. Taking/forcing them to go on walks with her at recess, she would get loud when one passed her in the hallway and hadn’t noticed her off rip. And I know that you, the reader, aren’t at all surprised because every one of us knew a Tami, even if you were the Tami. Well it turns out that on one occasion, one walk to the farthest gate in the playground the boy (I have never found out which one) mentioned that he liked me and another of Tami’s friends. As you probably guessed, this other girl (Rachel Heard, I think her name was) and I became her arch enemies. She talked about us behind our backs and we soon became the “evil-hoes-that-let-some-boy- see-something-a-whole-bunch-o f-times-and-leaving-school-ea rly-to-see-high-school-boys”. I barely knew what was being said about me until Tami, herself clued me in.
“Girl, what did you do?” She sounded as if she was asking a random pity filled question (like she was asking “How are you?” and really meaning it.)
“What do you mean? I didn’t do anything.” She caught me off guard, I was still thinking that she was my friend.
“You know what I am talking about. What everyone is talking about.”
She was so convincing. And for about four hours, Tami took my ignorance for a ride. After explaining that So-And-So told her the I was talking to a boy that was sixteen and had already kissed three boys in our school. Now I knew that this was absurd because all my time was occupied by reading and Bible study and I barely talked to any boys unless they were family.
“Why would anyone say that about me?”
“I don’t know.” And then slyest sneakiest smile spread across the Satanist winches face. “Well is it true?”
“What, NO.” Now I looked her dead in the eye, and told her the honest-to-GOD truth, and that’s when I found out the girl was evil because as the bell rang and students flushed into the hallway she turned and skipping backwards toward a group of boys yelped “Its true, girl, you crazy. Promise me that you will tell me everything that happened with you and those boys.” Just in time, for enough of my classmates to hear and possibly spread to other cruel ears.
It took me about a week to find out the complete logistics as to what happened, or what hadn’t happened. We got suspended for a small fight, and Rachel and I became good friends (the enemy of you enemy, you know). My name was restored and Tami left Courville Elementary (but she came back after about a year).
But what I am trying to get at is that Tami had defined herself. And she was good at what she wanted to do. I mean she made a lot of headway, and I am not saying that I was a force to be reckoned with, butt she almost ruined my 10-year old reputation. Tami, was consistent. She was consistently two-faced. Tami learned at an early age that she deserved certain things and upon realizing these things she found the person she wanted to become. You see when growing into the black woman that you want to become it is important that you star in your own movie. Be the subject line of your own novel, and the main character always does what is true to the character, whether they are the heroine or the villain, the best friend or the bitch.
Please do not reproduce this piece, names are fictional and reflect actual characters.
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