Seeker
January 18th 2010 02:28
MATURE CONTENT
DarkSuggestion - "Just a voice whispering in the Dark..."
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Addiction
January 6th 2010 00:20
Its funny you know.
How it all started with AA. Oh yeah, theyd been trying to help addicts of all kinds before AA started, but because alcohol was our most noticeable vice, thats was the first program. At first, all kinds of addicts went to AA because there was no other club. Then we got into all the other kinds and split usunder into tons of anonymous groups, all designed to deal with your particular affliction. Nothing was in the dark or under the rug any more, it was all out there, and being discussed.
But those original people had the right idea. It doesnt matter what letter comes before that all important A at the end. Because the most important A in all of this is the A that stands for Addiction.
The original thinking was correct - any addict of any kind can benefit from AA. Because in this new world of drug addicts to sex addicts, we seem to have forgotten that what we are actually fighting is the addiction itself.
All people are addicts. Wether they restrict themselves to light and leisurely addictions or if they choose to delve into darker ones, we all have them, and we all love them. Utterly. Completely.
The essence of it is that the addiction - whatever it may be - takes us away from life. From responsability, from whatever it is we feel trapped by. The less control we feel we have, the more we bend to our addiction.
Even once discovering that nothing can be controlled, and all measures of such are merely illusion, it does not help the addict. This is the ultimate truth, and yet on coming to it, the addict in us rebels, and forces a lack of control as if to prove that we, too, are beyond these limits of control, particularly as it relates to the universes control over us. As if upon reaching this truth, we find we must reject it - the idea that we have no control, and then the only control that exists is that of the universe over us - well, its simply unthinkable.
Until it permeates your being. This knowledge of balance, that we must be toys at her great whim lest all fall apart.....
Yet that still, does not help the addict. Im addicted to many things. Cigarretes. Coffee. In some form, alcohol. Oh, as much as I hate her seedyness, her headaches and lethargy, she is so very comforting. I must be careful indeed with that mistress.
However my greatest addiction is the green weed. So ensconced am I in my love for her that I see no downfalll in her - she inspires me to work hard, so I may enjoy her better later on, to even abstain at times to get the full benefit of her love. Without her, is torture, and the longer I go the worse it becomes.
Thus my 'holiday smoke' has extended well beyond the holiday. I felt so anxious, all sweaty and tight, at the idea that I would have none left. So I over extended myself for further purchase. Its ridiculous - I want to get ahead, I know I must be tough on myself to do so, deny myself far more than this one simple thing, and yet it is as if my brain blurs and suddenly I am holding it, this thing so dear to me, hating myself for putting myself back steps that now I shall have to run again.
Such is the life of the addict.
How it all started with AA. Oh yeah, theyd been trying to help addicts of all kinds before AA started, but because alcohol was our most noticeable vice, thats was the first program. At first, all kinds of addicts went to AA because there was no other club. Then we got into all the other kinds and split usunder into tons of anonymous groups, all designed to deal with your particular affliction. Nothing was in the dark or under the rug any more, it was all out there, and being discussed.
But those original people had the right idea. It doesnt matter what letter comes before that all important A at the end. Because the most important A in all of this is the A that stands for Addiction.
The original thinking was correct - any addict of any kind can benefit from AA. Because in this new world of drug addicts to sex addicts, we seem to have forgotten that what we are actually fighting is the addiction itself.
All people are addicts. Wether they restrict themselves to light and leisurely addictions or if they choose to delve into darker ones, we all have them, and we all love them. Utterly. Completely.
The essence of it is that the addiction - whatever it may be - takes us away from life. From responsability, from whatever it is we feel trapped by. The less control we feel we have, the more we bend to our addiction.
Even once discovering that nothing can be controlled, and all measures of such are merely illusion, it does not help the addict. This is the ultimate truth, and yet on coming to it, the addict in us rebels, and forces a lack of control as if to prove that we, too, are beyond these limits of control, particularly as it relates to the universes control over us. As if upon reaching this truth, we find we must reject it - the idea that we have no control, and then the only control that exists is that of the universe over us - well, its simply unthinkable.
Until it permeates your being. This knowledge of balance, that we must be toys at her great whim lest all fall apart.....
