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Richie Benaud - 10
In the midst of the Tiger Woods sex scandal, Richie Benaud stuck to his A-game in this test. Adhering to the age-old unwritten commentary team pact that what Tony Greig does after hours in his hotel room is strictly a private matter, Benaud brought some much-needed dignity back to the sports media arena.
Michael Slater - 9
Slats' enthusiasm continues to win the hearts of the punters and he has been very public in offering Tiger Woods a shoulder to cry on in a difficult time. Sources close to the commentary team suggested that he really was just after a few phone numbers, but Slater refused to confirm or deny this, pointing to Craig McDermott as living proof of the fact that ex-cricketers did not generally get mixed up in this sort of thing and led quiet lives out of the spotlight.
Bill Lawry - 8
Lawry's largely bland commentary nonetheless provided the odd moment of Brilliance, such as this exchange with Benaud after correctly identifying some species of bird in the surrounds of the Adelaide oval:
Lawry (on one bird that was prominently displaying its tail feathers) : "That one's just showing off!"
Benaud: "what makes you say that?"
Lawry: "Have a close look, Rich!"
Tony Greig - 5
Greig's pitch report was once again way off the mark: "I predict it'll go right down to the wire" was his pre-match statement. The match was called off 6 overs early, completely destroying Grieg's credibility.
Mark Taylor - 5
Taylor has often been described as having an excellent cricket brain. Somewhere between brain and mouth, things seem to go horribly pear shaped for the former skipper.
Ian Healy - 2
Having been groomed for TV early through a guest appearance on Burke's Backyard, David Gyngell originally had Healy Pencilled into replace the great man, with the show to be renamed "Heals' Backyard" Unfortunately, after media preview screenings of the pilot, this idea had to be ditched once certain unkind journalists began referring to the show as "Heals' Backside". With few options available to them, the Channel 9 bosses at first wanted to put him on 'Farmer Wants a Wife', but eventually settled on the cricket commentary so he could be heard but not seen.
Ian Chappell - 1
The only one of the Chappell Brothers not to be involved in the underarm incident, Ian's lack of imagination remains with him to this day, where he maintains a strictly 'overarm' approach to his commentary, rendering it devoid of any humour, except when the producers forget to turn his mic off during ad breaks and the viewer is treated to a profanity-laden explanation of exactly how he would win the game if he were captain.
One of the terror suspects arrested in pre-dawn raids across Melbourne yesterday has spoken of his regret at trusting vital information about the alleged plot he received from Godwin Grech, the public servant at the centre of the 'utegate' affair.
"I should have known his politics was suspect from the start", the accused said in a faked email which Malcolm Turnbull later read to his kids as a bedtime story. "Godwin assured me that our cause would receive favourable treatment, but it seems the whole thing was as fake as the moon landing!"
Central to the accused's accusations was Grech's promise to secure a ute to be used in the attack, provided it could be adorned with Liberal Party advertising. Initially he wanted the debt truck, but that was unavailable as it had been sold to Japan to relieve foreign debt, and a deal had not yet been reached to secure it's lease back.
The story did not end there however, as former US President Bill Clinton visited Grech and posed for a series of photos which were later photoshopped to make Grech look like Kim-Jong Il. In return for this, Grech secured a favourable deal on a rental car for Mr Clinton, who didn't like taking his chances in a tough rental car market.
The terror suspect will be sentenced in due course.
Mr Grech has already been sentenced by Mr Turnbull to a 5 year term as Liberal Party scapegoat.
Mr Turnbull was half way through a sentence when he realised he couldn't trust himself to finish it without looking back at the fake email from which it was taken.
With Phillip Hughes tweeting loudly as he was pushed out of the nest, it was time for Shane Watson to take up the ugly stick and beat the Poms around the head a little.
"I thought he would fly" said coach Tim Nielsen of Hughes treatment at the hands of the selectors. Hughes responded by twittering the first 160 characters of War and Peace, before retreating to the corner to suck his thumb.
