Dark Days
October 20th 2008 23:13
Well, I did my best to get up early.
Not that Ive got anything to get up for. I dont know how late I stayed up...But I know Im not finished season 6 yet. I remember cracking up over something Kelly did...
Then I was laying there. The bed was comfortable. Surprisingly so. Its almost like the fucker is taunting you - so soft, so cushy, that delicious feel of skin on sheet.....And yet all I can do is lay there. Sleep must have come, because I woke up, and then couldnt wake up. But I dont know how long I waited for it, and I certainly didnt feel like I had it at all.....My head hurts, like hot blunt claws digging into my face, inexorably squeezing my eye balls back in to my head...
Went down the road. I needed coffee. So I couldnt drink any, had to go down cold and fuddle headed. Once out the door I realize I forgot my phone - no big drama. But then I actually get down there and I realize that I forgot my Lotto ticket...Now, the purpose of going down there was the coffee, but really, my reason was the ticket. I cant believe I forgot it. Not that I think its going to win - It wont, but I have to go through the motions you know. Buy the ticket, have hope for a day or two, before they tell you its not a winner, you're not a winner, you're just as worthless as that printed scrap of paper thats crumpled and forgotten.
Its not like I play Lotto that often. Im not one of those obsessive freaks that plays ten games in every sector and then puts the remaining few bucks on keno. Its just every now and then when Im there buying the newspaper, I think, yeah. I'll get a Lotto ticket. Maybe I'll be one of the lucky ones, get something - anything - only I never do.
And the coffee. I couldnt buy the coffee I wanted. For starters, our tiny local shop didnt actually stock any of the moccona brand Ive come to fancy, but for seconds it is all monstrously priced, and Im broke. I have to carefully weight flavour against price, and is it worth treating myself here, and depriving myself somewhere else?
I had noticed the weather. I knew today would not be a total loss. Dark sweeping clouds falling harshly over the lighter ones beneath, a screaming vicious wind and rain threatening every few minutes.
Why do people hate dark days?
Because they darken your thoughts.
Sitting at the bus stop, I was thinking that if it were sunny, and warm, I would be sitting there pissed off, imagining all that I have to do and how hard it is with sweat pouring off my face. With the dark clouds above, the sun deeply hidden, Im thinking of chill, and frost, and shadow...So much in shadow....How dark means a little pain, and a little murder, and it all comes under this big cloak of dark dark dark and so many fear these thoughts as they turn to the dark, open up to the truest possibility, but they shutter the door with light and wish for sun...
Im happy in the cold, and dark. Theres some hope for today. I cant avoid painkillers now, the throbbing in my head is too great, but still. Theres hope for today.
Not that Ive got anything to get up for. I dont know how late I stayed up...But I know Im not finished season 6 yet. I remember cracking up over something Kelly did...
Then I was laying there. The bed was comfortable. Surprisingly so. Its almost like the fucker is taunting you - so soft, so cushy, that delicious feel of skin on sheet.....And yet all I can do is lay there. Sleep must have come, because I woke up, and then couldnt wake up. But I dont know how long I waited for it, and I certainly didnt feel like I had it at all.....My head hurts, like hot blunt claws digging into my face, inexorably squeezing my eye balls back in to my head...
Went down the road. I needed coffee. So I couldnt drink any, had to go down cold and fuddle headed. Once out the door I realize I forgot my phone - no big drama. But then I actually get down there and I realize that I forgot my Lotto ticket...Now, the purpose of going down there was the coffee, but really, my reason was the ticket. I cant believe I forgot it. Not that I think its going to win - It wont, but I have to go through the motions you know. Buy the ticket, have hope for a day or two, before they tell you its not a winner, you're not a winner, you're just as worthless as that printed scrap of paper thats crumpled and forgotten.
Its not like I play Lotto that often. Im not one of those obsessive freaks that plays ten games in every sector and then puts the remaining few bucks on keno. Its just every now and then when Im there buying the newspaper, I think, yeah. I'll get a Lotto ticket. Maybe I'll be one of the lucky ones, get something - anything - only I never do.
And the coffee. I couldnt buy the coffee I wanted. For starters, our tiny local shop didnt actually stock any of the moccona brand Ive come to fancy, but for seconds it is all monstrously priced, and Im broke. I have to carefully weight flavour against price, and is it worth treating myself here, and depriving myself somewhere else?
I had noticed the weather. I knew today would not be a total loss. Dark sweeping clouds falling harshly over the lighter ones beneath, a screaming vicious wind and rain threatening every few minutes.
Why do people hate dark days?
Because they darken your thoughts.
Sitting at the bus stop, I was thinking that if it were sunny, and warm, I would be sitting there pissed off, imagining all that I have to do and how hard it is with sweat pouring off my face. With the dark clouds above, the sun deeply hidden, Im thinking of chill, and frost, and shadow...So much in shadow....How dark means a little pain, and a little murder, and it all comes under this big cloak of dark dark dark and so many fear these thoughts as they turn to the dark, open up to the truest possibility, but they shutter the door with light and wish for sun...
Im happy in the cold, and dark. Theres some hope for today. I cant avoid painkillers now, the throbbing in my head is too great, but still. Theres hope for today.
| 51 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