Yet that still, does not help the addict. Im addicted to many things. Cigarretes. Coffee. In some form, alcohol. Oh, as much as I hate her seedyness, her headaches and lethargy, she is so very comforting. I must be careful indeed with that mistress.
However my greatest addiction is the green weed. So ensconced am I in my love for her that I see no downfalll in her - she inspires me to work hard, so I may enjoy her better later on, to even abstain at times to get the full benefit of her love. Without her, is torture, and the longer I go the worse it becomes.
Thus my 'holiday smoke' has extended well beyond the holiday. I felt so anxious, all sweaty and tight, at the idea that I would have none left. So I over extended myself for further purchase. Its ridiculous - I want to get ahead, I know I must be tough on myself to do so, deny myself far more than this one simple thing, and yet it is as if my brain blurs and suddenly I am holding it, this thing so dear to me, hating myself for putting myself back steps that now I shall have to run again.
Such is the life of the addict.
| 28 |
| Vote |
Add Comments Stressin
December 14th 2009 02:35
My life has been revolved around minimizing stress. Stress is bad for my condition. When I started this blog, I had no job. Its one of those things that makes me stressed.
And its obvious now, I aint coping. I mean, I say to myself, 'Im not stressed. Im not stressed." But then, I notice, my hands are shaking, my heart is pounding, and Im sweating, skin getting all hot like Im clawing out of this horrific shell.....
And I cant stop. Its so STUPID so bloody insignificant, and I cant stop it. It makes me want to commit murder, slaughter, release all this angst in blood soaked tide that leaves me sticky and wet and screaming with laughter like a lunatic.
Wonder how long I can keep that under my hat, eh?
And its obvious now, I aint coping. I mean, I say to myself, 'Im not stressed. Im not stressed." But then, I notice, my hands are shaking, my heart is pounding, and Im sweating, skin getting all hot like Im clawing out of this horrific shell.....
And I cant stop. Its so STUPID so bloody insignificant, and I cant stop it. It makes me want to commit murder, slaughter, release all this angst in blood soaked tide that leaves me sticky and wet and screaming with laughter like a lunatic.
Wonder how long I can keep that under my hat, eh?
| 22 |
| Vote |
Hopeless
November 9th 2009 02:23
Yanno...
How everyones always talking about the rat race? And how, they dont particularly need to win it? How did it get started, why is it even running[ Click here to read more ]
How everyones always talking about the rat race? And how, they dont particularly need to win it? How did it get started, why is it even running
| 21 |
| Vote |
Killing
September 21st 2009 02:08
MATURE CONTENT
Tarnish
August 24th 2009 23:24
I am well aquianted with the universal 'WHY?'
That asking it is piontless, because it just is the way it is. Even though we all do it - 'why did they die?' 'Why did they hurt me?' and some people stumble forever in the dark caught on this why, I know it. The why is that it is. People die, people hurt. Its life[ Click here to read more ]
That asking it is piontless, because it just is the way it is. Even though we all do it - 'why did they die?' 'Why did they hurt me?' and some people stumble forever in the dark caught on this why, I know it. The why is that it is. People die, people hurt. Its life
| 20 |
| Vote |
Thou Shalt Honour Thy Mother.....
July 23rd 2009 01:59
MATURE CONTENT
Blood, Bone.....The dark spaces between....
July 21st 2009 01:51
Bad.
Bad. Its all bad. Like Dark. All Dark.....Whenever I hear those crazies start saying it...."dark, dark, all dark..." The way she describes it to them....The dark place. Things crawling on you, things in the dark that want to hurt you....Oh, doesnt she just hit that nail square on the head? The perfect description of insanity. It is. It is.
[ Click here to read more ]
Bad. Its all bad. Like Dark. All Dark.....Whenever I hear those crazies start saying it...."dark, dark, all dark..." The way she describes it to them....The dark place. Things crawling on you, things in the dark that want to hurt you....Oh, doesnt she just hit that nail square on the head? The perfect description of insanity. It is. It is.
| 27 |
| Vote |
Home and Howling
July 13th 2009 02:56
MATURE CONTENT
Mud Puddle
June 23rd 2009 02:05
| 32 |
| Vote |
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