While Selector Merv Hughes had long been suspicious of Hughes technique both against the short ball and when tackling the famous Lords warm chicken salad, Brad Haddin's exit from the team before a ball had been bowled was somewhat of a surprise. Well, a surprise to Haddin, at least, who never saw it coming until Graham Manou congratulated him on his wicketkeeping performance in the second test with a handshake that broke Haddin's finger.
Manou later denied any involvement, and claimed he had merely offered a wet fish handshake, which Merv Hughes had mistaken for a real fish. Before you knew it, one thing had led to another, and Merv had his chompers firmly around Haddin's digit.
After the rain, and a false alarm from Noah, who rocked up with his ark to take two English cricketers on board only to find that super soppers were more advanced than back in JC's day, the two teams finally got down to hostilities, and Simon Katich was the main aggressor, hitting the ball like it was Michael Clarke. Graeme Swann eventually proved to be his undoing, however Watson and Ponting survived until stumps and will resume again on day 2 looking to stamp the map of Tasmania on the cricketing map.
Not content with limiting his leaks to underneath the billiards table at the Bourbon & Beefstake, Ricky Ponting has gone one step further and leaked the makeup of the Australian team for the 3rd Ashes test, starting tomorrow. Ponting also included a short note on each player. Anyway, here is the lineup:
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the most popular man in australia?
The federal treasurer, Wayne Swan, has confirmed the worst fears of many commentators when he announced during his budget speech that, so bad was the current economic climate, that the nation could no longer afford to have a treasurer
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pic: news.com.au
In a stunning development for Australian cricket, Cricket Australia has finally relented to pressure from Michael Clarke and ruled that wives and girlfriends (WAG's) of the players will be allowed to accompany them on the upcoming ashes tour and the preceding training camp
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Pope Benedict, currently touring Africa with John Farnham for what 'the voice' claims will "definitely" be his last farewell tour, has stirred up controversy once more by insisting that condom usage is the primary factor behind the current global financial crisis.
"This is a true crisis of confidence", his holiness exclaimed in 17 different languages! "If we are to avert a repeat of the great depression of the 1930s, we must stop condom usage in Africa altogether. "The real problem here is that for every condom used, a potential Catholic taxpayer is not born, and this is a great threat to the Catholic tradition of large families
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In another blow to his continuing efforts to smash David Boon's longstanding Australian Test team drinking records, Andrew Symonds has been left out of the upcoming tour of South Africa, due to his personal problems.
c'mon Roy, does this really look like Brendon McCullum to you?
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US President Barack Obama has finally broken his silence on one of the most pressing issues of our time: Oprah Winfrey's battle to shed her extra weight.
In a revealing late-night phonecall, Obama spoke to Winfrey at length about her problems and then had an equally lengthy conversation with Winfrey's best friend, bitching about Oprah and questioning her inability to "just get over herself
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Well it’s me first day back in me old home town, fresh in from the big smoke. You would have thought maybe they’d put on a bit of a show for the favourite son – I mean, I’m not expectin a red-tape parade or anything – but you would have thought they’d lay out the old welcome mat just a little bit! Instead all I got was a “g’day bigknob!” Yeah ok, so I am hung like a horse, but it’s not as if I go splashin the fact all over town! Except sometimes when I’m pissed…
Anyway, it was good to catch up with some of the boys again. Like Chuckles MacPherson, I hadn’t seen him since we played in the grand final with the under 12’s against West Yippoon. Chuckles was playing forward pocket that day and he marked in the goalsquare in the last quarter when we were down by 2 points. We were bloody rapt, cos we hadn’t beaten them for 10 years! Except he missed, the jack fucker, so I punched him out! Started a bloody grouse all-in, too. Old Jock MacFly reckoned it was the best he’d ever seen in the under 12’s
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Comment by damian
on Death of a Blogger...
Urban Telegraph
Sports and All
The Squirter McGee Diaries
Did you walk or were you pushed?
I may have to put my hand up to pick up the soap... i mean, the baton